BHGP Offseason Project: Pitbull's Great Alaska Shootout

DO NOT CLICK PLAY. I'M WARNING YOU.

There were two people ultimately responsible for the underwhelming 2011 football season: Steele Jantz and Pitbull. While Jantz might be an Iowa-centric cause of stupefaction, Pitbull went worldwide. His Dr. Pepper commercial played non-stop and had no relationship whatsoever with college football (Though its theme of "Drinking Dr. Pepper under a freeway overpass" is a remarkably accurate rendition of the Lincoln tailgate experience, Dr. Pepper has notified us this is only a coincidence), and his presence was pretty much universally scorned.

Pitbull ruined 2011. Now it's a real good time to ruin his 2012.

In one of the singularly most loathsome and detestable cross-promotions of all time, Wal-Mart and Pitbull have teamed up to sell "energy strips" that we presume make your bottle of Stoli sing Russian opera and your cigarette make the sound of a trombone. You can enter your zip code and "like" your local Wal-Mart; the Wal-Mart with the most "likes" gets a live concert appearance from Mr. Un Muy Bien Tiempo himself. You can enter any zip code you want and "like" any store in the chain, of course, and Pitbull would be required to play a show there.

I'm not saying there should be any shenanigans. I'm just saying that Kodiak, Alaska has a zip code of 99550. Reddit is already working on it, and I think we should help. Let's do this, BHGProletariat. Let's send Pitbull to Alaska.

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