NUMBER TWO SEED: ANGRY IOWA RUNNING BACK HATING GOD
What He did to get here: Took out Rodney Coe (academically ineligible), Mika'il McCall, Marcus Coker, and Mika'il McCall again. And then Marcus Coker again, although it was kind of just an extension of the first strike. It's really quite ridiculous.
NUMBER SEVEN SEED: COACH VENDING MACHINE
What it did to get here: Accidentally got hired as quarterbacks coach, then got fired for espousing its love of Dana Holgorsen's offense.
Let's go to the ring for the announcements.
FIGHTING OUT OF THE RED CORNER, WEIGHING IN AS BOTH HEAVIER THAN ALL MASS AND LIGHTER THAN AIR, WITH A PROFESSIONAL RECORD OF FOURTEEN WINS, ZERO DEFEATS, ALL FOURTEEN BY KNOCKOUT!
THE MAGNIFICENCE OF OMNIPOTENCE, THE KOKOU OF COKER, THE MANAGALA OF MIKA'IL MCCALLA, HE SEES ALL, HE KNOWS ALL, HE DESTROYS ALL!
AND FIGHTING OUT OF THE BLUE CORNER, WEIGHING IN AT ABOUT 325 POUNDS, HAILING FROM...hey, where is the opponent?
/counts to ten
/pronounces AIRBHG the winner
ANGRY IOWA RUNNING BACK HATING GOD WINS BY FORFEIT
Meanwhile, in the basement of the Hayden Fry Football Complex...