FanPost

Hayden's High Kicks: The Top 25 wins of the Fry era - Submit your applications for the Council of Elders

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We're gonna party like it's 1991. If you remember this game, you know it's probably going to make the list.
Via Mas Casa at marcmwm.files.wordpress.com.

Living about ten miles from Hollywood, I know that all the best new ideas in our world are simply retreads of old ideas that have already proven to be profitable. Once your studio has made eleventy billion dollars making X-Men, X2, and X-Men: The Last Stand, then you might as well go back in time and make X-Men Origins: Wolverine and X-Men: First Class. Even if Hugh Jackman can only be bothered to show up for a one-line cameo in the latter, you're still going to rake in the dough.

It is in that spirit that I offer the proposal that all of you figured out I was offering as soon as you read the title of this post. Since the series on the Top 25 Iowa wins in the Kirk Ferentz era is such a marvelous display of GO IOWA AWESOME, it only makes sense to green-light the prequel and come up with a list of the greatest Hawkeye victories engineered by Captain Kirk's legendary predecessor and mentor, Hayden Fry.

This game might crack the top ten. (via gavproductions)

Now, here's the tough part. We all love our editors and correspondents here at The Pants. Really we do. They're loyal and passionate Hawkeye fans. They're highly knowledgeable and profoundly witty. Their laudable tolerance of gratuitous profanity is neatly balanced by their sharp disapproval of bigoted epithets and ITGS*. They even smell nice. [Don't ask me how I know.] However, I'm afraid that most of them just don't have what it takes to help make an authoritative list of Hayden's Greatest Hits. Because, well ... how do I break this to them gently?

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You're too god-damned young!

Let's face it. The ability to determine Hayden Fry's greatest wins at Iowa with some credibility requires remembering things that happened three decades ago. If you can't do that, then someone with greater seniority needs to take your spot in the salt mines. For those who resemble that remark, take heart: at least you're still young enough for people to think you're too young to do something. Once you find yourself eligible to run for US President (scroll down to Article 2 Section 1), then such moments are few and far between. Getting carded is scary when you're 18**, but merely a fond memory when you're 48.

In order to do this right, I think we should assemble a different committee from the anonymous yet distinguished panel that sorted through Kirk's Works -- a council of elders, if you will. (We'll also need to get down on our knees and thank our lucky stars for TheHawkeyeHistorian, without whom such a series would be nearly bereft of audio or video.) I'd like to suggest the following criteria as a rough guide for determining whether or not you are qualified to serve BHGP in this mission.

  1. Do you at least vaguely remember the 1981 Rose Bowl season?
  2. Is the waistline on your Gold Pants only a few inches away from your Black Heart?
  3. Did you know that OMHR beat us 20 years in a row before reading about it on BHGP?
  4. On the flip side, wasn't it fun dominating Iowa State and just Northwestern for all those years?
  5. Do you lose your patience when younger Hawkeye fans declare Drew Tate or Ricky Stanzi Iowa's greatest quarterback of all time?
  6. Nobody's ever tied Ohio State, Michigan and Michigan State all in the same season, right? That's just crazy talk.
  7. Do you remember the awesome thing that Ron Hawley accidentally did in East Lansing on the same day Pac 10 refs robbed Stanford in John Elway's last game the Cal Bears put those smug bastards in the Stanford Marching Band in their place?
  8. Did your family wear out their VHS*** copy of the 1984 Freedom Bowl from multiple viewings? Did you record something else over the scoreless and irrelevant 4th quarter of that game?
  9. Did you know that a naked bootleg is NOT an illegally reproduced pornographic film?
  10. Did you know that the game pictured below was not the only time Hayden's boys triumphed in Happy Valley?

Warning: convicted scumbag alert at 2:45 and 5:10. If you just run around the room for 10 seconds celebrating after each of Tavian Banks's touchdowns, then you won't have to see the scumbag's face.
(via TheHawkeyeHistorian)

So if you think you have the longevity, the dedication, and the desire to see this task through (i.e. research the records of the Fry years, discuss and debate the merits of various Fry conquests mostly via email, vote in our secret poll, meet a deadline or two, and possibly help write some of the 25 blogposts that would be the final product) then please post your credentials in the comments below. Of course, whether and how this project gets picked up (and when it will be released upon the unsuspecting public) is up to the editors, and we all respect their authoritah. But until we receive that word, let's gather some worthy candidates for the committee and talk about all the great Fry-era Hawkeye football we've remembered and/or forgotten over the years.

As for the youngsters, you can sit quietly on the floor and listen while the grown-ups talk, or maybe just keep your idle hands busy by making amusing "HAWX-Men: First Class" photoshops. (No, seriously. Can you do this, please? I love what you kids can do with your newfangled electrical typin' machines these days!)

*Internet Tough Guy Syndrome

**Black Heart Gold Pants does not encourage any unlawful activity, unless your name is McLovin.

***VHS was ... aw, forget it! if you don't know, you're better off.

Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.

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