Big Ten Media Days: The Bobster Meets Kevin Wilson
by RossWB on Jul 28, 2011 3:01 PM CDT
in Batshit Insanity
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... and I'm just so excited to get the season started here at Indiana University. It's a great day to be a Hoosier!
/crickets
Er, right. Any questions?
/crickets
Seriously, no questions? We've been a member of the Big Ten since 1899! That's a lot longer than those Johnny-Come-Latelys like Nebraska and Penn State. Hell, we've even been here longer than Ohio State!
/crickets
/long sigh
Hey, Coach, I've got a question. How exciting is it to play your home games in the same stadium that's hosting the Big Ten Championship Game?
...
Uh, that game's in Indianapolis. We play in Bloomington.
... oh. Do you think you're going to lose your sausages and throw your gum at someone this year?
Um, I think that was the last guy.
... oh. Coach, how did it feel to beat a #1-ranked Florida team in 1997?
Um, that was a different guy, too. In fact, he's sitting right next to you.
/turns and looks
...oh. Okay, Coach, here's a question for you: was Big Ben as rapey in college?
FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU--
How many u's is that? I want to get it right when I quote you. Accuracy in reporting, that's what I always say!
Dammit, that was another guy, too. And he's dead.
FROM THE AFTERLIFE I SMITE THEE
/dies
Does anyone have any real football questions for me? My name is Kevin Wilson and this is an exciting, brand new era for Indiana Hoosiers football!
/crickets
Dammit, I just got a verbal commitment from Gunner Kiel, the top quarterback recruit in the entire friggin' country!
/winces
Ooh, even the Bobster knows you can't do that.
What?
Say a recruit's name before he actually signs with you, broseph.
Aw, hamburgers.
WHEEE-OOOOO! WHEEE-OOOOO! WHEEE-OOOOO!
Hey there, NCAA Sanctions-Bot 5000!
GREETINGS, BOBERT ZOOK.
NCAA RULES VIOLATION DETECTED.
SEARCHING FOR OFFENDING PROGRAM...
SEARCHING...
SEARCHING...
LOCATED. PLEASE FILL OUT FORM 1A, 4B, AND 3C IN TRIPLICATE AND REPORT TO NCAA OFFICES THREE MONTHS FROM NOW, OHIO STATE COACH [insert name here].
Hey, wasn't us this time, bro.
OH.
It was Indiana, actually.
SEARCHING...
SEARCHING...
SEARCHING...
ERROR. NO "INDIANA UNIVERSITY FOOTBALL" DETECTED.
Fuck you guys.
20 comments
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Comments
Is this real or satire?
I’m going to go ahead and just assume it’s real.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
it is most definitely real
I have this co-worker who knows this guy’s brother who is friends with another guy’s sister who works for a lady who is married to a the cousin of one of the people who attended a jamboree with this other guy who is in a local electronic train engineer club with a guy who was there and saw the whole thing go down.
so i am like 99% sure it is real
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 28, 2011 3:07 PM CDT up reply actions 4 recs
If..
my uncle is in a local electronic train engineer club and attended jamboree with a cousin to a married lady who works with another guy’s sister whos friends with your co-workers brother..does that make us related?
"Black is a color of power and strength, and to see all those players, with the captains linking their arms in front-it's a powerful picture."
...Hayden Fry
by chuck longs mom on Jul 28, 2011 3:20 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I believe we are then
on the same electronic train engineer jamboree tree, so yeah I guess we are related.
I have a new family member and its Chuck Long’s mom and by extension to Chuck Long!! WOW!! I am related to the greatest QB ever to play at Iowa. Suck it other Iowa fans, Chuck and I will be tossing the ol’ pig skin around this year at the family reunion!
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 29, 2011 8:24 AM CDT up reply actions
Where's HawksOnRails?
He might be your brother.
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Jul 29, 2011 9:44 AM CDT up reply actions
OMG!!
Shut up!! more relatives! I feel as giddy as a school girl. My family is getting bigger an bigger by the moment.
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 29, 2011 1:14 PM CDT up reply actions
Well, he's not my brother,
as I don’t have one. Unless he’s a bro-in-law, married to one of my sisters…but they’re not into trains. Maybe a cousin? I have 31 of them.
But you’ll be happy to know, BP’sB, that through aconnection to me you are now connected to Gary Cole, as in Bill Lumberg from “Office Space”.
"I've never seen a supernova, but if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova it'll light up the night sky." - Philip J. Fry
by HawkOnRails on Jul 31, 2011 12:27 AM CDT up reply actions
very cool. I like Gary Cole.
Anything that gets me closer to Office Space is not bad as Jennifer Aniston was in Office space, so my chances of meeting and dating her are getting better and better. Like from 1 in 3 million to 1 in 2 million.
“so you are saying there is a chance.”
/dumb and dumber’d
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 31, 2011 9:36 AM CDT up reply actions
Satire
We all know there is no “Indiana University Football Team”
by Angle's Dangle on Jul 28, 2011 3:22 PM CDT up reply actions
Are we really roasting on a program
that has beaten us 4 times (almost 5) in the Ferentz era?
Then again, they did sell a home game to go play about 40 miles from PSU, so fuck those guys.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 28, 2011 10:50 PM CDT up reply actions
Is that a dalek?
I have the same fashion sense as Tom Arnold.
by CyHawk on Jul 28, 2011 3:34 PM CDT via mobile reply actions 1 recs
As long as
they don’t make a movie about it, we’ll be fine.
"If you need a rah-rah speech at halftime, you’re playing the wrong sport." - Pat Angerer
Nope, that was Robby the Robot from FORBIDDEN PLANET.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
I've often contemplated ...
whether or not rocket-arm Lynch ever launched a wad of gum into a low Earth orbit during one of his epileptic fits or if the chunk of Bubblicious only dinged a tuba player 20 rows up in the stands behind the end zone.
by Stay thirsty, my friends. on Jul 28, 2011 4:18 PM CDT reply actions
Just once
I wish Kirk would throw his gum.
at KOK.
after an end around goes for 80 yards and a TD.
in the B1G Championship Game.
Hey Dolph, you look like I need a beer.
by Give Eddie a Beer on Jul 28, 2011 5:49 PM CDT up reply actions
Bravo, gentlemen. Bravo.
That up there covers…pretty much everything.
by LoneStarHoosier on Jul 28, 2011 6:45 PM CDT reply actions
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