Are You There, Cyclone Fan? It's Me Again.
by jebushchrist on Sep 7, 2011 2:30 PM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
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(Original Photo Credit: Rebekka Brown / Iowa State Daily)
Hey, Cyclone fan. I know it's been awhile. Sorry about that. Let me make it up to you with a gift. It's the best kind of gift because it's one you didn't know you needed.
"What will you do, Jebus?"
I'm going to make your momma love me like she loves Mark Harmon.
We'll meet cute at Walmart. I'll ask her what time she gets off and treat her to a cup of coffee. I'll pretend I don't notice the velcro on her Reeboks and she'll pretend she doesn't know great my ass looks. It'll start out slow. I don't want her to think I think she's easily had. She's not a trick. She's a lady. I'll casually drop in to see her near the end of her next shift, not the beginning. You see, I want her greeting every new customer with "Hello, welcome to Walmart..." as she strains like a plump little prairie dog to see if I'm coming through that door. After me, her previously fake bubbly greeting will now be drenched in sadness just like the greasy meatball sandwiches from the Subway she devours on her 15 minute breaks. The sandwiches have lost their luster, just like her greeting, because she got a little taste of me. Have no fear! I'll lift her spirits by buying her a new Beanie Baby for the back window of her Chevy Malibu. I'll attach a note saying, "Fish fry with your guy?"
It's game over right there, son. But I'm not done yet.
I will take her for a fish fry out of town, maybe in Huxley, and when they deliver her Mai Tai I'll angrily send it back even if there's nothing wrong with it. I'll excuse myself from the table and make sure she sees me instructing the slovenly bartender how to make a proper cocktail for my lady. On the way home I'll select the "Special Lady" playlist I created for her and when Randy Travis starts caterwauling about loving her forever and ever I will clutch her leathery claw and gaze into her good eye. We will watch Dancing With The Stars in standard-definition on her 19-inch RCA television and during the second commercial break I'll break into an impromptu Paso Doble then I'll suggest we take a ballroom dancing class together. I will teach her how to Google. I will write my recipe for buttermilk biscuits in calligraphy on a 3 X 5 note card, wrap it in a cardinal ribbon, and place it behind "bacon" in her recipe box. I will take her to JC Penney's and acquire her a new denim shirt. I will watch Tom Hanks movies with her. I will take her to Michaels Arts & Crafts and buy her a ceramic pot filled with silk flowers. As I arrange them artfully on the mantle in front of your senior picture of you and your Grand Am I'll explain to her that real flowers die but silk is forever. I will go to the best printer in Story County and have him custom design a booklet of massage coupons for her. 1 card will just say "A Naughty One". I will make her vast vaginal crevice wet for the first time in 21 years, but it's not love's natural nectar. I will make your momma's vagina cry. Her dusty uterus will weep for my seed, redemption, and the chance to right her greatest wrong: You.
On the day I have her feeble mind, atrophied body, and empty soul in my hands I will make plans to take her on a romantic getaway to Branson to see the Statler Brothers. On the day of the trip I'll call from my luxury automobile tell her I love her and I'm on my way. Then I won't show up. See, I'm not going to fuck your mother, mother fucker. I'm going to make her want me more than she wants to be Gayle King and then I'm never going to call her again. Only then will she know what it's like to be you. When you see her broken posture and empty countenance it will be like looking into a really old mirror. That's my gift to you.
You love your program so much but they don't love you back. I'd call it unrequited but you don't know what that means. Your program is a regional laughingstock. The only thing saving it from national humiliation is indifference. No one even knows who you are. Your own AD hates you so much he went to the trouble to remove your season opener from television so you'd have to show up at the asphalt shitbucket of a stadium. OR you could pay to watch it on the internet. We all know how that worked out. Your conference even hates you. Schools are leaving and they don't even have anywhere to go. The Big 12 is disbanding right before your goopy eyes and you're powerless to stop it. In a year or two you'll go from worst team in the Big 12 North to the 5th best team in the Mountain West. How do you not see this? Your school hates you. Let me break it down for you in terms even you can understand. No matter how much you love your Cyclones they don't care. It's a black hole of disappointment and pain and you deserve it. The only thing that hates you more than them is me.
I'm done now.
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Sir, you've outdone yourself.
A thousand bravos.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
Goddam
Between this, the state pride unis and a Hawkeye F15, it’s been a beautiful few days at BHGP.
Brilliant and thank you.
Burt Reynolds is my spirit guide.
by Ill Jukes on Sep 7, 2011 2:38 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
The best part of the CloneZone debacle...
…is that article you linked to is from 2007. It’s 4 years later and they’re having the same goddamn problem.
I enjoyed that quite a bit myself. Thanks for noticing.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
"I'd call it unrequited but you don't know what that means."
Terrific.
Iowa State is truly the gift that keeps on giving.
My thoughts exactly
That is some top quality hate right there
"He lowballed us and said: 'Take it or leave it. If you don't take our offer, you are rolling the dice.' I said: 'Consider them rolled.' " - Jim "Huge Brass Balls" Delaney
by ClaybornSmash on Sep 7, 2011 2:53 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, the pic didn't come up @ work
but as soon as I read “Are you there, Cyclone Fan?” I literally, out loud, said “Awwww SHIT! Here we go!”
Thanks for pumping up hate week to its proper level.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 3:34 PM CDT up reply actions
Damn, it's good to have him back.
