This thing is just a cornucopia of delights:
* 0:00: Goldie's comically oversize iPod! To be fair, though, running a normal iPod with those giant furry mascot fingers would be sheer hell.
* 0:12: So Bucky broke into Camp Randall, Herky's at the new Rec Center, the PSU lion is apparently roaming through an empty field, Herbie is in some sort of gym space, Sparty's breakdancing in front of the MSU Student Union, and Goldie... Goldie appears to be prowling all over the Twin Cities.
* 0:40: GET DOWN FROM THERE BEFORE YOU GET HURT, HERKY
* 0:50: You know Lincoln is an evil place when the sight of a mascot dancing awkwardly on a mall escalator doesn't make any bystanders bat an eye.
* 0:56: There are few things more disgusting than the smell of wet mascots. I almost pity the girls in the lake next to Goldie. Almost -- they did choose to go to Minnesota, after all.
* 1:01: AAAAIIIIEEEEE BEGONE DEMONSPAWN
* 1:22: It's commendable that while some mascots are frolicking in lakes or hitting on coeds, there's one mascot out there who's working even while he's filmed for this video. Kudos to you, Nittany Lion thing.
* 1:25: SERIOUSLY HERKY IS TRAPPED SOMEONE RESCUE HIM
* 1:30: Honestly, I was just impressed that Sparty was able to go a full ten seconds here without taking a break. Jerel Worthy is impressed, dawg.
* 1:43: I would be more impressed by that headstand if you didn't have an enormous plush head to use for balance, Bucky.
* 1:47: OH THANK GOD, HERKY IS NO LONGER TRAPPED. And he's now at the Coral Ridge Ice Rink, apparently.
* 1:50: For real, look at the work ethic of the Nittany Lion. It's almost like he's doing community service or something.
* 1:54: No one likes to be accosted at the beach, Goldie, especially by a wet, smelly mascot.
* 2:04: As near as I can tell from this video, Bucky Badger has no friends. Sad.
* 2:11: GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY
* 2:27: GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY
* 2:31: Why yes, Nittany Lion, it is important to stay fit.
* 2:34: I want to say that Herky can ball, but let's be real: he'd get that thing stolen in about 0.2 seconds on the court.
* 2:36: East Lansing is looking pretty bro-tastic.
* 2:39: Herbie Husker may or may not be using this video to audition for the lead role in a community theater production of "Footloose."
* 2:54: It's hypnotic.
* 2:57: Herbie Husker may also be trying to let us know that he's a pimp in this video.
* 3:11: Cool down, Sparty. I'm sure one of your bros will be back with a "protein shake" for you soon.
Absent from that video are mascots for Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, just Northwestern, and Purdue. Indiana and Michigan don't have a humanoid mascot and Illinois' humanoid mascot got sent to the great mascot graveyard in the sky a few years ago, but jNW and Purdue don't really have any excuse for not participating here. HATERS.