Iowa vs Tennessee Tech Preview: A Photo Essay
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Aug 31, 2011 12:00 PM CDT
in Batshit Insanity
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And with that, the internet is over.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Aug 31, 2011 12:05 PM CDT reply actions 4 recs
The only thing missing was a random music number....
…and his telescope.
I swear the "robbed a place" was actually not ment as a smart ass remark. I just forgot that he actually robbed a place for a second. ~ justsomehawkeyefan
Hmmmm...I had this in the hopper. Not sure why it didn't make the cut.
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Aug 31, 2011 2:22 PM CDT up reply actions
Editorial decision. Save it for the box set.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"I would have fell to those aphrodisiacs that he was throwing around." ~ Michael Irvin
by Blackheartnopants on Aug 31, 2011 2:33 PM CDT up reply actions
Danke schön
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Aug 31, 2011 2:34 PM CDT up reply actions
Surrounded by US flags and blond(ish) German-Dutch dancing girls.
Rambler: /fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap oh, musket fapfapfapfapfapfap cavlary charge fapfapfapfap Pennsylvania deer hunting fapfapfapfapfap CAEL! faaaaaaaa
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Aug 31, 2011 2:41 PM CDT up reply actions 9 recs
I was really hoping to see the singing telegram nurse
and how could you not use Charlie Sheen’s character in this version?
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Aug 31, 2011 12:10 PM CDT reply actions
I was thinking the same thing. Where's Charlie Sheen?
Are you in here for drugs?
Why are you here?
Drugs.
I don’t know why I’m here.
Then why don’t you leave?
Why don’t you put your thumb up your butt.
Otherwise, brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.
by The Naked Bootleg on Aug 31, 2011 12:14 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, I knew I would hear about that
I initially planned on having DJK as Jeannie, then I started getting confused who was who, then I forgot.
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Aug 31, 2011 12:20 PM CDT up reply actions
You wear too much eye makeup
My sister wears too much eye makeup. People think she’s a whore.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"I would have fell to those aphrodisiacs that he was throwing around." ~ Michael Irvin
by Blackheartnopants on Aug 31, 2011 12:22 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
So nice
I didn’t know until now, but this is the perfect kind of pregame analysis for this week.
I can’t believe you did the WHOLE movie. Seriously, you did the whole damn thing (except for Cameron James zooming in on the girl in the art). I hope spent no more than 3 hours on this.
Are you kidding?
He’s worked the Harry Potter series into every one of Iowa’s Big 10 games.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"I would have fell to those aphrodisiacs that he was throwing around." ~ Michael Irvin
by Blackheartnopants on Aug 31, 2011 12:28 PM CDT up reply actions
This is probably the best thing we've ever done.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
I would have to agree.
No words are needed, just as HFMR didn’t need words to describe this masterpiece.
"West Texas seems to be full of fake boobs providing a comfortable shade for well-developed pot bellies" - Lycurgus (06/24/2011)
by BStylin Hawkye on Aug 31, 2011 1:04 PM CDT up reply actions
Coker reclining by the pool might be my favorite
by Captain n Diet Coker on Aug 31, 2011 12:34 PM CDT reply actions
KOK as the Mom
is my favorite.
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Aug 31, 2011 12:38 PM CDT up reply actions
Jordan Bernstein
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Aug 31, 2011 12:44 PM CDT up reply actions 4 recs
Heh heh
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Aug 31, 2011 1:51 PM CDT up reply actions
A reference to a minor Twitter rant from earlier today.
No big whoop.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Aug 31, 2011 2:34 PM CDT up reply actions
IT'S BERNSTINE DUH
/every ATP commenter
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Patrick Vint on Aug 31, 2011 1:52 PM CDT up reply actions
You're a national treasure.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Aug 31, 2011 7:17 PM CDT up reply actions
Um, he's sick...
My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who saw Marcus pass out after painting the water tower last night. I guess it’s pretty serious.
by djwoody on Aug 31, 2011 12:42 PM CDT reply actions 6 recs
SAVE MARCUS
Cheering for inconsistent, undisciplined teams [Twins, Wild, Packers, Hawkeyes] since 1989. "False Hope is better than No Hope"
by Yabbs on Aug 31, 2011 2:09 PM CDT up reply actions 26 recs
Getting a rec
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"I would have fell to those aphrodisiacs that he was throwing around." ~ Michael Irvin
by Blackheartnopants on Aug 31, 2011 2:13 PM CDT up reply actions
Brilliant.