"'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." - Lewis Caroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass
by chitownhawkeye on Sep 7, 2011 4:48 PM CDT up reply actions
But I know your hatred will never match that of your hatred for Purdue
It will be like prison rape
A futile crusade to prevent mass ignorance
HammerAndRails, SBNation's Boilermaker Blog
At least at Purdue you get occasional periods of relevancy
Hell, god even loves you enough to have your greatest recent player continue to wear your school colors.
We may hate you Purdue, but at least Purdue doesn’t hate its own fans like ISWho.
This is beautiful.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Holy crap that's brutal.
Rumble in the Garden - St. John's blog with thunderous undertones, on SB Nation | Follow on Facebook | Follow on Twitter
I know, right? I mean they had to watch their opener on a failing internet feed.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
I have much more faith in BTN than I'd ever put in CloneZone.
by The Mexican't on Sep 7, 2011 3:36 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, ISU should spring for some engineers to get that worked out... oh. Better call OMHR.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
There's like 100 basketball games and Iowa sprung for a server that can handle broadcasting.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
by jebushchrist on Sep 7, 2011 3:37 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I'm glad I was eating while I read this
And somehow, the sheer beauty of it kept me from losing my appetite. Even at the parts about female genitalia. I applaud you.
Savage, terrible beauty...
This picture, was it taken when defeat became certain? Or was it snapped during the national anthem?
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"George Teague doesn't give a shit what down it is. He gets the ball, or he dies." ~ Spencer Hall
by Blackheartnopants on Sep 7, 2011 2:48 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
For ISU, there is no difference.
"No I'm not going to 'limber up'. You ever see a lion stretching before it takes down a gazelle?"
by Swarley on Sep 7, 2011 3:19 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
That's the stuff.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 7, 2011 9:26 PM CDT up reply actions
I knew whatever lurked after the jump may possibly get me fired for reading it at work
But I did it anyway. This is my sacrifice to you, BHGP.
Darkness warshed over the Dude - darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Sep 7, 2011 2:49 PM CDT reply actions
Rec'd.... I actually know someone with a recipe for bacon!
I swear the "robbed a place" was actually not ment as a smart ass remark. I just forgot that he actually robbed a place for a second. ~ justsomehawkeyefan
I do too
But their recipe is for curing bacon at home. I don’t think that’s what Jebus meant though.
In the Company of Cyclowns
jebushchrist style
"Sometimes the truth gets in the way of a good story" - KF
by The Bacon Explosion on Sep 7, 2011 2:54 PM CDT reply actions
My first thought was.....
Jebus Christ this is Hate Week porn.
Then I wished you had taken some Polaroids.
I swear the "robbed a place" was actually not ment as a smart ass remark. I just forgot that he actually robbed a place for a second. ~ justsomehawkeyefan
by Kluginator on Sep 7, 2011 2:55 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
In the time it took me to read the portion after the jump, this got 4 recs
Magnificent
"He lowballed us and said: 'Take it or leave it. If you don't take our offer, you are rolling the dice.' I said: 'Consider them rolled.' " - Jim "Huge Brass Balls" Delaney
Wow, nice work.
Sadly, I have a senior picture of myself in front of my Grand Am. Man, I was a dork.
by Kinnick Stadium is my Graceland on Sep 7, 2011 2:57 PM CDT reply actions
Holy fucking shit
You, good sir, have put even the most beautifully described Shakespearean emotions to shame with this…. bra-fucking-vo.
"Somebody change JoePa's colostomy bag!"
Damn. Serenity taught you this?
This is the meanest hate I’ve seen on the tubes in quite some time. Rec’d for being funny the whole damn time.
In case you aren't aware, it's a series.
I had to go back and read the original. Beautiful.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 3:44 PM CDT up reply actions
WHY HASN'T EVERYONE READ EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WRITTEN ALREADY!
Yeah, so here’s the one I wrote a few years ago for those who’ve never had the pleasure.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
Because you stopped posting for a while and everyone thought you were dead.
But as we all know Jebus has risen.
/glances at meg
//stiffles giggle
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 3:56 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
Things move slower in MN
Three days was out of the question, 3 years seems more appropriate.
by The Mexican't on Sep 7, 2011 3:59 PM CDT up reply actions
I was too busy dancing provocatively to Steve Winwood in front of him for him to blog.
For 2 years.
"Don't talk about me like I'm not here!" Shelby
by dmbmeg on Sep 7, 2011 3:59 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
In the pic at the link below,
that’s you in the green, isn’t it?
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 7, 2011 9:31 PM CDT up reply actions
We all know that's a lie
there was no stifling of that giggle
"'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." - Lewis Caroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass
by chitownhawkeye on Sep 7, 2011 4:50 PM CDT up reply actions
AND
here’s everything jebushchrist has ever written for the Pants Community- – get crackin noobs. We’ll wait.
Also, it’s amazing what one can find when one starts poking around the archives.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 4:07 PM CDT up reply actions
It was an homage to this shot, obvs.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
Have you mentioned that you were once a MARCHIFORNICATION participant?
That would be really good for picking up internet chic…
WAIT, MEG WAS IN MARCHIFORNICATION TOO!
No wonder you two don’t share a computer.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 6:01 PM CDT up reply actions
Ahem. Not a participant. A winner.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
Do either of you still have the infamous swim cap?
/doesn’t mean it in a creepy way
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 6:36 PM CDT up reply actions
Um, did that pic go from being small earlier to being HUGE now?
I don’t get it. I resized and everything. Am I in the matrix? How many days til Xmas? I have to pee.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 10:30 PM CDT up reply actions
And now it's back to normal. Whoa. Through the looking glass.
