Kirk Ferentz and the Most Awkward Autograph Request You've Ever Seen
by Adam Jacobi on Aug 1, 2011 7:01 AM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
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PrintBig Ten Media Days! They're an opportunity for coaches to say basically nothing in front of TV cameras on Day 1, then to open up just a little bit to the journalists they know during one-on-one interviews on Day 2. If you're looking for heft, though, it ain't here; the coaches aren't handing out depth charts to guys who ask questions the right way, and the players who get invited are the ones who A) are recognizably good at football, and B) toe the company line reliably well. Like, I don't know if Iowa football has its version of a Ron Artest, but I do know that if the Hawkeyes do have such a man, he sure as shit isn't getting invited to this thing.
That hypothetical crazy Hawkeye player isn't getting invited to the Media Days precisely because the media personnel who attend the proceedings are professionals to the core, always looking for the slightest opening in the players' and coaches' facades and trying to expose the truth at all... at all costs... I--I'm sorry, sports director Ed Littler of News 5 in Hastings, Nebraska, did you have a question for Kirk Ferentz?
(WARNING: I had to stop this video no fewer than six times to cringe and regain my composure. That is not an exaggeration.)
(Video via Matt Watson, via sportsjournalists.com)
Okay. Nebraska, clearly we need to talk. Meet me below the fold.
All right, Husker fans. If you're not marching on KHAS by sundown today, you don't take football nearly as seriously as you want everybody to believe. That's fine, though, since you're not even a tenth as classy as you want everybody to believe either*, so the bullshit's already running through your veins to begin with.
Here in the Big 10, though, journalists don't use Media Days to hit up coaches for autographs in the middle of interview sessions. It's not legendary. It's not leadership. It's not heroic. And it's especially pathetic to make more than a five-second issue out of it ("hey it's for my girlfriend Jeanette, sorry"), to say nothing of that ridiculous "code name" nonsense which COME ONNNNN.
Kirk Ferentz handled this one perfectly, though. Didn't tell the new guy to go kick rocks, because what does ol' Ed know, right? Hitting up coaches for autographs in the Big 12 sounds totally normal. Cooperated with that whole convoluted story Ed had to tell. Finished it off with a beautiful anecdote about what colossal assholes autograph seekers are in situations like these while still remaining tactful. It's perfect.
Now, we don't know what happened before and after the video in question stopped, so I can't criticize Littler for his prioritizing of what to ask Ferentz; for all we know, he asked Ferentz about the Heroes Game and like 20 other rivalry-related questions before and after all that stupid, stupid, stupid autograph business. For all I know, before that clip, he asked a buttload of great questions and got great content out of them.
That said, I doubt it, and I challenge Littler and KHAS to prove us wrong. Otherwise, congratulations KHAS, your sports director is a joke.
*Says: "BEST FANS IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL!"
Comments on: Corn Nation
Proves point of: BHGP
UPDATE: Yeah, according to Todd Brommelkamp, Littler didn't do anything but ask for the autograph:
@Adam_Jacobi Solid work. I was at the table. Guy didn't ask any other questions. Sat shaking his silver sharpie back & forth and staring.less than a minute ago via web 
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Todd Brommelkamp
VoiceoftheHawks
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“Yeah, that shit doesn’t fly in Iowa” said John Campbell, as he clutched Ferentz’s bicycle.
“Would one of you guys please let Coach know that his bike is still right where he left it. I’ll make sure nothing happens to his bike or his helmet. Maybe then he’ll quit ignoring all our calls from KCRG.”
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 1, 2011 7:28 AM CDT reply actions 5 recs
OK, that's funny.
Rec’d.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh NebrHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (gasps) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHjesus what a bunch of total clown boobs HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA how embarrassiHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dumbest state ever.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
How had I never considered the fact that female clowns have boobs?
Next time I see a female clown I might be a little less horrified. Do they paint their… nevermind.
/GIS’s
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Aug 1, 2011 9:39 AM CDT up reply actions
OK, I also GIS'd
I may not yet be on the right track, but I already have two fantastic hits:
Self-explanatory
That’s Anna Nicole Smith. Apparently Google figured out clown and boobs wanted this pic.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Aug 1, 2011 9:53 AM CDT up reply actions
That first picture --
Is that “therealCatbutts”?
"I've never seen a supernova, but if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova it'll light up the night sky." - Philip J. Fry
by HawkOnRails on Aug 1, 2011 11:04 AM CDT up reply actions 4 recs
I couldn't watch all of it
too uncomfortable, i made it to code name and pushed stop.. just couldn’t do it.
