I drank 23 beers yesterday during and after the NIU game. Watched on BTN, wasn't at Kinnick. The wife and I don't really do much besides drive by the stadium these days, which looks cool but feels more like a tomb than a cathedral of college football. I think the last game we actually attended was NW in 2002. Sat in the north stands. Fun times. Sometimes, when all seems right with the world I think back to those faraway halcyon days of fall when Iowa football didn't suck. These days, Iowa football makes us feel like we're visiting a morgue, hence my query: How long should the butthurt last? Is that even the right question, or do we need another metric? Such as, how many beers does it take to kill the suck? Is it just me or is Kirk actually shrinking before our very eyes? Everything he seems to touch turns to shit. Did the real Iowa football program get sucked into a wormhole and traded for some parallel-universe inversion of itself? Are these the AntiIowa Hawkeyes? I search in vain for an adequate ontology with which to view this hellish reality. I am guessing next week should be a 12-pack game. By which I mean that I hope not to be drowning my sorrow and pain with the absurd amount of beer I drank last night. Iowa State will be sky-high, of course, and Uberman will be fist-pumping and gyrating madly on the sidelines, helping to energize and invigorate his hawk-killing charges, so I'm guessing that game might feature a higher beer tally.