Whatever.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 10:35 PM CDT up reply actions
Whatever it was
that you smoked, you should either stop, or smoke more. I’m not sure which. Probably depends on if you are in California.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 8, 2011 5:39 PM CDT up reply actions
jebus, I love your hate.
Is this a good place to post a, let’s just say slightly unwise, ISU license plate photo? Is that SBN/BHGP legal? I feel like this is as good a place as any. Thanks.
Hey Dolph, you look like I need a beer.
by Give Eddie a Beer on Sep 7, 2011 3:07 PM CDT reply actions
Um, yeah.
Read the rules of etiquette. As long as it’s not racist, homophobic, sexist, or porn, it’s probably OK.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
We should all move to Europe.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
In Europe, Black Heart Gold Pants is a Borussia Dortmund blog.
They spend all day posting porn, talking politics, and slandering other races.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
They never use the subject line to post gifs either.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
Of course not.
They’re savages.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
So you're saying that ATO is a German snuff blog?
by The Mexican't on Sep 7, 2011 4:00 PM CDT up reply actions
It is.
Even here in the USA.
NEIN ON THE SUBJECT LINE!!!
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 7, 2011 9:34 PM CDT up reply actions
banned
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
You have to get really, really drunk and follow these shady-looking guys...
Wait, that was BEERFEST, wasn’t it?
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
And we have a bright pink sponsor across our jerseys.
Actually, that makes way more sense now that I think about it.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Sep 7, 2011 7:51 PM CDT up reply actions
TOPLESS PHOTOS ALL AROUND.
For your consideration:
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 8:38 PM CDT up reply actions 6 recs
God, Europorn is the best...
Or have I said too much?
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"George Teague doesn't give a shit what down it is. He gets the ball, or he dies." ~ Spencer Hall
by Blackheartnopants on Sep 7, 2011 3:42 PM CDT up reply actions
Beats the hell out of manga tentacle porn.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
Of course it is
Five dudez bonin a woman dressed like a goat? Totally possible. One fancy schoolgirl having sex with a 15-tentacled space monster? Get real.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"George Teague doesn't give a shit what down it is. He gets the ball, or he dies." ~ Spencer Hall
by Blackheartnopants on Sep 7, 2011 4:24 PM CDT up reply actions
Why are we still talking about Acie Earl's movie?
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 7, 2011 9:35 PM CDT up reply actions 4 recs
Nice
Shared a flight into Cedar Rapids with Mr. Earl a week ago.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
What is the 15-tentacled version of the Mile High Club?
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 8, 2011 5:40 PM CDT up reply actions
Don't they have nudity on Canadian TV and stuff?
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
by The Bird Cult on Sep 7, 2011 4:09 PM CDT up reply actions
Nudity does not equal porn.
When Ann Murray fellates Bryan Adams on Canadian TV call me. Actually, don’t call me. Valerie, call me…Call on meeeeeeeee, caaaall, me, Valerieeeeeeeeeee, caaaaaall me!
Are you dancing now, Meg?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Sep 7, 2011 7:55 PM CDT up reply actions
I'm sure his Daddy is proud
It seems fitting I’m listening to Drowning Pool’s “Desensitized” right now and the song “Think” while reading this post.
Absolutely fucking beyond edge of the universe BRILLIANT.
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
by The Bird Cult on Sep 7, 2011 3:56 PM CDT up reply actions
Mastodon is what I listen to while writing. Although I think I mixed a little Mr Bungle in for this one.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
Its really funny. I'm having a hard time not breaking into hysterical laughter here in my cube...
I sent the URLs to my cousin; he’s a big Iowa fan but I don’t think he’s discovered BGHP yet.
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
by The Bird Cult on Sep 7, 2011 4:10 PM CDT up reply actions
Thanks. It feels good to know I can damage workplace productivity through the interwebs.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
I'm definitely screwed for the rest of the day, so thanks.
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
by The Bird Cult on Sep 7, 2011 4:19 PM CDT up reply actions
Mr. Bungle, huh?
Tell me you’ve seen this. Easily one of the more surreal moments on daytime TV.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Sep 7, 2011 7:58 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Wow. So, like... huh.
The way she rattles that stuff off, it’s like… I mean she isn’t that good of an actress, right? So, like, am I to believe she’s actually into Mr. Bungle?
/asplode
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 8:02 PM CDT up reply actions
If she is that would actually be disappointing.
I like the idea of a bored writer toiling in the salt mines of soap operas, waiting for his/her big break and just slipping in a highly-detailed obscure reference point that absolutely nobody on-set has any knowledge of. It’s weird and amazing.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Sep 7, 2011 8:08 PM CDT up reply actions
I assume/hope that's the case.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 10:36 PM CDT up reply actions
It's like he knew YouTube was about to get big or something.
Templeton Rye'd the Lightning.
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Sep 7, 2011 10:45 PM CDT up reply actions
I have not. wOw
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
Whaddya think of the new tracks?
Curl of the Burl is so damn catchy.
Templeton Rye'd the Lightning.
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Sep 7, 2011 10:50 PM CDT up reply actions
I can't get into it. Not bad just not me.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
by jebushchrist on Sep 7, 2011 10:52 PM CDT up reply actions
That seems to be what a lot of people are saying.
It’s definitely a departure to a more mainstream sound, but I admire it because of that.
Templeton Rye'd the Lightning.
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Sep 8, 2011 12:28 AM CDT up reply actions
It's great.
