Welp, Iowa just got another running back commit. The cat is probably out of the bag as far as AIRBHG's fiendish plans for this poor soul; but I'm not going to make it easy for AIRBHG by putting said poor soul's name in this piece. Nope. In fact, what I propose is that all Iowa running backs; current and future, change their identity and/or live in alternate geographical locations. Example: by changing his name to Fred Durst and temporarily have him take up residence in Venice Beach, CA, we could have saved Barkley Hill from a run in with the law early this off season. Well, at least a run in with the law as Barkley Hill.
Living in Kentucky under the pseudonym Waylon Jennings prior to coming to Iowa City could've thrown AIRBHG off of Mika'il McCall's scent long enough to keep him healthy for a few more games as a Hawk. He then tallies games where he accumulates a few hundred yards scores a handful of times.....presto - he has now gotten a taste of success at Iowa and sticks around.
One running back in recent memory escaped AIRBHG's grasp and had monumental success: Shonn Greene. This model will also be based off of the prowess of Greene, and there are a couple other features added in to further help our cursed bunch of running backs. Regular training sessions with Purdue running back guru, Frank Duong. Greene used the Boilermaker defensive back as a textbook example of how to directly confront a defender. In addition to working with Duong, during the off-season our running backs will be employed by various home furnishing companies from around the country. We don't need to worry about an NCAA violation here, because they will be working under their assumed name, and not their real name that would appear on a scholarship.
Obviously, this is not a fool proof plan. After all, we are dealing with an omnipresent super-being. He is eventually going to realize the fake identities of Iowa running backs and do what he chooses to them. What if Jordan Canzeri had been living in anonymity this last off season as Iowa pre-law student Jessica Dominguez, from Santa Fe, New Mexico?
It is my hope that AIRBHG eventually moves on, to exact his evilness on a different crop of individuals. If he is looking for ideas, I have a great suggestion: start with the cast of Jersey Shore.