Woody Orne Is A Large Human Being
by RossWB on Aug 12, 2011 3:30 PM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
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PrintIn these dog days of summer, as football fans we find ourselves poised in an awkward spot. On one hand, there is a genuine light at the end of the tunnel for our football-famished souls: real, honest-to-god games will be upon us in a scant few weeks. On the other hand, those "scant few weeks" seem even more interminable and torturous with the finish line actually in sight. As Tom Petty once said, "There's a gator on my lawn." Wait, that's not right (although he did say that). No, he said, "You see you don't have to live like a refugee." Shit, that's not it, either. Anyway...
So with football almost upon us but not actually here yet, what's a football junkie to do to get a fix? Why, to turn to the information that leaks out of practice, of course, be it legititmate news stories, message board whispers, the occasional video, or practice photos. Ah, practice photos. Because there's nothing at all weird or creepy about obsessing over still photos of 18-22 year olds in shorts. The Iowa SID releases 1-2 sets of practice photos every day and while there lots of observations one can make from them, one thing in particular leaped out at me earlier this week: Woody Orne is pretty goddamn big. See?
Sure, Orne (#72) looks pretty big there, but I was convinced that picture didn't tell the full story, so I did a little more investigatin'. I think I was right, as evidenced by these shots of Orne in the wild:
There you have it. Conclusive evidence that Woody Orne is a gigantic specimen of humanity. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to email Kirk Ferentz and find out why this leviathan isn't starting yet.
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What, no Godzilla?
The Power Rangers(?) was a nice touch, but that just raised my expectations to see Woody taking on Godzilla, Mothra, and the gang from Monster Island.
Simple.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to email Kirk Ferentz and find out why this leviathan isn’t starting yet.
He’s too large to stay onsides.
My hatred for Purdue is so great that no mortal human can detect its existence.
The wayayaytin in the hardest...
…also, dude, gigantic specimen isn’t the proper nomenclature, it’s Gar-mong-tic Mutherfucker, please.
Or Hugh Mongus McGiantbig, if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Aug 12, 2011 3:42 PM CDT reply actions
Orne seems to be spending a lot of time in Asia.
Is he touring with Girls Generation?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
Wait, I thought Casey
was the big mountain man.
by ChryslerKinnick on Aug 12, 2011 4:01 PM CDT reply actions
I know! Why aren't these two behemoths bookending our line?!
Ferentz was a lot of ’splaining to do, if you ask me…
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Because they aren't as big as the starters.
Bethany: Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history.
by kurthy on Aug 12, 2011 10:17 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
He has his own gravitational pull
I will haunt your dreams and eat your children.
by Dr. Hawk on Aug 12, 2011 4:04 PM CDT reply actions 6 recs
Bob Zook floating away into the abyss absolutely makes that image.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Just great
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Aug 12, 2011 4:24 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Once he masters levitation...
he will be unstoppable.
see now you raise some physics and philosophy questions
if by levitating (and subsequent loss of ground friction) is he still unstoppable?
or does levitating grant you increased friction with the air?
is levitating over the opposing line legal?
if it is, does it then become legal to grab him by the ankles to stop him?
would he forsake violence (and thus football effectiveness) to learn levitation from the indian yogis?
would he have to forgo concentration on everything else to achieve levitation?
am i making too big of a deal about levitation=>unstoppability?
answer to that last one is an unequivocal yes.
Yeah levitation might not be all that beneficial
on the football field. But in life, being 6 foot 7 and 360 (or whatever the hell he is /too lazy to look it up) and being able to levitate – now that would be something. And fuck david blaine and that other super-douche. Woody Orne would have turds that levitate better than those aholes.
I absulutely love how this falls under the Iowa hawkeye football tag instead of batshit insanity.
I ain't been droppin no eaves, sir
by Cornfedhawkbred on Aug 12, 2011 4:22 PM CDT reply actions
I thought the same exact thing.
I had to scroll back up to see where it was filed.
by EnergizerHawk on Aug 12, 2011 4:28 PM CDT up reply actions
Tell him.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Aug 12, 2011 6:30 PM CDT up reply actions
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE REAL
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
WTF? The roster on HawkeyeSports has him listed at 6-5, 295.
With Conor Boffeli (#59) listed at 6-5, 285. Something ain’t right.
meh
& considering the object closest to the camera should look the biggest
(although I have crappy depth perception so maybe not)
That’s all kinds of odd.
The University of Iowa: the best 6 years of my life. My parents are very proud.
by HawkeyeGirleye on Aug 12, 2011 8:55 PM CDT up reply actions
One of those things is not like the other
It never gets to be easy.
Why the fuck doesn't it ever get to be easy?
by chitownhawkeye on Aug 12, 2011 10:10 PM CDT up reply actions
i have crappy depth perception too.