As are the other two.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Sep 8, 2011 6:22 AM CDT up reply actions
Yep.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 7, 2011 9:46 PM CDT up reply actions
I can't quite decide which part is my favorite:
On the way home I’ll select the “Special Lady” playlist I created for her and when Randy Travis starts caterwauling about loving her forever and ever I will clutch her leathery claw and gaze into her good eye.
I will take her to Michaels Arts & Crafts and buy her a ceramic pot filled with silk flowers. As I arrange them artfully on the mantle in front of your senior picture of you and your Grand Am I’ll explain to her that real flowers die but silk is forever.
I will go to the best printer in Story County and have him custom design a booklet of massage coupons for her. 1 card will just say “A Naughty One”. I will make her vast vaginal crevice wet for the first time in 21 years, but it’s not love’s natural nectar. I will make your momma’s vagina cry. Her dusty uterus will weep for my seed, redemption, and the chance to right her greatest wrong: You.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 7, 2011 10:01 PM CDT up reply actions
Let's not play favorites. Although I think it reads better if you listen to Randy Travis while you read it. It's so Ames.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
by jebushchrist on Sep 7, 2011 10:19 PM CDT up reply actions
I have an ISU friend. Say the words "Randy Travis" and she starts ovulating.
Saying “George Strait” works as well.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"George Teague doesn't give a shit what down it is. He gets the ball, or he dies." ~ Spencer Hall
by Blackheartnopants on Sep 7, 2011 10:30 PM CDT up reply actions
You Sir...
Win the internet, please tell me there will be more of these as the season goes on..
Football, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are created equal.
by Put Down the Haterade on Sep 7, 2011 3:16 PM CDT reply actions
I'll just leave this here. jebus, did you mean Impala rather than Malibu?
I tried to resize, but I couldn’t get it to work. I am sorry for the huge.
Hey Dolph, you look like I need a beer.
by Give Eddie a Beer on Sep 7, 2011 3:20 PM CDT reply actions 8 recs
Never apologize for the huge.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
Big dicks everywhere cheer.
Templeton Rye'd the Lightning.
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Sep 7, 2011 4:20 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Wong side of the road.
/damniamanidiot
ROR
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 3:46 PM CDT up reply actions
ISUCK 8====D O-:
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull." - W.C. Fields
by rockyh on Sep 7, 2011 5:55 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Incon Sola Bowl
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 6:05 PM CDT up reply actions
Balls, that is some major league hate.
Well-fucking-done!
"No I'm not going to 'limber up'. You ever see a lion stretching before it takes down a gazelle?"
This is hate taken to a whole new level.
Well done, sir. Well done.
by Dr. Hawkeye, Ph.D. on Sep 7, 2011 3:31 PM CDT reply actions
This isn't just hate week at BHGP
It’s utterly humiliate little brother week!
Dear Iowa State
Thanks for the wrestling coach.
Signed,
Rambler
P.S. Why doesn’t Iowa play Drake instead?
"I hope we're not looking past Alabama to Temple the next Saturday." - Jack Ham
We did a long time ago
Before they dropped to Div III… and beat the living dogshit out of them.
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
by The Bird Cult on Sep 7, 2011 4:11 PM CDT up reply actions
P.S.
Thanks for giving us one back in 1976…
by schadenfreude on Sep 7, 2011 5:24 PM CDT up reply actions
This is the kind of hate that no trounced up protected "rivalry" could ever produce
The most hateful, beautiful, funny thing I’ve read in a long time. Kudos.
This is the letter Hlas should have posted this morning.
You got no fear of the underdog; That's why you will not survive!
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Sep 7, 2011 3:39 PM CDT reply actions
That letter he posted made me sad
cause isu fan thought he could get into the B1G. Not so little man, not so.
I ain't been droppin no eaves, sir
by Cornfedhawkbred on Sep 7, 2011 3:46 PM CDT up reply actions
OTOH, the B1G might want a team for people to scrimmage against on a regular basis
So never say never.
I think ISU is headed to I-AA. Its inevitable, and I think they’d be a lot competitive at that level.
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
by The Bird Cult on Sep 7, 2011 4:12 PM CDT up reply actions
With the money struggles that ISU is likely to face I thought the same thing.
However, when I asked Morehouse he seemed to think that a non-AQ is as bad as it’ll get.
by The Mexican't on Sep 7, 2011 4:14 PM CDT up reply actions
I don't think anybody expected the Big 12 to break up as quickly as it is...
Although when you think about it, the Big 12 in its current form doesn’t make a hell of a lot of sense, either.. its basically TX-OU and a bunch of other teams that are either a) irrelevant or b) in really rural states.
NU and CU jumping just forced the issue to happen faster.
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
by The Bird Cult on Sep 7, 2011 4:24 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, how could a conference with two good teams and eight irrelevant ones ever work?
I’ve never heard of a conference like that before. Ever.
by 99FormationsButFourWideAin'tOne on Sep 7, 2011 5:32 PM CDT up reply actions
It's not 40 years ago anymore.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 6:07 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, they'll stay 1A.
Big East (until it dies), CUSA, MAC, Mountain West, whatever. And then when they all die… SEC? Haha, no, they’ll be fucked.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Sep 7, 2011 6:38 PM CDT up reply actions
I don't know
I really think ISU would have trouble, there are some really good football schools in that conference. Cedar Falls and CR Wash have improved a lot and Iowa City High is always good. I just don’t think ISU has the talent to break through.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
I think they would be more competitive there than in the FCS MVC.
I mean at least they could beat East…
by DJK's bongwater on Sep 8, 2011 10:01 AM CDT up reply actions
Well, they could beat East
at least 60% of the time
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
I see what you did up there.