He sired a baseball team... An orchestra, if you count the bastards!
by SaturdayMorningKegStanzis on Aug 1, 2011 7:55 AM CDT reply actions
Oh, the rest was all good.
Kirk had a pretty funny Schembechler anecdote. Moreover, I enjoyed watching the Nebraska guy realize how undeniably awkward he is.
Bydand.
by ReadingRambler on Aug 1, 2011 8:13 AM CDT up reply actions
Yep.
Although it is refreshing to still see that occasional person that cuts his own hair.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 1, 2011 8:17 AM CDT up reply actions 4 recs
At least we know that there is still one functioning Flowbee out there.
"West Texas seems to be full of fake boobs providing a comfortable shade for well-developed pot bellies" - Lycurgus (06/24/2011)
by BStylin Hawkye on Aug 1, 2011 9:27 AM CDT up reply actions
As you can see, it sucks while it cuts!
"I've never seen a supernova, but if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova it'll light up the night sky." - Philip J. Fry
Respect the brand name, dude.
Flowbee =/= SuckCut
(actually, they’re probably the same shit)
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 1, 2011 4:39 PM CDT up reply actions
I've cut my own hair for over a decade now.
Didn’t even go to a barber before my wedding. I am gathering that this is not something normal people do?
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Aug 1, 2011 9:55 AM CDT up reply actions
I cut my own hair, too, for almost a decade
But it involves a razor.
Also, I’m pretty sure that I have never been considered “normal people.”
In fairness to both Catnuts and Texaco,
once I started balding (in my mid-20s, thanks God), I also bought an electric clippers and just started zipping the hair off once every couple months.
The “person who cuts their own hair” line was one I recall hearing about Janet Reno, and I think it was on SNL Weekend Update. I’m not sure if it was during the Norm MacDonald era, or not?
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 1, 2011 4:38 PM CDT up reply actions
I pay a really hot cougar $35 to cut mine. Is that odd?
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Aug 1, 2011 11:18 AM CDT up reply actions
Just a trim right?
by Captain America (aka Steve Rogers) on Aug 1, 2011 11:31 AM CDT up reply actions
just the tip
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Aug 1, 2011 11:34 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
You're still getting ripped off.
by Captain America (aka Steve Rogers) on Aug 1, 2011 11:36 AM CDT up reply actions
Seriously, its the best haircut I've ever gotten...
If I could find someone who could do a better job cheaper, I would.
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Aug 1, 2011 11:40 AM CDT up reply actions
The moral of Kirk's story at the end is worth the payoff
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Aug 1, 2011 9:47 AM CDT up reply actions
Jeanette?
Sweet, the only thing separating these people from Terrelle Pryor is one more useless silent letter.
I’m not surprised.
Bydand.
Take Daniels to Media Day LIKE A BOSS
Make a joke to Haddy about media at food table LIKE A BOSS
Help Paterno find the bathroom LIKE A BOSS
Make jokes about Hope’s mustache LIKE A BOSS
Sign autographs for reporters LIKE A BO-what a fucking minute, did that really happen?
Tell BLOODPUNCH and crack a cold one LIKE AN EMPLOYEE
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Aug 1, 2011 8:29 AM CDT up reply actions 8 recs
Rec'd for help Paterno find the bathroom
He sired a baseball team... An orchestra, if you count the bastards!
by SaturdayMorningKegStanzis on Aug 1, 2011 9:08 AM CDT up reply actions
seriously check that guys profile-
“He lists shopping, exercising and being with friends as his favorite pastimes”
favorite journalist is Jim Rome…. desperate housewives? it makes sense now
Gotta get up to get down
I even like to watch/listen to Rome,
but I wouldn’t call him a journalist.
Then again, this guy probably considers himself a journalist, and he’s begging for John Hancocks.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 1, 2011 8:42 AM CDT up reply actions
Rome really?
Say it ain’t so? Where is the value? You are going to have to explain that one to me.
by Captain America (aka Steve Rogers) on Aug 1, 2011 9:50 AM CDT up reply actions
I just like to listen to/watch Rome
because he sometimes makes me laugh.
Once in a great while, he’ll stumble onto something interesting while interviewing someone.
Some of his TV show “Forum” guests are kind of funny at times (Ray Ratto, Matt Money Smith), but I usually change the channel if I see Jemele Hill or Chris Mannix.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 1, 2011 4:43 PM CDT up reply actions
It does not appear that he has done any of those favorite pastimes in over a decade.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Aug 1, 2011 9:57 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Oh, what some men will stoop to in order to chase some tail...
