Bobert Zook Arrives at Big Ten Media Day: A Photo Essay

by Patrick Vint on Jul 28, 2011 10:01 AM CDT in Batshit Insanity

(T/F/J: @Hlas)

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I had no idea

Bobert’s got a nice rack

by rod_leviathan on Jul 28, 2011 10:03 AM CDT reply actions

how do you think he gets those recruits

He promises them they can “motor boat” his breasts

All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!

TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel

by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 28, 2011 10:07 AM CDT up reply actions

Those are a reminder of his long ago participation in a UF medical experiment

meant to determine the viability of human male lactation for the nutritional advancement of orphaned Koala bears. He was paid $5000, which he used, almost in the entirety, to fund his not inconsiderable snake venom habit. Twice weekly injections has effects 100 times more powerful than viagra and ten times more powerful than ecstasy. He basically became an overly affectionate humping machine for days at a time.

"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton

by Lycurgus on Jul 28, 2011 10:12 AM CDT up reply actions 5 recs

Just like his brother Ron.

Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't

by Eyeheartfreedumb on Jul 28, 2011 11:36 AM CDT up reply actions

His favorite types of snake venom are:

Black-headed Bushmaster and Yellow-jawed Tommygoff

"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton

by Lycurgus on Jul 28, 2011 12:55 PM CDT up reply actions

I just assumed

that, if you are born into the Zook family, you were born an overly-affectionate humping machine?

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 28, 2011 11:37 AM CDT up reply actions

He won the 1996 Panama City Beach Wet T-shirt Contest on MTV Summer Break.

Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't

by Eyeheartfreedumb on Jul 28, 2011 11:35 AM CDT up reply actions

He used more bronzer than all the other contestants combined.

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 28, 2011 11:38 AM CDT up reply actions 2 recs

In only two bodily locations

like a poor man’s henna tatoo.

Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't

by Eyeheartfreedumb on Jul 28, 2011 3:08 PM CDT up reply actions

I see what you did there.

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 28, 2011 10:16 PM CDT up reply actions

a set of the finest man boobs in the entire conference

"Black is a color of power and strength, and to see all those players, with the captains linking their arms in front-it's a powerful picture."
...Hayden Fry

by chuck longs mom on Jul 28, 2011 11:51 AM CDT up reply actions

That picture of Delany totally says:

“I’m pooping right now”

“Yes, I do have time to play with myself” in a Duke Nukem voice.

I'll just put COMING SOON down here.

by mikjones24 on Jul 28, 2011 10:12 AM CDT reply actions

I think I see the parallels here.

Apple ran the “1984” ad, and then spent the next 10 or 15 years losing (sometimes slowly, sometimes more rapidly) to Microsoft and IBM compatible brands. But then, they focused on other areas (music, phones, tablets) and have now probably re-taken the lead in the industry, despite still facing competition from experienced opposition (Dell) and new challengers (Droid).

So, Illinois (Apple) has spent much of the last 15 years losing to Ohio State (IBM/Microsoft). But now, the Illini have focused on home stadium upgrades and hiring good coordinators, and as OSU is beginning to falter, Illinois will now try to take the lead in the Big Ten Leaders, despite still facing competition from experienced opposition (Wisconsin) and a new challenger (Nebraska in a title game?)

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 28, 2011 11:01 AM CDT reply actions

Sure.

That’s exactly what it’s supposed to be.

Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.

by Patrick Vint on Jul 28, 2011 11:10 AM CDT up reply actions

That might work

If it weren’t for the fact that Illinois coached by Ron Zook while Wisconsin is coached by a decent coach and Penn State is coached by some guy you might have heard of while he was winning his 400th game.

"Choosing Penn State over Stanford, my god!!" - rumple

by ReadingRambler on Jul 28, 2011 11:41 AM CDT up reply actions

That's a pretty strange theory, Droz.

Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't

by Eyeheartfreedumb on Jul 28, 2011 3:10 PM CDT up reply actions

That weasel snagged the bee!

by Captain n Diet Coker on Jul 28, 2011 5:58 PM CDT up reply actions

holy shit thats prophetic

and i thought BHGP was lll T&A
but my daughter, home from that other town in Iowa
tells me John Wayne Gaycey was from Waterloo
and i used to love that tonw

Long Live the Pellican Whore - like FOREVER

by OhioHawk on Jul 28, 2011 8:51 PM CDT up reply actions

Gacy lived in Waterloo for roughly a decade, while in his 20s.

He was born in Illinois, and that’s where he went back to after he did time in prison in Iowa.

