FanPost

Another media day in the books...

(Bumped.  If only Media Day was more like this. -- RB)

Haddy_medium Thank you everyone for coming to this Media Day press conference with Kirk Ferentz. Coach Ferentz will take your questions and then you will be able to meet the rest of the team on the practice field. So without further adieu, Iowa head football coach Kirk Ferentz.

Smattering of applause

  Haddy_medium (Quickly during the noise of the applause and the camera flashes) Also, the athletic department announces the departure of 39 student athletes for unforseen reasons.

Iconferentz_medium Alright, thank you for coming here. We are excited about the upcoming season. We had a real nice practice today and I believe we are coming along. Last year was obviously very disapointing, but we are ready to put this behind us and focus on the task at hand. So I will open the floor to questions.

Hands shoot up 

Pakiicon_medium Yes, I had a question about the running backs. How much are you going to miss last year's crop of ball carriers.

Iconferentz_medium Well it was unfortunate what happened with Jewel and his injury. The Wegher and Adam Robinson situations are private matters and I wish them the best in the future.

Iconmarcmo_medium Tell me a little bit about the maturation of Vanden---

Pakiicon_medium I think there was a running back you left out of that mix.

Iconferentz_medium Oh yeah, Brett Morse was a big part of our success last year and we're going to need guys to step up to replace his contributions.

Pakiicon_medium That's not who I meant. What about Paki O'Meara?

Iconferentz_medium Paki was a good special teams player for us.

Pakiicon_medium And...

Iconferentz_medium We think we'll be able to get that same contribution from some of our young guys next year.

Pakiicon_medium That's it! This injustice will not stand.

Rips off mustache

  Pakiicon_medium You have not heard the last of Paki O'Meara

Storms off

Iconferentz_medium What did he say his name was? Any other questions?

Hartyparty_medium Do you remember when I buried Ricky Stanzi at Mount Rushmore?

Iconferentz_medium Pat, you've buried a lot of my players, but this one I can't remember.

Everyone laughs

Hartyparty_medium (Under breath) Yeah, we'll see who's laughing later.

Iconmarcmo_medium Tell me about the receiving corps. You lose Sandeman and you lose DJK..

Iconferentz_medium Who?

Iconmarcmo_medium I'm sorry Derrell Johnson-Koulianos

Iconferentz_medium Name doesn't ring a bell

Iconmarcmo_medium He's the all-time leading receiver in a number of categories, there is no way you don't know who DJK is

Iconbarta_medium This press conference is over, everybody out

People start filing out

 Iconbarta_medium Iconbarta90_medium

People start running

 Iconbarta_medium That's better.

Iconferentz_medium How are we going to explain a 4 minute press conference?!

Iconbarta_medium Don't worry our PR people will release a news release early Sunday morning. Now lets turn that frown upside down.

Meanwhile in the press box elevator

  Pakiicon_medium Nobody respects me, I gained 57 yards last year

Hartyparty_medium At least people don't laugh at you

Iowacitypressherald_medium What if I told you, I can help you get the respect both of you truly deserve

Puts down newspaper

 Johnsoneric_medium We can make Iowa pay for being uncaring

Hartyparty_medium Aren't you a coach with the program?

Johnsoneric_mediumN-n-no

Pakiicon_medium Yes, you are. You made a home visit.

Johnsoneric_medium It doesn't matter. Do you want respect? Then listen to me.

Doors open moments later

  Pakiicon_medium I'm in

Hartyparty_medium Me too

Pakiicon_medium They'll never know what hit them

Paki and Pat exit

 Johnsoneric_medium Everything is falling into place

Takes off mask

Iconpollard_jpg_medium I'm about to be very consolable HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Phone rings

 Iconpollard_jpg_mediumGod damnit

Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.

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