FanPost

Tailgate themes



The house where I tailgate likes to have a theme for each tailgate. Many times we'll use the upcoming opponent's mascot or region for ideas, and this week we're going with a pork theme to bring home Floyd (ha!).

Now, last week we had the unfortunate theme of "cupcakes," so everything was bite-sized and served in a cupcake tin or wrapper. We all know how that turned out.

Not to beat a dead horse, but after last Saturday, here are some of my suggestions for future themes:

Hot Potato: Everyone lines up to eat, then we move the food to a different table. Then everyone gets to grab a potato... but that takes too long, so you have to put the potato back. Then the potatoes just fall on the ground and we all stand around watching them but nobody thinks to grab one. Tailgate next door comes over and eats the potatoes while we mope around.

Tire Fire: Burnt bagels or chocolate donuts covered in 5-alarm salsa. Tastes as horrible as watching Iowa football feels.

TV (timeout) Dinners: Put them in the microwave for two minutes, stand around and wait, and then with 5 seconds left, realize you should have had a Hot Pocket in there the whole time. Waste a timeout, but luckily get a delicious Hot Pocket that should last all day, but ends up not quite being enough to get you full.

Buffalo-style D-backs: roasted chicken legs with broken ankles.

Bubble screen bites: Chicken poppers, but can only be eaten while playing bags, and every time you one, you have to throw your bag sideways, and then take 2 steps backwards for your next throw.

Feast a la Barta: Overpay for a bland tray of hummus and white bread, because you're worried that somebody (maybe a Jacksonville fan?) is going to swoop in and pay more for it. Wait to serve it until it sits out all day, then wait to get food poisoning and shit the bed, and then realize it will cost you money to take it back to the store, plus the price of buying the spicy new Soup of the Day.

Feel free to add your own ideas. Can't wait to hear them!

Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.

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