I wish I could magically transport myself into that picture, pull up in my white Fiero, scowl in disgust the the water tower and angrily peel out.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Aug 31, 2011 2:22 PM CDT up reply actions
Oh yes
that’s a rec
"'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." - Lewis Caroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass
by chitownhawkeye on Aug 31, 2011 4:53 PM CDT up reply actions
That might be what it takes to finally get that fucking thing painted.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Aug 31, 2011 7:17 PM CDT up reply actions 4 recs
What'd you use to make it?
Is this PhotoShop with screencaps from the film? GarageBand? Something I’ve never heard of?
Regardless, great work.
VCR. Garden shears. Meat grinder.
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Aug 31, 2011 1:18 PM CDT up reply actions
You and your "technology."
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Aug 31, 2011 1:49 PM CDT up reply actions
"Only took ONE lesson" //HFMR's photoshop acumen
And that’s why we love it. Thank you.
You got no fear of the underdog; That's why you will not survive!
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Aug 31, 2011 1:11 PM CDT reply actions
HFMR
it’s just unfair. You’re too good at this.
God help us all if you get .gif technology. I’ll never be able to focus at work again.
"'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." - Lewis Caroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass
It's Jean, but most guys call me Shauna
That was fucking brilliant.
Yee-Haw! I ride again!
by Cornshoe Hammaker on Aug 31, 2011 1:20 PM CDT reply actions
True story.
I am now the father of a 13-year-old daughter. It’s 24/7 complaints and gripes.
Whenever she stomps into the room, Mrs. NoPants and I have started saying, “Who’s bothering you now, Jeannie?”
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"I would have fell to those aphrodisiacs that he was throwing around." ~ Michael Irvin
by Blackheartnopants on Aug 31, 2011 1:25 PM CDT up reply actions
You could shoot her...
But only if you lost the deal with the Vermont people.
by Kinnick Stadium is my Graceland on Aug 31, 2011 1:38 PM CDT up reply actions
At home today with a kid recovering from the barfs
You made my day.
The University of Iowa: the best 6 years of my life. My parents are very proud.
I laughed so hard I spit on my screen
Upon seeing the picture of Barta walking James out
by Kinnick Stadium is my Graceland on Aug 31, 2011 1:39 PM CDT reply actions
Yes, that's when I started laughing uncontrolably
and couldn’t stop for literally five minutes (and yes, if you timed me, it was literally five).
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Aug 31, 2011 1:52 PM CDT up reply actions
Nah - even if it was figuratively
Literally now is a synonym for figuratively, according to the Oxford English Dictionary. Yet another sign the apocolypse is upon us
Please note that the internet does not, as of yet, have a sarcasm font.
Just glad it skipped the end of the walking out scene
James kissing Coker might have been weird?
If Barta is Rooney, who’s the secretary?
Bethany: Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history.
by kurthy on Aug 31, 2011 6:25 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Haddy
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Aug 31, 2011 7:19 PM CDT up reply actions
I LOHL’d of the thought of Haddy/Grace trying to do the Barta/Rooney impression.
"Let me finish or I will hammerpunch your clavicle." -Steve Youngblood
by SomeJerkPoster on Aug 31, 2011 7:47 PM CDT up reply actions
So did RossWB
Oh, and so did I.
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Aug 31, 2011 1:54 PM CDT up reply actions
This is true, except for the part where I looked it up.
I just asked you guys because I’m too lazy to look up stuff like who the fuck Watson Brown is.
I bet he and Mack have another brother named Holmes.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
You link to that and fail to mention GRANDPA JELLY?!
I am very disappointed.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
It's like the little goodie that you find in the cereal box.
You’ve got to open up the link to find that goodie. Way to spoil the fun for everyone else.
by EnergizerHawk on Aug 31, 2011 2:11 PM CDT up reply actions
The interesting thing is
“The Fastest 60 Minutes in Football.”
