A Three Day Hangover: My Take on Iowa-Minnesota

Alcohol tends to alter decision making ability. Abusing alcohol, while perhaps offering a person a good time, may lead them to do things they know they shouldn’t do. Things that seem like a great idea when you’re drunk (getting down with some hot chick), all of a sudden seem like a bad idea once you have a head ache and vomit breath (she’s your cousin). Iowa’s win over the power house Minnesota program shows us, that while the moment was euphoric, the cold light of day still sheds some dark spots on our victory.

I have officially joined the fire Kurt movement. The tipping point? Late in the 4th quarter, he had Jake Rudock warming up on the sideline, and then didn’t even send him out to take the knee. He knows that once Jake gets in front of the Kinnick faithful, he’ll win over the crowd and make him look like a moran even further. I have not seen a replay yet, but if memory serves correct, when VandenFavre tried to take that knee, he over shot his target by 15 feet.

I get the impression that VandenFavre is the kind of guy who can’t release when he’s at the urinal and another guy walks in. The guy can’t handle even the most modest pressure in the pocket, so one can only assume that the second he hears footsteps, the linoleum around the john has a yellow tint.

What is up with the Goofers defense? They packed 10 guys in the box all day, and still couldn’t stop Weitman? Is our offensive line that good, or is their defense that inept? I know people have long complained that the Iowa offense is predictable, but before we had the threat to pass and we didn’t do it. Now, we can literally only do one thing right…thank God no one else knows how to stop it. Is there a way to show VandenFavre more disrespect than what Minnesota did? Well, I can think of one thing, and now I have to put a book on my lap.

BTW, maybe someone should tell Grandpa Gregg that the two times you tried to go deep on Friday, you ended up with points on the board. Gregg would make one hell of a Rugby coach, but I think American Football teams had more success throwing forwards than backwards. Maybe he thinks the concept of “Punishing them deep” is a bit too risqué’ for a family team, but since there are very few guys in the crowd dressed in Gimp outfits, I say get in there deep and make them feel it. Make them beg for mercy until they shout “STROSS THREAD!” Excuse me, I need to grab a cigarette.

Of course, I do have to give Gregg credit for dialing up one deep play in particular; the flea flicker. Now this is a play that I have not seen work since I played Tecmo Super Bowl in 1995. I guess not all aspects of retro offenses are lame. I thought the Minnesota defense end had a chance to break it up, but he didn’t press “A” fast enough. Also regarding that play, I originally thought Jordan Cotton was a reference to those Hanes commercials where #23 has a Hitler mustache and that white guy shoves his crank in his face.

On the bright side, I am almost ready to declare that Mark Weitman is the one to destroy the curse of AIRBHG. No one wants to get in front of this guy, not even an ethereal boogeyman. Perhaps AIRBHG will try and find new victims. I know quite a few people who wouldn’t mind if he starting taking a pipe to some new knees, and become AIQBHG. Just make sure he doesn’t have a cross bow.

On a personal note here, I can’t remember a game where so many Iowa fans were upset that we blew out our opponent. Perhaps it is difficult for me to relate to people who are wrong all the time, but should you really lash out at the team after you bury them, and they dig themselves out and haunt you like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill? What’s more important; That the Hawks win, or that your internet declarations prove correct. The answer of course is: Yes and yes.

A quick word on the defense, which I have largely ignored. Who thought Kirksy looked like a WR last week? I think that was the only pass that was thrown right at an Iowa players numbers all day. Maybe we should be the first team in history to have a LB return punts. The defensive line looked awesome too. I think our defensive strategy all season should be to find QB’s that are slow enough for our D-Line to catch. MSU has a slow QB right? I like our D’s chances against them.

Good luck during the Bi-week fellas. I know most of you have an established weekend routine of being buzzed by 6 a.m., and you may have trouble coping this weekend. Just remember, the team will still be practicing to stay in form, and you should too. Irish up that coffee when you wake up. Scream at your kids if they get a bad grade, and tell them that kids in Nebraska have the same problems but don’t use the same excuses. Tell your wife her performance has been mediocre for years, but you’re stuck with her.

Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.

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