And by the way, Waterloo East made the playoffs last year (with a 3-6 record or some shit, but still).
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 8, 2011 5:43 PM CDT up reply actions
That was.... amazing.
Jimmy, you ever spent any time in a Turkish prison?
Worst Twitter Ever = @SidewalkDrunk
Glad someone is still keeping score.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
Link to the original?
http://www.blackheartgoldpants.com/2007/9/13/13712/6905
Jack Trice Stadium - Easily one of the Top 10 Stadiums in Central Iowa
by Not Marv Cook on Sep 7, 2011 3:50 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, but then it was re-posted the next year and we haven't lost since.
Hmmmmmmmmm.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 3:54 PM CDT up reply actions
Only a true degenerate could compose something that beautiful.
/clap clap clap
by Stay thirsty, my friends. on Sep 7, 2011 4:03 PM CDT reply actions
I think there's ointment for that.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 4:08 PM CDT up reply actions
Well, Jebus did write
about the type of moves that Teddy Kennedy perfected.
/not a political comment, just an allusion to Jebus’s betting post from last week?
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 7, 2011 9:51 PM CDT up reply actions
Liked this one
“I will teach her how to Google.”
You have to admire the unvarnished nature of this hate. There’s Bellanca-like hate (scorching, but erudite and civil). There is dmbmeg hate (maze-like pokes that can often escalate to a cross examination…under oath). And there is more around here.
But this…this is just freewheeling literary deadpan that leaves your eyes sweaty.
It’s so extreme, it’s almost a compliment.
"I wish you luck with a capital 'F'" - The Real Elvis.
by StoopsMyAss on Sep 7, 2011 4:18 PM CDT reply actions 8 recs
I think we have a new tagline!
BHGP: So extreme, it’s almost a compliment.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Patrick Vint on Sep 7, 2011 4:31 PM CDT up reply actions 8 recs
If I'm guilty of anything it's caring too much.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
by jebushchrist on Sep 7, 2011 6:15 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
You're Joan Crawford
and Iowa State is your adopted daughter Christina.
"I wish you luck with a capital 'F'" - The Real Elvis.
AH, but nobody ever said life was fair, Tina. I'm bigger and I'm faster. I will always beat you.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
"...leaves your eyes sweaty."
Wow. I like that.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Sep 7, 2011 6:50 PM CDT up reply actions
What does that make HMFR hate then?
Templeton Rye'd the Lightning.
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Sep 7, 2011 10:58 PM CDT up reply actions
It made me think of Strictly Ballroom.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 8:04 PM CDT up reply actions
You should have...
Fucked the guy’s mother. I mean, wouldn’t the “break up” be even meaner? Second, you should have helped embroider hearts and glue those shimmery things whose name I cannot remember that go on prom dresses (NOT glitter) on her denim shirt.
The idea of anyone actually doing some ISU fan's mom makes me feel REALLY oogy.
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
by The Bird Cult on Sep 7, 2011 4:54 PM CDT up reply actions
Then don't consider that every single ISU fan has a mother and father.
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull." - W.C. Fields
Oh stop with the logic... its still all VERY oogy.
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
by The Bird Cult on Sep 7, 2011 6:04 PM CDT up reply actions
Do you want to touch that?
Thank you, no.
"'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." - Lewis Caroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass
by chitownhawkeye on Sep 7, 2011 4:54 PM CDT up reply actions
No you wouldn't want to but
he’d be doing it out of hate.
No, better idea. You should fuck all the mom's.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
Doing the other guy's mom is an ISU move.
Just ask Andrew Long.
Jebus was right to tease around the edge of the pool, but not actually jump in.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 7, 2011 9:53 PM CDT up reply actions
Saw this in Ames today
I will haunt your dreams and eat your children.
by Dr. Hawk on Sep 7, 2011 4:52 PM CDT reply actions 13 recs
I like that you've taken something unfathomably horrible and evil and made it terrific and funny.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Sep 7, 2011 6:52 PM CDT up reply actions 4 recs
Reduce Reuse Recycle
I’m glad Earth Day finally got off its dirty lazy patchouli stinking hippy ass and did something to give back to us.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 7:03 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I live my life by that code.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Sep 7, 2011 8:01 PM CDT up reply actions
I like this very much, Doc.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
I was inspired by the voracity of your prose, my friend, nothing more.
Now remind me, what the fuck does “voracity” mean?
I will haunt your dreams and eat your children.
I think it means conformity to facts. Which is why this was fun because it's true.
Only the truth is funny.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
Conformity to facts is veracity.
Voracity is from voracious which means very eager or insatiable.
As in: He had a voracious appetite.
Sorry for the definition lesson…
Would you like some Freys with that?
by ChrisP Wildcat on Sep 7, 2011 10:01 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Mine was veracity. Nothing else.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
by jebushchrist on Sep 7, 2011 10:21 PM CDT up reply actions
Of course a Wildcat.
This guy. Pfthththtfhfhththfhthhfbbbbb.
(I keed X2)
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 10:46 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Case A: Steele Jantz
Templeton Rye'd the Lightning.
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Sep 7, 2011 11:00 PM CDT up reply actions
Is your voracity verified or unverified?
/mgoblog’d
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Looking at the pic he put in the article at the top
The two guys that are just texting amidst all the sad fans… its like they’re actually trying to make lemonade out of lemons or something.
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
I don't condone this.
But I don’t condemn it, either.
"Let me finish or I will hammerpunch your clavicle." -Steve Youngblood
Is it just me...
Or does it feel like the last few days we’ve been vomiting 12 months of frustration on Little Brother?
