(Bumped. If only Media Day was more like this. -- RB)
Thank you everyone for coming to this Media Day press conference with Kirk Ferentz. Coach Ferentz will take your questions and then you will be able to meet the rest of the team on the practice field. So without further adieu, Iowa head football coach Kirk Ferentz.
Smattering of applause
(Quickly during the noise of the applause and the camera flashes) Also, the athletic department announces the departure of 39 student athletes for unforseen reasons.
Alright, thank you for coming here. We are excited about the upcoming season. We had a real nice practice today and I believe we are coming along. Last year was obviously very disapointing, but we are ready to put this behind us and focus on the task at hand. So I will open the floor to questions.
Hands shoot up
Yes, I had a question about the running backs. How much are you going to miss last year's crop of ball carriers.
Well it was unfortunate what happened with Jewel and his injury. The Wegher and Adam Robinson situations are private matters and I wish them the best in the future.
Tell me a little bit about the maturation of Vanden---
I think there was a running back you left out of that mix.
Oh yeah, Brett Morse was a big part of our success last year and we're going to need guys to step up to replace his contributions.
That's not who I meant. What about Paki O'Meara?
Paki was a good special teams player for us.
We think we'll be able to get that same contribution from some of our young guys next year.
That's it! This injustice will not stand.
Rips off mustache
You have not heard the last of Paki O'Meara
What did he say his name was? Any other questions?
Do you remember when I buried Ricky Stanzi at Mount Rushmore?
Pat, you've buried a lot of my players, but this one I can't remember.
(Under breath) Yeah, we'll see who's laughing later.
Tell me about the receiving corps. You lose Sandeman and you lose DJK..
I'm sorry Derrell Johnson-Koulianos
Name doesn't ring a bell
He's the all-time leading receiver in a number of categories, there is no way you don't know who DJK is
This press conference is over, everybody out
People start filing out
People start running
How are we going to explain a 4 minute press conference?!
Don't worry our PR people will release a news release early Sunday morning. Now lets turn that frown upside down.
Meanwhile in the press box elevator
Nobody respects me, I gained 57 yards last year
At least people don't laugh at you
What if I told you, I can help you get the respect both of you truly deserve
Puts down newspaper
We can make Iowa pay for being uncaring
Aren't you a coach with the program?
Yes, you are. You made a home visit.
It doesn't matter. Do you want respect? Then listen to me.
Doors open moments later
They'll never know what hit them
Paki and Pat exit
Everything is falling into place
Takes off mask
I'm about to be very consolable HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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