"I've never seen a supernova, but if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova it'll light up the night sky." - Philip J. Fry
From the looks of that dude, most tail is going to have a lot more speed than he does
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Aug 1, 2011 11:20 AM CDT up reply actions
Good Times
It looked like the guy just rolled out of bed, all rumpled up and hungover looking. Perhaps his first time ever to Chicago?
Anyone here old enough to remember DB? A real old school baseball coach...
by two_niner_was_old_school on Aug 1, 2011 9:29 AM CDT reply actions
That or he's been sleeping in his car outside of Kirk's hotel
Probably the latter.
I'll just put COMING SOON down here.
Not as much fun as sleeping in his car in front of Kirk's house
There’s all sorts of weirdos in Chicago banging on your car windows all night and shit.
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Aug 1, 2011 11:21 AM CDT up reply actions
I thought he looked like he'd been partying with Gary Busey for the last two weeks
but then realized that Busey would have eaten him alive after day three (maybe sooner) and then talked about “fortitude” for 48 hours.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Aug 1, 2011 9:42 AM CDT up reply actions
Hey coach!
Will you sign this for Jeanette?
5 national championships!
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 1, 2011 4:47 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Dude's a stalker.
His nickname is “Jeanette”.
by Stay thirsty, my friends. on Aug 1, 2011 9:37 AM CDT reply actions
I know why his hair is all messed up.
It makes sense now. He’s gotta be a crossdresser and Jeanette is his OTHER name. Must’ve fallen asleep with his Cher wig on and pulled it off before he walked to the presser.
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Aug 1, 2011 11:22 AM CDT up reply actions
Kirk, theres a little something on the corner of your mouth...
lemme get that for ya…
"Black is a color of power and strength, and to see all those players, with the captains linking their arms in front-it's a powerful picture."
...Hayden Fry
by chuck longs mom on Aug 1, 2011 12:37 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I'm willing to bet...
This guy did the same thing with Paul Rhoads last year at the Big 12 Media Days.
"I wish you luck with a capital 'F'" - The Real Elvis.
Have you ever seen Paul Rhoads and this guy in the same place?
I didn’t think so. Just saying.
by Captain America (aka Steve Rogers) on Aug 1, 2011 9:51 AM CDT up reply actions
So, so awkward...
I um, well… you see, the thing about this is… Okay, you got us. This is bad. We will be taking Hastings offline shortly. In the meantime, here is some wonderful programming on Nebraska: Home to the Greatest Fans on Earth and current resting place of Five National Championships… (again, really sorry about this. In our defense, this guy might be cooking meth in his basement. Hastings is pretty good at that)
Always check the words with the red squiggly line. They mean you probably screwed up.
"...current resting place..."
You guys kill your national championships? Is it like an Old Yeller thing out there?
by Third Generation Hawk on Aug 1, 2011 10:26 AM CDT up reply actions
It's more of a mausoleum type of feel
We prop up the trophies and team members as if they were still alive, real (relevant), and animated. (Reality says I shouldn’t make comments on threads before my second cup of coffee. Crazy talk happens…)
Always check the words with the red squiggly line. They mean you probably screwed up.
by KennardHusker on Aug 1, 2011 10:32 AM CDT up reply actions
Does the joint smell like bleach and formaldehyde?
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Aug 1, 2011 11:29 AM CDT up reply actions
do not smoke that bone
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Aug 1, 2011 11:29 AM CDT up reply actions
I just rewatched that whole video...
and wow… I have absolutely no idea why he would be pushing so hard. It almost feels like the fake reporters late night shows send around to get awkward responses.
Always check the words with the red squiggly line. They mean you probably screwed up.
by KennardHusker on Aug 1, 2011 12:07 PM CDT up reply actions
He was trying to trap KF.
First he gets the autograph, then he leaves some change on the table, ostensibly a tip for the hardworking servers, suddenly BOOM ncaa infraction: Charging Money for an Autograph.
Bo Pelini: “Next rival. NEXT RIVAL! NEXT… next rival.” “SHUT UP JEANETTE, YOU’LL GET YOUR FUCKING PEN BACK! YES! Yes, and the autograph too.”
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Aug 1, 2011 3:05 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
Do you pose the stiffs
and then take pictures for the football programs? Do you all have life sized diorama there under the stadium where you go worship at the football alter?
You are right that is some crazy shit.
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Aug 2, 2011 8:00 PM CDT up reply actions
I always thought Nebraska "posed the stiffs."