Not saying it’s wrong. Just asking.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"George Teague doesn't give a shit what down it is. He gets the ball, or he dies." ~ Spencer Hall
by Blackheartnopants on Sep 7, 2011 5:57 PM CDT reply actions
Actually, I was starting to wonder when Hate Week would really kick off around here
and then half an hour later Jebus answered the call.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 7:06 PM CDT up reply actions
Did you miss these?
keosahawkeye:
99playsNAblitzaint1:
rockyh:
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Sep 7, 2011 7:28 PM CDT up reply actions 4 recs
Wow, I missed the first one. The jorts just seemed true. And Trollky the Trolleye just seemed general.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 7:53 PM CDT up reply actions
The attempt at a response over at CC was funny.
ISU engineers really, really want to forget that Iowa has an engineering program. My spouse and a lot of my friends graduated from there with engineering degrees. They are well-educated, intelligent, and great people.
I make more money than all of them.
#suckit
I have no doubt that your friends are excellent people and exactly as you describe
It’s just the by-product of being Iowa’s equivalent of a professional football team. It’s a great University that has educated many fine doctors and lawyers and biomedical engineers (was very close to going this route) and everything else. It just also has a lot of fans from the trogdolyte element of society.
I also attend Iowa State.
But in no way does that mean I have to support the athletic department. Fuck Iowa State Athletics.
by KirksGumInHaydensStas on Sep 7, 2011 7:57 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I also attended Iowa State (due strictly to convenience/location).
When I first stepped foot on campus, my hate was confined to a single week each season per sport. After having attended, lived and worked there, I hate ISWhoo with every fiber of my being 52 weeks a year. What started as wanting them to do well except when playing Iowa became wanting them to lose every game they played in the most traumatizing fashion imaginable. Seeing them get beat by schools like NDSU brings me great joy. Watching as Golden Child Sanderson bolts to PSU was awesome. Watching Chizek leave state and then buy a national championship was priceless. I hope state gets demoted to the MAC so they can finally be called what they truly are: our MACrifices.
"No I'm not going to 'limber up'. You ever see a lion stretching before it takes down a gazelle?"
by Swarley on Sep 8, 2011 8:12 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I almost pulled off the trifecta
I attended UNI my freshman year and transferred to Iowa. Got my BA from Iowa. Decided to go to grad school in urban planning, and I applied to Iowa, ISU and OU (good thing I passed on OU, they dropped their program several years ago but the degree is still accredited for the time the program was alive)… got into all 3, but because my GRE math scores sucked, Iowa admitted me on probation… ISU did not, but the reason I decided to go to Iowa was a hot GF (whom we ended up breaking up shortly after I started grad school)… in retrospect, if I’d attended ISU I’d probably be working in the Midwest because they have a much better track record placing their grads locally than Iowa does… so I’d be able to attend game at Kinnick more often.
But if I’d graduated from ISU, I could then claim alumnus status @ UNI and graduate status from Iowa and ISU…
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
by The Bird Cult on Sep 8, 2011 1:00 PM CDT up reply actions
Did you guys take...
Cattle insemination 401 while at ISU? I ask with appropriate humility because I did play a round of golf with Johnny Orr a few years back and he was pretty damned cool.
I didn't, I stayed in the business building and didn't venture very far away.
"No I'm not going to 'limber up'. You ever see a lion stretching before it takes down a gazelle?"
My sister has a class in the Swine building.
And she isn’t in an agricultural major.
SMH
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 8, 2011 5:53 PM CDT up reply actions
It just also has a lot of fans from the trogdolyte element of society.
Yes, because all ISU fans are like the rich guy in the Grey Poupon commercials.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 7, 2011 9:57 PM CDT up reply actions
Like Chazz,
I find it quite interesting that ISU fans find it necessary to attack the Iowa fans, as though they are somehow in a higher tier of society.
"There are few things graven in stone, except that you have to squat or you're a pussy." -Mark Rippetoe
You are not factually wrong,
but acting like most large state schools don’t have that element is kind of dumb. Hell, I’m sure there are UNI fans who are country bumpkins without many manners.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 8, 2011 5:55 PM CDT up reply actions
I prefer "cro-magnon," good sir.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"George Teague doesn't give a shit what down it is. He gets the ball, or he dies." ~ Spencer Hall
by Blackheartnopants on Sep 7, 2011 10:33 PM CDT up reply actions
You mean only remembered by those of us over 30 years old?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Sep 8, 2011 3:11 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
*troglodyte
from Greek via Latin, troglodytae meaning “one who goes in holes”
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull." - W.C. Fields
He who judges holes casts the last bone.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
by jebushchrist on Sep 8, 2011 12:02 AM CDT up reply actions
I don't "look up" words. I mold them.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
by jebushchrist on Sep 8, 2011 12:17 AM CDT up reply actions
Yes
and 4 of those trogdolytes were sitting behind me at the game Saturday enraged that Derby isn’t our starting QB. Dumb asses.
He died for our sins.
Iowa engineers all up in this bitch, represent
SEAMANS CENTER FOR THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ WIN
/skeetskeetskeet
I will haunt your dreams and eat your children.
Jebus, now that you've written your weekend preview when will the hate piece be posted?
