Andrew Weber-US PRESSWIRE - Presswire
Polling and trolling your degree of nervousness in advance of the big, prime-time game.
According to Mas Casa, as shared by the man himself on The Kirk Ferentz Radio Show last night, our running back and Lord Our Savior Mark Weisman is not seriously injured, but he might be injured just enough so that he'll not be able to play on Saturday.
You realize, of course, what this means? A largely untested, pixie true freshman running back might be asked to carry the weight of an entire Midwestern state, the hopes and dreams of one of the finest research universities in the world, and the burden of converting my $25 two-team parlay that I placed on Iowa and Central Michigan at Bunnies Pizza and Nail Salon in Newark yesterday into a winner, winner Chimichanga dinner, at this Saturday's nationally televised contest.
My wife looked at me this morning and said, and I quote, "You sir, look nervous." To which I replied, "Yeah? Well, you're wrong. I'm more confident than a Gene Keady comb-over." To which she replied, "Real funny Van Der Sloot." To which I replied, "I have to poop." And that moment got me thinking.
I am nervous!
But just how nervous is a mystery to me. But, as I wrapped up my morning code brown it dawned on me there's a very useful tool I can use to help me classify my distress.
So, straight from the Scandinavian Journal on Gastroenterology I present today's BHGP poll.
Using the "Meyers Scale" as developed by Dr. Ken Heaton at the University of Bristol in 1972, how would you rate your nervousness about the upcoming game with Penn State, knowing Iowa may be starting Greg Garmon at running back?
Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass) – zero wipes; essentially a paperless office. (17 votes)
Sausage-shaped, but lumpy – 1 to 3 wipes; cleans in one easy step. (29 votes)
Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface – 4 or 5 wipes; more than you expected, but less than you feared. (106 votes)
Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft – 6 to 7 wipes; excessive, if not a panicky amount of wiping. (103 votes)
Soft blobs with clear-cut edges (passed easily) – 8 or 9 wipes; will clog most non-commercial toilets. (92 votes)
Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool – 10 wipes; you will need to wash your hands as if a surgeon (or Lady Macbeth). (56 votes)
Watery, no solid pieces. Entirely liquid - 10+ wipes; proceed directly to shower. (78 votes)
481 total votes