I can’t wait until one of the guys says it’s because we are girls.
by Carfino'sWay on Aug 12, 2011 10:45 PM CDT up reply actions
A little shocked none of the boys jumped on that
I’m really fun to drive with. My backing skills are legendary. I’ve taken down a mailbox, cement pylon & nailed a Dunkin Donuts sign (the kind tall enough to be seen from a highway). The back-up cam is my friend. When moving forward, I’ve scraped off more passenger-side mirrors than I care to count. Why are they not reboundable on all cars?
The University of Iowa: the best 6 years of my life. My parents are very proud.
by HawkeyeGirleye on Aug 13, 2011 10:07 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
It's because your a girl
Felt as if someone should say it.
Further proof: My mother ran over my babysitter’s mail box with a back up camera
Counter argument: My wife has some of the best parallel parking ability I have seen
"Sometimes the truth gets in the way of a good story" - KF
by The Bacon Explosion on Aug 13, 2011 10:38 AM CDT up reply actions
Me too. I'm a little disappointed.
I am a horrible backer too. If I am driving on the farm and I need to hook onto a wagon I get out and make my dad do it, especially if I am in the truck. Forget it, it gets ugly. Now the 4450 I’m not bad b/c I can look straight down on it.
A couple weeks ago I hit a moveable stop sign in the Petsmart parking lot and knocked off my Hawkeye front license plate and my car looks sad and naked from the front. I hope my dad puts it on today for me.
I am an AMAZING parallel parker, BTW, it comes from living on the Plaza here.
by Carfino'sWay on Aug 13, 2011 11:23 AM CDT up reply actions
Most of us were too smart to take the bait (TBE excluded).
You ladies made it FAR too easy for us this time. Next time, make it more of a challenge and we’ll be all over it.
"No I'm not going to 'limber up'. You ever see a lion stretching before it takes down a gazelle?"
He's walking while everyone else is jogging.
Plus most of the rest of the backups picture are shorter.
The starters are mostly as tall or taller and as heavy or heavier. Plus, he’s a transfer.
Supposedly, the strongest guy on the team:http://mobile.blackheartgoldpants.com/2011/7/11/2269010/assume-the-position-2011-offensive-line
Bethany: Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history.
by kurthy on Aug 12, 2011 10:15 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Mobile link fail. Just read ATP: O-line.
Bethany: Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history.
by kurthy on Aug 12, 2011 10:16 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Assume the Position for Offensive Linemen, Vint posted it in early July. It even talks about Orne specifically and the disappointment in him not starting yet.
Bethany: Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history.
by kurthy on Aug 13, 2011 10:30 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
I get what the link means, I just have no idea what any of it before has to do with anything.
Is it refuting my point? Is it concurring w/ my point and providing backing evidence? Is it just random information?
What does it matter that he’s walking instead of running?
Why does it matter that the starters are as tall or taller?
Who cares if he’s a transfer?
And why does his strength matter in response to my post?
meh
You would look shorter jogging (knees bent) then walking ( legs straight)
Explaining why Orne might look taller than a kid of the same size. Also, it might be that the camera is elevated slightly, making the second guy appear taller than the first.
The rest is just reasons why he’s not starting at the moment.
Bethany: Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history.
by kurthy on Aug 13, 2011 12:22 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
I hate typing on an iPod, I miss spelling errors I would catch on my PC.
Bethany: Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history.
by kurthy on Aug 13, 2011 12:23 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
How big is he for realz?
I just checked the UI official roster, and they list him and Bofelli (#59) at pretty much the same size. Both are 6’5", 290-295 lbs. So the question, then, is Bofelli roster sized to 6’5 290 or is Orne downgraded? (I hope that makes sense, I might still be drunk from last night.)
You should check out this comment.
It’s really interesting and touches upon a similar subject to your comment.
meh
by tyger1147 on Aug 13, 2011 11:42 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
We need an Orne - MacMillan battle
You Like Twitter? Me too! Awesome Fun Time K Thanks Bye! @storminspank
I go to Fairfield High school where Woody came from.
He still holds a ton of weight room records here. He is rumored to be the strongest man on campus. And the funny thing is he was a TE in high school. And nothing against the guy, but he didn’t have the softest of hands. He was a great blocker tho and was an even better DE.
Actually, as I have said in previous posts about him, he was actually projected to be a basketball star. He was a GIANT on the court and I believe even got an offer from Marquette (when they were in their prime). He chose to follow his friends into SDakotaSU to play football. Hoping we can see some Fairfield pride on the field this year.
Betcha can't handle this 4-3 cover 2, mofos!
And to give you a little vision of why he might have been a TE/basketball star in high school instead of a mammoth lineman, there is this:
to currently:
Betcha can't handle this 4-3 cover 2, mofos!
I swear the "robbed a place" was actually not ment as a smart ass remark. I just forgot that he actually robbed a place for a second. ~ justsomehawkeyefan
by Kluginator on Aug 15, 2011 7:45 AM CDT reply actions 3 recs
Ornery Woody
Approves of Kluginator’s camera-handiness.
It feeds my wild side.
"I will go to Germany and then play in a couple of AAU Tournaments like Peach Jam and Boo Williams." - Junior Lomomba
by Ornery Woody on Aug 17, 2011 12:26 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
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