…I actually may print this post and tape it to my bathroom mirror. It’s the first thing I should see after waking and the last I should see before going to sleep.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Sep 7, 2011 8:05 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
I'm getting his prose tattooed to my body
His words will be a magic spell to protect me from injustice and werewolves.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"George Teague doesn't give a shit what down it is. He gets the ball, or he dies." ~ Spencer Hall
by Blackheartnopants on Sep 7, 2011 9:02 PM CDT up reply actions
Finally, a tattoo I can support.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 7, 2011 9:58 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
I picture it across in Old English Script across my back much to the same effect as Pam's tattoo in Archer.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Sep 8, 2011 3:12 AM CDT up reply actions
I was thinking the exact same thing
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
by HoyaGoon on Sep 8, 2011 10:06 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
This shit is magnificent.
Also, just to get it out of the way, I hate all of you, but let’s not let that get between us in this fine fine deprecationpityloathfest.
Winter is coming.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
It is known.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Sep 7, 2011 10:06 PM CDT up reply actions
It is known.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 10:48 PM CDT up reply actions
This post is much like a Meatball Hot Pocket...
Tasty!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt
Isn't "meatball hot pocket" gay slang for
oh, nevermind…and if it isn’t, it should will be.
"I wish you luck with a capital 'F'" - The Real Elvis.
I always say that a good meal is not complete without a salad.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt
by HawKCP on Sep 7, 2011 10:40 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Say goodnight Gracie.
Goodnight Gracie.
/firstappropriatethingthatcametomind’d
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 7, 2011 10:50 PM CDT up reply actions
No, you're confusing the "sausage hot pocket"
by DJK's bongwater on Sep 8, 2011 8:33 AM CDT up reply actions
Anyone wanna explain why this comes up when I GIS'ed "sausage hot pocket"?
I was prepared for some weird shit, but this?!?
by DJK's bongwater on Sep 8, 2011 8:42 AM CDT up reply actions 12 recs
no idea
but i rec’d it because THE PEOPLE NEED TO SEE THIS.
He sired a baseball team... An orchestra, if you count the bastards!
by SaturdayMorningKegStanzis on Sep 8, 2011 8:47 AM CDT up reply actions
BHGP: Where animal porn reigns supreme!
First we had the ferret, now this.
"No I'm not going to 'limber up'. You ever see a lion stretching before it takes down a gazelle?"
Oh Jeepus. Am I high?
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"George Teague doesn't give a shit what down it is. He gets the ball, or he dies." ~ Spencer Hall
by Blackheartnopants on Sep 8, 2011 9:00 AM CDT up reply actions
Look that "cat" in the eyes.
It’s either really high, or a demon.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 8, 2011 9:39 AM CDT up reply actions
It looks like one of the 'dogs' from Ghostbusters.
"No I'm not going to 'limber up'. You ever see a lion stretching before it takes down a gazelle?"
Photo evidence?
"No I'm not going to 'limber up'. You ever see a lion stretching before it takes down a gazelle?"
I saw the title, and wasn't sure about it.
I thought to myself, how can Jebus possibly top the first one? Won’t he diminish the first one by association with a lesser product? Somewhat hesitantly, I clicked on it. I realized, that rather than Superman 2, this was the 2nd episode of The Pacific or Band of Brothers. The hate was, quite frankly, stunning. A step towards inclusion in a package that, taken together, is epic in the true sense of the word. Bravo, Jebus.
by Norm Parker's Amputated Toes on Sep 7, 2011 11:15 PM CDT reply actions
When I read "Are You There, Cycl...
I immediately thought to myself “Aww shit! this is gonna be like 2nd Thessalonians!”
“The salutation of Paul with mine own middle finger, which is the token in every epistle: so I write, Fuck Iowa State.” 3:17
by GreatBarrierReiff on Sep 8, 2011 12:21 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Aw jeez I love Superman II.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Sep 8, 2011 6:24 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
BRAVO SIR!
Truly outstanding.
I do, however, tremble in fear for witty, erudite riposte that is surely coming from Wide Right and Natty Lite. I’m sure the genius wordsmiths at that fine weblog will pen a truly eviscerating and scathing reply to Jebus’ fine work. Either that, or they will post a painfully unfunny mockery of Iowa merchandising. Maybe they just need time to get warmed up.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
by HoyaGoon on Sep 8, 2011 9:33 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Ugh. Still not staying classy with the seriously injured man
Featuring life lessons such as “Looking Both Ways” by Ed Podalak
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Sep 8, 2011 9:53 AM CDT up reply actions
Yeah,
I hate that I went to that site to give them the page view. They really take it too far. They also had a “Dangers of Trans Fat” by Norm Parker.
"...take it to Hamsterdam."
That's just stupid
If you must do some sort of Norm Parker joke – and I highly recommend against it – at least do something like “Sugar: The Sweet Killer” or the like.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Seriously, it's one thing to make a joke about Ed looking down a woman's shirt,
but when you get into injuries/diseases…too far.
"...take it to Hamsterdam."
They're socially awkward engineers/4-H club enthusiasts
What did you expect?
by GreatBarrierReiff on Sep 9, 2011 1:39 AM CDT up reply actions
Pathetic.
I can’t believe how pathetic and stupid this post is. You really show what the University of Iowa is…a breeding ground for vile and heinous people like yourself. I would love to root for the Hawks too (which was why i was on here in the first place)…i usually do, unless they are playing the Cyclones, but asshole fans like yourself make that impossible, and that pisses me off more than anything else (not that you care…i couldn’t give 2 shits wether you care or not).
by isufan2010 on Sep 8, 2011 1:00 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Waiting... waiting
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
by The Bird Cult on Sep 8, 2011 1:05 PM CDT up reply actions
Crocs are so last year
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
by The Bird Cult on Sep 8, 2011 1:13 PM CDT up reply actions
Did he steal Coach Baby's bibs(overalls?)?