I’m pretty sure that ISU is trying to do the exact same thing with their ludicrous-speed or whatever they’re calling it.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Aug 31, 2011 2:55 PM CDT up reply actions
Also, this line.
Watson Brown is Tech’s 10th head football coach since 1922, joining the ranks of Loyall Duck, Putty Overall, Hooper Eblen, Star Wood, Wilburn Tucker, Don Wade, Gary Darnell, Jim Ragland and Mike Hennigan.
You could argue that only 4, maybe 5, of those names are even REAL. Jelly Brown should have been the Tech coach, although Watson Brown still sounds suspiciously made up too.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Aug 31, 2011 2:59 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
I know what you mean.
Gary Darnell and Mike Hennigan are just preposterous names. They can’t expect us to believe they’re real.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
You know what's not made up?
Bear-Dog Hamilton. This is an actual name of someone who works for my company…and I don’t work for a repo service.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Aug 31, 2011 7:20 PM CDT up reply actions
Sorry.
Funwrecker is my secondary title, after Trollface-in-Chief.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
I thought your title was Monkey Trollface-in-Chief?
by EnergizerHawk on Aug 31, 2011 3:23 PM CDT up reply actions
True.
Hard to fit it all on a business card, though.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
And then keep a monacle on a janitor's retractable key lanyards
it’ll show that you’re classy AND efficient
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Aug 31, 2011 9:44 PM CDT up reply actions
First Barta pic made me lose it.
Well done sir. You win the internet. Again.
"...take it to Hamsterdam."
Sadly, the meat grinder does not have the capability to change colors in the picture.
That’s a $348 upgrade.
by EnergizerHawk on Aug 31, 2011 2:31 PM CDT up reply actions
Did anyone not love this? Anyone...anyone?
Your photoshop skills and batshit insane storytelling continues to amaze. Bravo.
by stanzipants on Aug 31, 2011 2:34 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
OK OK, a few things
#1: My Fave was Coker jumping over the fense with his leopard print vest on.
#2: Did anyone else have that song going their head while scrolling through the pictures? [the song in the movie when he is running home]
#3: FREAKING EPIC!!!!!!!
#4: I think I might be getting fired for accidentally “getting excited” on my computer at work just now.
Skol!
Yello "Oh Yeah"
Seriously, if you don’t remember their video, watch it. The batshit insanity is creepier than it is around here, but otherwise it’s hard to look away from.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Aug 31, 2011 3:03 PM CDT up reply actions
Ooops.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Aug 31, 2011 9:45 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, That's it(i think)
But I’m thinking of the section when he is literally flying in the air off the trampoline. I can hear the trumpets. It’s glorious!
Skol!
The trumpets.
Oh, riiiight. Yeah, I was thinking of a completely different song, but I can clearly hear the one you are referring to in my head now. I was indirectly referring to “Oh yeah” through this, but now I can’t remember if that song is in the movie at all. Credits maybe?
Link fail
I meant this. Okay, I’m done now. You guys been a great audience! See ya next week!
/trips
/falls off stage
Oh yeah is the final credit sequence
Rooney on the bus…
by EastLosRandy on Aug 31, 2011 9:44 PM CDT up reply actions
This is epic in its epicness.
Epic, bro.
"Let me finish or I will hammerpunch your clavicle." -Steve Youngblood
I wish I knew the movie better so I could love this more.
Instead I’ll just try to pretend like I remember every scene so I can fit in.
Look out!
Your youthfulness is showing.
Stop making me feel old.
The University of Iowa: the best 6 years of my life. My parents are very proud.
by HawkeyeGirleye on Aug 31, 2011 7:06 PM CDT up reply actions
Oh, I've seen it.
I just haven’t seen it more than once or twice.
by The Mexican't on Aug 31, 2011 8:09 PM CDT up reply actions
Also, I just realized I'm only 2 years older than that movie
I was more familiar with Ben Stein’s game show than his role in Bueller.
by The Mexican't on Aug 31, 2011 8:15 PM CDT up reply actions
I’m 3 years younger than the movie, and I’ve seen it at least 3 times.
