Minnesota Football and the Sound of No Hands Clapping

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Hey, Coach.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Oh hey, MarQueis.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium You wanted to see me about something?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Yes! Yes, I did.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Uh, is this about Goldie puking all over his costume the other day at the State Fair? Because I swear, Coach, I told him not to keep eating those lamb fries and sushi. I mean, who eats sushi at a State Fair, anyway? Stick to Pronto Pups, right?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium What? No. I don't even...

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Look, no, it's not about that. Goldie's, ah, indiscretions will be dealt with later.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Okay.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium No, MarQueis, I called you here because I wanted you to be the first to see our exciting new team room!

641916139_medium

(via @GopherSports)

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Wow! That looks awesome, Coach!

Jerry_kill_icon_medium /beams

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium /sits down

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Oh man, these chairs are killer. So comfortable.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Yes, sir. Comfort is king, that's what my great grandpappy always said.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Really?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium ...no. Usually he said [incoherent small animal sounds].

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Wait, was your grandpa an actual gopher?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium ... I don't like to talk about it.

Marqueis_gray_icon_mediumJerry_kill_icon_medium /awkward silence

Marqueis_gray_icon_mediumJerry_kill_icon_medium /still awkward

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Um... Coach?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Yes?

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium This is great and all and the pictures of the stadium are beautiful, but... why is it empty?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium /sigh

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Is it supposed to be the student section? I know we'd only sold 2000 student tickets as of a few weeks ago... even after I went on that Segway Tour Meet 'n' Greet all over campus!

Jerry_kill_icon_medium No, it's not that.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Oh, I get it. It's supposed to be some sort of visualization exercise, right? Like how you have me visualize throwing a completed pass to one of my actual receivers and not a defensive back? We're supposed to visualize actually playing in front of 50,000 screaming, excited Gopher fans, right?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Uh... yes! Yes, that's it!

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Really?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium No. That's not true, either.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Really?

Jerry_kill_icon_medium The truth is... we couldn't find any pictures of a full TCF Bank Stadium that didn't include at least 15,000 Iowa fans.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Oh.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Or Wisconsin fans.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Ah.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Or Nebraska fans.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Yeah.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Or North Dakota State fans.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Ugh.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Or South Dakota fans.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium /sigh

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Or --

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Okay, Coach, I get it. Those fanbases are something else.

Jerry_kill_icon_medium Yep.

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium /gets up

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium You know what, Coach? I believe that some day -- someday soon! -- the Bank will be packed full of Gopher fans! 50,000 Gopher fans crammed into every seat in the place!

Jerry_kill_icon_medium That's the spirit, MarQueis!

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium Ski-u-mah! Ski-u-mah!

Marqueis_gray_icon_medium /leaves room

Jerry_kill_icon_medium /shakes head sadly

Jerry_kill_icon_medium 50,000 Gopher fans? Ha! You poor, deluded fool... what did Tim Brewster do to you?

* * *

Somewhere in the darkest reaches of America (aka, Mississippi)...

Brewsterpowericon_medium /perks up

Brewsterpowericon_medium BREW SENSE TINGLING

Brewsterpowericon_medium RETURN GLORY TRIUMPH

Brewsterpowericon_medium FIGHT TRY COWBELL

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9347_tracker