"No I'm not going to 'limber up'. You ever see a lion stretching before it takes down a gazelle?"
Or this
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.fun-shop.com/show_image.php%3Fim%3D/img/01/m0005.jpg%26size%3D300&imgrefurl=http://www.animalmascots.com/01-M0005/Tornado-Mascot-Costume.html&h=300&w=300&sz=30&tbnid=1vGpPZBOIknMyM:&tbnh=88&tbnw=88&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dtornado%2Bcostume%2Bpictures%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=tornado+costume+pictures&docid=j6D4yOD9WSHPtM&sa=X&ei=1y5pTrL2A8egsQKKzoX5DQ&ved=0CDkQ9QEwCg&dur=141
Um,
as a person who posts pics and links too often, may I recommend you try out tinyurl.com?
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 8, 2011 6:00 PM CDT up reply actions
I think this is what you're trying?
"Hi, I'm Bob Executive. Which way to business?"
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Sep 8, 2011 8:14 PM CDT up reply actions
How did they get a mascot'd picture of my liver?
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 8, 2011 11:36 PM CDT up reply actions
Yes!
And who says ISU fans aren’t funny? Well done.
Hey Dolph, you look like I need a beer.
by Give Eddie a Beer on Sep 8, 2011 1:07 PM CDT up reply actions
Stupid is calling someone stupid while simultaneously misspelling words.
/Dictionary’d
"No I'm not going to 'limber up'. You ever see a lion stretching before it takes down a gazelle?"
Most unchill.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
It appears someone has never heard of trash talking and hyperbole
"He lowballed us and said: 'Take it or leave it. If you don't take our offer, you are rolling the dice.' I said: 'Consider them rolled.' " - Jim "Huge Brass Balls" Delaney
by ClaybornSmash on Sep 8, 2011 3:03 PM CDT up reply actions
Wait a second.
You cheer for the Hawks AND the Cyclones?
SPORTS BISEXUAL. SPORTS BISEXUAL.
"Don't talk about me like I'm not here!" Shelby
by dmbmeg on Sep 8, 2011 3:29 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I think that just means he cheers for the Clones in September and then Iowa when games matter through bowl season.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
You should marry yourself.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
BURN THEM ALL
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
A house divided cannot stand
or in the words of Mr. Miyagi, walk right side of the road ok, walk left side of road, ok, you walk middle of the road, sooner or later squish like grape. You IA State fan your a bastard, you an Iowa fan you are fantastic, you both fan of IA State and IA you get squished like grape.
Or something like that. I know he said some shit something like that.
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Sep 8, 2011 6:20 PM CDT up reply actions
I prefer sports bigamist.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Jokes I didn't get as a kid part 1: Tiny Toon editions
Buster: I can’t marry all three of your daughters; that’s bigamy!
Big Daddy Boo: No, that’s big o’ ME!
I think its bigamist
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"George Teague doesn't give a shit what down it is. He gets the ball, or he dies." ~ Spencer Hall
by Blackheartnopants on Sep 8, 2011 8:06 PM CDT up reply actions
Hey, uh, that's quite a new mascot you got there, ISU.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
This may have to go into the keeper folder... imagine one of the talking heads posts with this and Pollard pics in it.
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
by The Bird Cult on Sep 8, 2011 5:51 PM CDT up reply actions
Yes, I completely agree with you sir.
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
by The Bird Cult on Sep 9, 2011 10:56 AM CDT up reply actions
Rec'd just for the hate
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"George Teague doesn't give a shit what down it is. He gets the ball, or he dies." ~ Spencer Hall
by Blackheartnopants on Sep 8, 2011 8:05 PM CDT up reply actions
It was a mistake...
to read this in the middle of lecture, couldn’t stop laughing. People are still staring at me.
"I know that I know nothing." - Socrates
The fact that there is apparently only 1 negative ISU fan post so far...
I don’t know if that’s good news, bad news, or shows us just how truly minscule the ISU fan base is.
"u r awesome" ~ my daughter
They're having a large debate about how terrible this is
over at CycloneFanatic
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 8, 2011 6:03 PM CDT up reply actions
I'm not sure they are,
I just said/typed that to be in line with your “ISU’s fanbase is miniscule” comment.
To be really honest, I don’t want to go over to CycloneFanatic to find out. They’re probably bragging about how they beat a national (cough, fcs, cough cough) power last week.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 8, 2011 11:39 PM CDT up reply actions
Nice to see that even the Fanatics appreciated my post.
I was a little surprised that your effort (albeit weak) to defend your fanbase was met with derision. That board kind of typified Hate Week. A house divided and such.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
It's hard to fake that kind of hate
and I don’t really hate Iowa. I hate the Packers. I hate Kansas State. I REALLY fucking hate Nebraska.
But I respect the hell out of Iowa. I watch every game of theirs and but one week a year, I’m a die hard Hawkeye fan. Hell, some years I even root for Iowa. 2010, for example, because I thought the pieces were in place for the BCS run that everyone else did before that season.
But this year, Iowa’s expectations plateau will be a division title. Which means it’s a year where a loss to Iowa State won’t hurt their aspirations. It may, however, give a program on the verge of being thrown out of a major conference a little more legitamacy.
This year, I’m going hardcore Cyclone. God help me.
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Beware of Geeks bearing jorts.
[I'm just gonna go ahead and bump this up and call it Hamsterdam for the night. Have at, kiddos. --AJ]](http://cdn1.sbnation.com/fan_shot_images/214244/herkytrollface_small.jpg)
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