Cheering for inconsistent, undisciplined teams [Twins, Wild, Packers, Hawkeyes] since 1989. "False Hope is better than No Hope"
Jesus christ.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Aug 31, 2011 8:43 PM CDT up reply actions
WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT MAKING ME FEEL OLD?!
Damn kids.
/get off my lawn’d
The University of Iowa: the best 6 years of my life. My parents are very proud.
by HawkeyeGirleye on Aug 31, 2011 8:57 PM CDT up reply actions
I was more into High Fidelity and the big gangster movies.
I never got into any of the movies like Breakfast Club, Bueller, etc
by The Mexican't on Aug 31, 2011 9:00 PM CDT up reply actions
Blasphemy!
John Hughes movies are the shit. Well, most of them anyway.
by Captain n Diet Coker on Aug 31, 2011 9:10 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
High Fidelity? Boring.
Who wants to watch Better Off Dead with me?
"Let me finish or I will hammerpunch your clavicle." -Steve Youngblood
by SomeJerkPoster on Aug 31, 2011 9:25 PM CDT up reply actions
Franch fries
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"I would have fell to those aphrodisiacs that he was throwing around." ~ Michael Irvin
by Blackheartnopants on Aug 31, 2011 10:07 PM CDT up reply actions
...
"Let me finish or I will hammerpunch your clavicle." -Steve Youngblood
by SomeJerkPoster on Aug 31, 2011 11:24 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
I have a pic of me as a tot in the mid 70s
Did you know they made denim leisure suits for kids? They did, I can promise you.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"I would have fell to those aphrodisiacs that he was throwing around." ~ Michael Irvin
by Blackheartnopants on Aug 31, 2011 9:09 PM CDT up reply actions
/burns worthless SEARS stock for heat
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Aug 31, 2011 9:49 PM CDT up reply actions
In fairness, the outfit was dishwasher safe
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"I would have fell to those aphrodisiacs that he was throwing around." ~ Michael Irvin
by Blackheartnopants on Aug 31, 2011 10:22 PM CDT up reply actions
9 games?
I don’t remember Marcus missing nine games.
by Jdub1126 on Aug 31, 2011 6:02 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
NINE times. NINE times
(Yes, I know you’re making a play on the phrase, but my husband and I have this thing that whenever ‘9’ comes up in conversation or whatever, we say “NINE times.” Mostly it’s during games of cribbage.)
by Captain n Diet Coker on Aug 31, 2011 9:12 PM CDT up reply actions
My wife and I do the same thing.
Ninnnnne timesss…
You got no fear of the underdog; That's why you will not survive!
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Aug 31, 2011 10:22 PM CDT up reply actions
I wish I could learn how to play cribbage
but I don’t worship the devil.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 1, 2011 2:16 AM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, if you're going to be absent the tenth time,
you have to either barf up a lung or make up some crazy story about an evil god who’s out to get you and all the other running backs on your football team.
by EastLosRandy on Aug 31, 2011 9:50 PM CDT up reply actions
Would have liked to have seen Jamie Pollard....
…as the snooty maitre d, but still. Beautifully done.
Smells like bullshit in here.
by Pantslessobserver on Aug 31, 2011 10:55 PM CDT reply actions
Then it wouldn't be a Tennessee Tech preview.
Gotta do our thinking here, people.
Ceci n'est pas un blogue.
I think this would make McCann't the sausage king of Chicago
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
"I would have fell to those aphrodisiacs that he was throwing around." ~ Michael Irvin
by Blackheartnopants on Sep 1, 2011 2:56 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Anthony Hubbard would be perfect as
Girl Playing Arcade Game Who Spits Soda Through A Straw Into Rooney’s Face When He Mistakes Her For Ferris.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
Adam Robinson
would be a better fit for that scene, since he was the running back last year.
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Sep 1, 2011 9:14 AM CDT up reply actions
Or Coked-Up Werewolf.
"Let me finish or I will hammerpunch your clavicle." -Steve Youngblood
by SomeJerkPoster on Sep 1, 2011 10:31 AM CDT up reply actions
This should be hanging in the Internet Museum of Art
Forever.
"I'm crazy? Cyril, you're the one who killed a perfectly good hooker!"--Sterling Archer
This is my most favoritest thing to ever happen to this fine website.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
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