I’m giving Illinois the blame, on that one.

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 28, 2011 10:17 PM CDT up reply actions

So far, this is what I've learned from media day:

- Bielema hates OSU and cheaters.

- Luke Fickell is very willing to stone-wall the media with non-answers all year long. But, he also wants the OSU fans to know that it will be business as usual in Columbus, and he wants all other fans (and the NCAA) to know he hasn’t talked at all with Tressel.

- Kevin Wilson hasn’t watched any game tape of his own players, but can wax poetic about his days at OU and the importance of the Rose Bowl?

- Joe Paterno is very capable for a man the age of 142.

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 28, 2011 11:36 AM CDT reply actions

142?

Have you seen Osborne? Who’s he then, one of them old dudes from the Book of Genesis?

"Choosing Penn State over Stanford, my god!!" - rumple

by ReadingRambler on Jul 28, 2011 11:42 AM CDT up reply actions

Yes.

Osbourne is actually Adam (from Genesis), and Lawrence Phillips is Cain. That means Tommie Frazier=Abel.

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 28, 2011 11:52 AM CDT up reply actions

Kerry Collins is Moses.

Slow, but extremely effective.

"Choosing Penn State over Stanford, my god!!" - rumple

by ReadingRambler on Jul 28, 2011 11:57 AM CDT up reply actions

Yep.

And he certainly parted the Red Sea in 1994. If I’m reading the score correctly, they beat a 9-win OSU by about 50 points.

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 28, 2011 12:03 PM CDT up reply actions

40 days and 40 nights of ball-control offense.

"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."

by SomeJerkPoster on Jul 28, 2011 3:31 PM CDT up reply actions

who then

is JoePa?

Long Live the Pellican Whore - like FOREVER

by OhioHawk on Jul 28, 2011 8:52 PM CDT up reply actions

God, or Abraham.

But he might be a little too old to play a convincing Abraham.

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 28, 2011 10:18 PM CDT up reply actions

Here let me fix that for you

But he might be a little too old to play a convincing ~~Abraham~~ God

there it is fixed for you.

All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!

TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel

by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 29, 2011 8:31 AM CDT up reply actions

Thank you.

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 29, 2011 8:35 AM CDT up reply actions

Your Welcome!

Anything I can do to help, it is my pleasure.

Have a great day.

All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!

TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel

by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 29, 2011 8:59 AM CDT up reply actions

I also wish you a great day, and a great weekend.

Hell, why not a great upcoming month of August and everything after, as well.

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 29, 2011 9:35 AM CDT up reply actions

Chazz you are so nice

Why do people pick on you all the time?

I don’t see it. You are always polite and cordial.

All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!

TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel

by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 29, 2011 1:16 PM CDT up reply actions

I like to think that I can get along with most people around here,

as long as I’m given slight common courtesy, as well.

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 29, 2011 11:00 PM CDT up reply actions

Finally realized who JimDa looks like

BOOM 4-3 cover 2! Deal with that!

by 99playsNAblitzaint1 on Jul 28, 2011 4:04 PM CDT reply actions 3 recs

Hey Dilbert, consider them rolled.

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 28, 2011 10:19 PM CDT up reply actions

I've been watching the BTN Media Day stuff a little more early on Friday morning.

I’m not sure if we covered this a couple months ago somewhere here at BHGP or not, but Illinois’s schedule this year is a fucking joke.

They have 8 true home games, including the first 5 games of the year at home. Their Big Ten home slate includes jNW, OSU, Michigan, and Wisky. Their road slate is at Indy, at Purdue, at PSU, and at Minnesota.

They don’t play Iowa, MSU, Nebby. Their most difficult stretch of games is probably October 15th thru November 19th, when they host OSU, then play at Purdue and at PSU, then come back to Champaign for Michigan and Wisky.

Their non-conference opponents are: Arky State, S Dakota St, Ariz St, and W Michigan (none of these teams has made a bowl game since 2008, although SDSU made the FCS playoffs in 2009). The Illini don’t even play Mizzou in St. Louis this year.

What a god-damned joke!

http://espn.go.com/college-football/team/schedule/_/id/356/illinois-fighting-illini

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 29, 2011 8:00 AM CDT reply actions

If the Zook

doesn’t have a winning season with that schedule, do you think he is out at Illinois?

I think this season could be his downfall. If he gets Illinois to a bowl game, I beleive he survives for another 2 years. If he has a losing season, he is out after this year.

All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!

TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel

by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 29, 2011 8:34 AM CDT up reply actions