Million Dollar Punching Bag
by RossWB on Jul 18, 2011 9:31 AM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
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"No, see, ya gotta keep it close 'til the end, then hope ya got more than the other guy..."
The Des Moines Register took off its "firing people" hat, put on its reporter hat, and invoked the good ol' Open Records Act to obtain a copy of the contract for Iowa's game with Louisiana-Monroe this fall. Lo and behold, Iowa's paying out a cool one million dollars to the Team Formerly Known As The Indians. Well, $1.05 million, technically:
The Hawkeyes paid nonconference opponent Louisiana-Monroe a school-record $1.05 million guarantee for the Sept. 24 game at Kinnick Stadium, according to contracts obtained by The Des Moines Register through the Open Records Act.
That’s $150,000 more than Iowa’s previous high payout of $900,000 — a 24-21 win against Arkansas State on Oct. 3, 2009.
The extra $5,000 $50,000 is so the Warhawks can go to Whitey's after the game, presumably. (They get a lot of ice cream. Bloodpunch is so generous.)
That $1.05M price tag is a record now, but it almost certainly won't stay that way for long -- prices for these "guarantee" games keep going up, up, up. Iowa (and schools like them) are willing to pay these outrageous prices because they're still turning a profit: as the article notes, Iowa generates $2M per home game via ticket sales alone, which (obviously) doesn't factor in revenue generated through concessions, parking, or merchandise. (And now you see why schools like Iowa are adamant about playing seven home games every year.)
I couldn't find information on the guarantee being paid to Tennessee Tech this fall, but Iowa paid Eastern Illinois $400,000 last year. Considering that Tennessee Tech has over twice as far to travel (660 miles versus 300 miles, according to my friends at Google Maps) to get to Iowa City (read: higher travel costs) and that these guaranteed fees tend to go in one direction over time (read: up, up, up), it's probably safe to assume that Iowa's paying at least $500,000 to Tennessee Tech. So for the low, low cost of just $1.5M dollars (Less than half of Kirk Ferentz's annual salary! Just three-fourths of the value of ticket sales for one home game!), Iowa gets to bring in two teams no one wants to see (if I told you the quarterback of UL-Monroe was a former male stripper-and-cable repairman named Carl Hungus, you would probably believe me -- because no one gives two shits about the accuracy of reporting w/r/t Louisiana-Monroe), in games Iowa has very little chance of losing (you say "2009 UNI," I say "statistical aberration"), and that Iowa fans will watch only because they're desperate addicts in need of a fix (and if a home game with Michigan is the equivalent of the purest ye-yo, shipped directly from Columbia, then a home game with Louisiana-Monroe is the equivalent of buying a bag of nose candy that's half baking soda, mixed in some dude's basement in North Liberty). What a bargain! What a sport!
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$1.05 Million
is a small price to pay when you are on the road to a Mythical BCS Championship.
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 18, 2011 9:38 AM CDT reply actions
Someone has to be "that guy"
The extra $5,000 is so the Warhawks can go to Whitey’s after the game, presumably. (Bloodpunch is so generous.)
1.05 million = $50,000 over 1 million, not $5,000.
So they can get super size cones at Whitey’s.
Yep, that's a difference. It's the difference between these two electric vehicles
Anybody else excited about the Tesla Model S? Anyone? Just me? I thought that might be the case.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 11:24 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I would be if I could afford it...
"He lowballed us and said: 'Take it or leave it. If you don't take our offer, you are rolling the dice.' I said: 'Consider them rolled.' " - Jim "Huge Brass Balls" Delaney
by ClaybornSmash on Jul 18, 2011 2:08 PM CDT up reply actions
I can't afford/don't need an early model
They’re only making the $20K-more-expensive largest battery model for at least the first year of production. When they offer the smaller battery model it’s a strong consideration for our second car.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 2:20 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, I'd totally do that.
They’re bad ass.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Jul 18, 2011 2:37 PM CDT up reply actions
I'm waiting for fuel cells
Then you can have a car that not only has range but potentially enough power to run your house when you’re not driving it :)
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 19, 2011 10:54 AM CDT up reply actions
I think I have to fight you on this
Waiting for fuel cells is what killed electric cars for decades.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 19, 2011 10:58 AM CDT up reply actions
Its just a matter of subsidizing the tech to death
I regularly drive past the strip mall on US 50 here in Sacramento that houses the California Fuel Cell Partnership. I was riding my bike in downtown Sacramento a couple of years ago and pulled up next to a Nissan SUV that was a fuel cell demo vehicle. Dude driving it says it drives just like a regular car except you have shitloads of torque with an electric motor compared to a gas/diesel engine.
What really makes more sense for the near term is clean diesel. They already have it extensively in Europe. Detroit did a great job killing diesel cars in the US in the early 70s with the POS diesels they tried to foist on the American public. I’m not a fan of hybrids; its a neat tech, but not a long-term solution to high mileage cars…
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 19, 2011 11:02 AM CDT up reply actions
Correct me if I'm wrong
but VW has several new(-er) models that are diesel. BMW, I thought too, which makes sense, the German companies would have a lot more experience using diesel.
It never gets to be easy.
Why the fuck doesn't it ever get to be easy?
by chitownhawkeye on Jul 19, 2011 7:43 PM CDT up reply actions
VW has been making a diesel version of the Jetta for years.
by Carfino'sWay on Jul 19, 2011 7:46 PM CDT up reply actions
The diesel Jetta is supposed to get 42mpg.
