The Day the Offense Died

So I started this in PV's excellent post on the surf ballroom, but I started with the wrong verse, got bored and ended up finished the song, so here it is per Ross' request (and my desire to see it all in order.) May Crazy Old Testament God bless this sacred place and boring gray midwestern days, or something -sailorjerry

A long, long time ago

I can still remember

how the Hawkeyes

used to make me smile

and I knew if I had my chance

that I could make white people dance and

maybe, they'd be happy for awhile

But 2012-13 make me shiver

with every blog post I see twittered

bad news on the iPad

my humor couldn’t make

one more stab

I can't remember if I cried when I

read about KOK's new life.

Something touched me deep inside

the day

the offense


Now did you write the book on love

and do you have faith in AIRBHG above?

if the bible told you sooooooooooooooo

Now do you believe in bump and roll

can play action save your mortal soul

and can you teach me, how to fake kicks, real sloooowwwwwwww?

Well I know that you’re in love with him, cause I

saw you punting in the gym

you both kicked off one shoe

man i dig those 4th and twoooooooooos

I was a lonely teenage broncin buck

punching windows out of buses and trucks

but i knew i was no andrew luck

the day

the offense



for three years, we’ve been out on our own

and keys jingle yet for the rolling stones

but that’s not how it used to be

when the jester sang for mason and me

he looked a lot like barta just wearing green

in a coat

he borrowed from the young Aussie

oh but while alford was looking down

the jester stole his thorny crown

Carver was adjourned

no crowds to return!

and while the butler coach read a book on darts

the sharp shooters never quite reached their marks

we dreamt of playing "in heaven" on a harp

the day

the offense



helter skelter in a summer swelter

from the rhabdo fallout there was no shelter

13 down and falling faaaaaast

landed there on the grass

where the player’s tried for a forward pass

and Rudock

had support from

all the faaaaans

now the halftime air was sweet perfume

while the marching band played michael jackson tunes

the students all got up to dance

oh but they never got the chance!!

cause when the players tried to take the field

the whelan boys refused to yield

do you recall what was the feel

the day

the offense




there we were all in one place

a generation lost in space

with no time left to see paki again

so mark be nimble, canzeri be quick

every back’s time fading like a candle wick cause


is the AIRBHG’s only friend

and as i watched his pinata fileted

my hands were clenched in fists of rage

tried drinking all the beer in hell

to break that satan’s spell

podcasts ran on in the night

mcgloin lit us up like the 4th of July

I saw AIRBHG laughing with delight

the day

the offense



(sad slowdown /piano trill)

i met a girl who sang the blues

she asked me for some happy news

i just smiled and turned away

i went down to the mickey’s store

where i’d heard the music years before

but the man there

had repainted

blue and graaaaayyyy

and in the streets the freshmen screamed

the bloggers cried and the basketball fans dreamed

not a word was spoken

the press releases


smoke blowin

and the three men i admire most

tom davis, hayden and tom brands’ quotes

were the last deserving ‘great job coach’

the day

the offense



Feel Free to use the chorus of your choosing, I'm partial to @mrpelicanpants work

"Bye Bye Mr. 3rd and 5, ran a bubble screen incomplete to the overloaded short side"

Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.

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