FanPost

HAMSTERDAM ACTS OUT THE NATIONS

This was a fun idea started in a previous Hamsterdam, so I thought I'd flesh it out for an intro and see if we can have fun with it as an intro. Here is the idea: What if we have to name an actor/actress to play the part of a country in a movie of the world? The first one I thought of:

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Joe Pesci is ... Serbia. How does this little ugly guy continually fight above his weight? How is he so damn intimidating, such a firestarter, and then back it up well? All I know is, don't mess with this guy even if it looks easy, not even if he yells across the room to call you a fat fuck.

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Dolph Lundgren is ... Germany. Not Russia! Russia is a drunken mess of continued failed opportunities when compared to Germany. Germany and Dolph are ox strong. Serious and focused to the point of being humorless. But also extremely skilled in the arts and wicked smart Rhoads Scholars to round out their ruthless efficiency. Dolph is a world champion at judo, the maximizing of leverage and positioning to bolster inherent strength. Germany has the judo master of world politics, Otto Von Bismarck, as its most famous statesmen.

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Marlon Brando is ... Russia. God damn have they both had the world by the balls at many times, and when given the spotlight they can hit it out of the fucking park like nobody. But you have to wake them out of their naps or their long bouts of self-destruction long enough for them to put in that performance. If you need Russia for another world war or Brando for another Apocalypse Now, they'll step up, even if again they have to shoulder 75% of all death and casualty on their broad shoulders. But for now, wodka. Moar wodka.

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Lindsay Lohan is ... North Korea. A hotbed of immense natural talent, drive, connections, and world placement. All ruined in the pursuit of extreme egomania and internal self-destruction. North Korea in the 50s had an army strong enough to be the only country ever to defeat the might of the U.S. military in conventional warfare. Those beautiful tanks are still there, the exact same tanks. Just deflated and pointed straight south after much misuse (you get the Lindsay metaphor). Now, like Lindsay, it's all internal demons and fighting the perceived persecution by the outside world. So much wasted talent.

So, do you have any? Or just Hamsterdam away as usual on random topics. All is good by me.

Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.

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