LOL/LAWL
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 2, 2011 9:32 PM CDT up reply actions
LOL
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Aug 3, 2011 11:05 AM CDT up reply actions
So that’s what happened to Lawrence Phillips.
Bydand.
by ReadingRambler on Aug 1, 2011 12:43 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Hey it was for his GIRLFRIEND, you jerks!
You know, the girlfriend that he had to think about on how to spell her name.
The girlfriend who turned out to be his maybe girlfriend.
You Like Twitter? Me too! Awesome Fun Time K Thanks Bye! @storminspank
She's Canadian
He met her at summer camp, but her parents won’t let her come down to visit. But he totally has a picture of her, she’s a model for the JC Penny catalog.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
by HoyaGoon on Aug 1, 2011 1:33 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions 1 recs
I met her at Niagara Falls. You wouldn't know her.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 1, 2011 4:58 PM CDT up reply actions
A Later Dialogue...
E.L.: Hey Jeanette, I got you a sweet autograph from Kirk Ferentz at the Big Ten media day!
Jeanette: Oh no. Ed, you didn’t tell him my last name did you?
E.L.: No way. You think I’d give him any clues that would lead to him tracking down your hotness. Nuh uh, your all mine baby.
Jeanette: Oh God. Ed, just because I wait on you at Applebees, I like Iowa football, and you happen to be a bottom rung sports reporter for the local rag does not mean we have ANY type of relationship.
E.L.: Hard to get, I love it! Look for more autographs in the future shnookums.
Jeanette: I’m calling the cops.
by hawk4trees on Aug 1, 2011 11:10 AM CDT reply actions 6 recs
scarily close to the truth
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Aug 1, 2011 11:21 AM CDT up reply actions
Applebee's? Pssh.
You know Jeannette works at Hooters.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Aug 1, 2011 11:36 AM CDT up reply actions
There's an Applebee's in Nebraska? Awesome.
I know where I’m stopping the next time I am driving to Colorado.
by Captain America (aka Steve Rogers) on Aug 1, 2011 11:38 AM CDT up reply actions
Hastings does not have an Applebee's.
They do have a “Kitty’s Road House.”
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Kittys-Roadhouse/149753004783
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 1, 2011 5:04 PM CDT up reply actions
I'm pretty sure Applebee's in Nebraska is one step away from assisted suicide.
Cheering for inconsistent, undisciplined teams [Twins, Wild, Packers, Hawkeyes] since 1989. "False Hope is better than No Hope"
I just bit my effing tongue listening to this
Kirk is fucking awesome. I didn’t want my cube mates to freak out… that is some funny shit.
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
I couldn't get past the
“and, y’know, Kirk if you just sign your name…”
"THIS IS EVERY SCOTTISH WORD EVER: LAPHROAIGFRAOGHRAFLAGLLAPHLAIG" - Joe Paterno/BHGP
by The Ghost of John Hannah on Aug 1, 2011 11:32 AM CDT reply actions
What's wrong with just saying "Hey Kirk, could I please get your autograph? Thanks".
Its like studies that show the most effective pickup line is “Hi, my name is BLANK.”
:p
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Aug 1, 2011 11:42 AM CDT up reply actions
Jeanette is actually his dead wife's name.
/SADCREEPY’d
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
Last 5 seconds makes BLOODPUNCH love his football coach....
“… this jerk is making me sign a book…” story might be the best backhand slap I’ve seen.
He has a very Belichikian way of laying out some hatred towards people who waste his time….
That was nice….
Thoughts on how other coaches would react? Hope would pluck a joists he hair and tape it to the autograph, I’m sure of it….
While tearing an ACL
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
by HoyaGoon on Aug 1, 2011 1:35 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Since it was at media day,
I’m betting they just sign it an move on.
Actually, I can think of someone who has signed many an autograph at these things.
http://deadspin.com/5786989/your-jim-tressel-signing-things-photoshop-roundup/gallery/
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 1, 2011 5:07 PM CDT up reply actions
Best part is how Kirk
makes fun of him by saying “I’m guessing you can use some points” after the reporter says he could make some major points for getting his autograph.
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Aug 2, 2011 8:04 PM CDT up reply actions
I like the first way better.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Aug 1, 2011 12:28 PM CDT up reply actions
When people w/ iPads complain about spell check and other idiosyncracies
I don’t feel sorry for them, maybe it’s the jealousy that won’t allow me to.
by Carfino'sWay on Aug 1, 2011 12:54 PM CDT up reply actions
Porn joists he?
Handlebar joists he.
Hilter joists he.
