I think that it is long past time to do something about AIRBHG. His exploits are well known to Iowa fans and don't deserve to be rehashed here. His carnage has even surpassed ASTDHG (Angry Spinal Tap Drummer Hating God), although to AIRBHG's credit he hasn't exploded anybody (knock on wood). If Iowa fans are like me, and I know you are, then I'm sure you have tried all of the typical sacrifice victims chickens, virgins, virgin chickens, Purdue Pete etc. but it appears AIRBHG's hunger for Iowa running backs cannot be satiated and frankly I think the stains in my basement might hurt my house's resell value (Purdue Pete's a bleeder). Its time for a new tactic. We will never appease AIRBHG it's time to take him out. And if I've learned anything from Clash of the Titans its that if you want to take down a God you need a hero/demigod. Who could come to Iowa's aide in its time of need? Well, after considerable thought I have identified several candidates. I will admit that I can't confirm that any of the following are demigods, however I have reason to believe that they just might be.
Bob Sanders: Demigod qualities are pretty self explanatory. However, it does seem he is past his prime.
Brent Metcalf: Again pretty obvious. I like his candidacy because I think he would be particularly vicious. If successful he doesn't just kill AIRBHG but decapitates him.
Beserker Fran McCaffrey: I think that this may be our best shot. Its important to note that Fran will only be successfulin a berserker state. Normal Fran simply can't inflict enough damage but berserker Fran watch out. All we need is a AIRBHG and Fran in the same room, some pathetic basketball coupled with poor officiating, and a couple of folding chairs. Let's make it happen.