Murphy's Law'd

Murphy’s Law: "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong".

So I bought a shirt at goodwill the other day. It was a green shirt with the picture of a leprechaun on it that said “Murphy’s Law School.” I thought it would be cool because I am Irish and currently in law school. That night, I returned home after drinking and realized my pillow cover was in the wash and I hadn’t switched it to the dryer. Filled with drunken ingenuity, I was undeterred. I grabbed the closest shirt that came to hand, the Murphy’s Law shirt, put it on my pillow, and passed out.

The next morning, about four hours later, I woke up hung over with my roommate’s damn cat sleeping on my neck. I had forgotten to shut the door to my room and the cat, as he always does, had snuck in. I sleepily threw him off and pulled the covers up to my face.

Then I smelled it: the worst smell I had ever smelt in my entire life.

I moved my nose closer to a strange small spot on my covers, and accidently got too close- it was wet. I peeled the cover off and looked down at my chest and saw in the early morning light something terrifying: a clump of goo. Oh no, the cat took a dump on me, I thought as I hastily ran to the bathroom.

If only.

When I turned on the bathroom light I was perplexed. The clump wasn’t cat shit, it was purple. I had evidently rolled around in it a little because there were smear marks all over my chest. I hastily scrubbed the putrid smelling goo off as best I could. I then returned to my room, lifted my pillow to check for damage, and there it was.

Under my green-shirt-pillow case; a dead, bloody mouse. My roommate’s cat had brought it in. As I carried the dead mouse to the door and threw it in my back lawn a detail I had not thought about came to me.

The. goo. had. seeds. in. it.

It hit me suddenly- it wasn’t cat shit I had been rolling in but dead mouse shit. The purple was due to the berries it had eaten!

I dived into the shower and scrubbed until my skin was raw. I then washed my covers, my sheets, and the shirt several times.

Fast forward to last night. I was minding my own business, doing homework, and waiting for the Iowa Penn State game. My law school friends were throwing a party that night, so I busted out my Murphy’s Law school shirt to wear for after the game. Kickoff started about 5 minutes later- and what followed for the next three hours was the equivalent to waking up, hung over, covered with dead mouse shit.

I have since burned the shirt, as I should have done right away.

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Murphy's Law'd

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