Dali joists he.
by Stay thirsty, my friends. on Aug 1, 2011 1:36 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
For the joists he impaired.
by Stay thirsty, my friends. on Aug 1, 2011 1:42 PM CDT up reply actions
I am not clicking that link at work
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull." - W.C. Fields
I am not clicking that link at home.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 2, 2011 3:52 PM CDT up reply actions
Deleted post
Deleted, deleted, deleted.
Torrent of expletives, something about making my job harder.
Deleted, deleted, deleted.
Appalling.
"I always like it better when the clowns seem to try to be happy."
by MarcMorehouse on Aug 1, 2011 1:59 PM CDT reply actions 7 recs
I am shocked!
Shocked to find that journalism is going on here! LOL
by Captain America (aka Steve Rogers) on Aug 1, 2011 2:22 PM CDT up reply actions
This from the guy who has a pic of Ferentz with a baby on his Twitter?
/I’m sorry. I seriously do respect you and like your work if you are the real Marc Morehouse.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 1, 2011 5:09 PM CDT up reply actions
I am me
The Ferentz-baby pic was for humor purposes only.
"I always like it better when the clowns seem to try to be happy."
by MarcMorehouse on Aug 1, 2011 9:22 PM CDT up reply actions
Marc
did you get an autograph of the new coaches in the BIG for your girlfriend “Janette”? If so that would score you some major points.
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Aug 2, 2011 8:07 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I have yet to watch the video and I cannot bring myself to do so
I read the transcript over at Hawkeye Nation though. That was awkward enough as it is.
Yeah, I feel awkward whenever I go to Hawkeye Nation too.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Aug 1, 2011 3:12 PM CDT up reply actions
Deadspin picked up on it
Now with comments from the Nebby TV guy
You Like Twitter? Me too! Awesome Fun Time K Thanks Bye! @storminspank
Wow.
“She is pretty sharpe.”
I’ll bet.
“I really didn’t think anyone would tape record the conversation, but with cameras on every cell phone these days, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”
Cameraphones: now in Nebraska!
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Sharpe?
"There are no Pan Asian supermarkets down in hell, so you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts." - The Mountain Goats
Why was he an 8-time Pro Bowler?
Because of his excellent (jazz)hands.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 1, 2011 5:11 PM CDT up reply actions
facepalm
Who would have thought there’d be recorded conversations at Media Days???
Ceci n'est pas un blogue.
"I really didn't think anyone would tape record the conversation.."
Yeah, what were the odds that recording devices would be present at a media event? I mean that’s just a completely, never-in-a-million-years occurrence right there.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
::facepalm::
Uh…it’s Kearney?
I can just imagine Pelini telling Ferentz “Now you know why I have such a bad relationship with Nebraska media”.
Ed Gein, sports reporter
“It’s for my girlfriend Jeanette…she’s a big fan…I’m going to wear her skin when I get home.”
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Aug 1, 2011 4:23 PM CDT reply actions 2 recs
Would you sign an autograph for me?
I’d totally sign an autograph for me.
/butterflies flapping around in a dark basement.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 1, 2011 5:12 PM CDT up reply actions
It rubs the autograph on its skin
or it gets the hose again.
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull." - W.C. Fields
It puts the autograph on the paper
and rubs lotion on its back
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Aug 2, 2011 8:13 PM CDT up reply actions
I think my biggest problem with that is that men shouldn't ask other men for autographs.
That, and take a baseball glove to a baseball game.
Also, Ferentz is awesome. Took it completely in stride and told a good anecdote.
Ross, you might need to recreate a scene for Jeannette
just so that we can see how Birk Berentz would handle such a situation
Skol!
I don't know why, I'm sensing Pelican Whore...but would she really hang out in Kearney?
I guess if the money’s right…
This is Christopher Guest's best work since Best In Show
"When a guy takes off his coat, he's not going to fight. When a guy takes off his wristwatch, watch out!"
- Al McGuire
www.anonymouseagle.com
A theory
- He’s getting the autograph for his “girlfriend.”
- The girlfriend is someone he has a “code name” for.
- The girlfriend is not a girlfriend yet.
Therefore:
The girlfriend is someone on an internet forum with the handle “theiowahawkeye”
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull." - W.C. Fields
Or he really doesn't know her name
just that he calls her “theiowahawkeye” as he wanks it when he watches her through his binoculars.
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Aug 2, 2011 8:16 PM CDT up reply actions
This site would have closed the doors if...
KF said " I don’t recognize that handle…. She must be on BHGP…"
It would have been – KF FTW!
We can only dream of the day he makes direct reference to the site.
/sigh
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