"West Texas seems to be full of fake boobs providing a comfortable shade for well-developed pot bellies" - Lycurgus (06/24/2011)
by BStylin Hawkye on Jul 20, 2011 10:52 AM CDT up reply actions
I think clean energy is all about battery technology.
The smaller and more efficient the battery the more effective the technology.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Well, and a fuel cell is, in a sense, a battery
Just one that has a hell of lot more energy in it.
One thing that could be used to increase the mileage of cars – short term – is to simply decrease horsepower and weight. You don’t have to change fuel tech or engines – just drop a little weight and 0-60 time. Unless you are driving on freeways a lot, for in-town driving, you don’t need a 4,000 pound car and 200+ horses under the hood. Is a powerful heavy car more fun? Sure, but if I still had the 1999 Suburban 2500 with the gas engine that I gladly gave to the ex-bitch in the divorce, I’d be cringing at filling up a 42 gallon gas tank at $4 gallon. The best mileage that car ever got when I drove it was 18 mpg with a tailwind and no load in it. Most of the time it got around 13. Great for pulling a horse trailer but pretty piss poor for anything else.
Although it was a great car with kids… I bought it in Jackson, MS from a guy that gets good used gov’t cars… it was a former US forest service vehicle with 69K on it, obnoxious green, all vinyl inside so you could hose it out to clean it. Its up in CT now where she lives, parked – she bought a small horse property with her 3rd husband and the only time they drive it is to haul hay because they can’t afford to drive it.
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 19, 2011 11:12 AM CDT up reply actions
Anyway, if carbon fiber is good for bike frames...
I’m surprised we are not seeing it being mainstreamed into auto production – and it will be if fabrication gets cheap enough to be reasonably competitive with aluminum… talk about shaving weight from the car, if you can make it for the body…
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 19, 2011 11:13 AM CDT up reply actions
2 points
I drive a 2001 Saturn. I love that car. I get almost 30 mpg year round due to how light it is, using plastic for the paneling was a great idea that GM has now killed off.
About horsepower, I’m no car guy, but I remember reading about how horsepower has increased dramatically for no good reason other than Americans like to go fast. Which is great and all, but for my money, few things make me laugh like watching a guy in a high end sport car stuck in traffic behind my little plastic car. And, of course, everybody needing minivans and SUVs to go grocery shopping.
It never gets to be easy.
Why the fuck doesn't it ever get to be easy?
by chitownhawkeye on Jul 19, 2011 8:00 PM CDT up reply actions
The day that I have to drive something like this,
is the day I start a militia to overthrow the government.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 20, 2011 1:30 AM CDT up reply actions
You can legally park them with the back tires on the curb!
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 20, 2011 8:19 AM CDT up reply actions
Tesla?
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Jul 18, 2011 2:47 PM CDT up reply actions
How's this for an electric car?
It is at the Antique Car Museum of Iowa in Coralville. It looks pretty cool. 
Here is a link to some info on it.
The guy who worked there who I talked to about it said it had a range of 50 miles…
In 1922…
Someone really dropped the ball on this electric car stuff!
The ball wasn't dropped,
it was forcibly knocked out of the ball-holders’ hands by other more-powerful interests.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Jul 18, 2011 4:01 PM CDT up reply actions
Hansome cab unions?
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
The Cable Car lobby
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:11 PM CDT up reply actions
The manufacturers of those Swan Pedal Boats
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
No, the Duck Boats killed those
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:14 PM CDT up reply actions
Dirigibles then?
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Cloverleaf Industries.
Big West Coast cable car outfit.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Jul 18, 2011 4:21 PM CDT up reply actions
HumanMule - the multinational rickshaw conglomerate
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Monorail International, Inc.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:29 PM CDT up reply actions
Dung-a-Choo
A Mongolian railroad corporation which uses only yak dung to produce steam power for their railway empire.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
If it's good enough
for North HaverbrooK, it’s good enough for me
It never gets to be easy.
Why the fuck doesn't it ever get to be easy?
by chitownhawkeye on Jul 18, 2011 6:08 PM CDT up reply actions
Wrong.
The tinfoil hat manufacturers formed a strange alliance with the tinfoil hat worker unions to keep the electric cars down.
Ya know they murdered Mike
And tried to blame it on JoePa
He turned the power to the have-nots
And then came the SHOT!
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 4:22 PM CDT up reply actions
tinfoil hats manufacturers were driven out of business
by Ukranian-backed aluminum foil hat manufacturers.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
But that didn't happen until the fall of the Soviet Union.
Before that, American tin foil industry, unions and management alike, were allowed to be lazy and incompetent, assuming the markets wouldn’t change.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 5:01 PM CDT up reply actions
Their industry boomed when
tri-quarter tin hats were eventually replaced by tin fedoras
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Strangely,
I always considered the tin-foil companies as too big to fail. I guess they just didn’t have enough pull/lobbying with the Kennedy, Johnson, and Nixon administrations.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 18, 2011 8:59 PM CDT up reply actions
Oh, they did.
But Reagan cut their subsidies during the ’80s. People today are still divided today over whether that was justified. I lean towards yes, but only because most of the factories were in Ohio.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:01 PM CDT up reply actions
Screw Ohio with their stupid golden pants on
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Who uses tin foil anymore?
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Jul 18, 2011 4:46 PM CDT up reply actions
Central Pennsylvania is heavy on the tin and butter churns
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Discerning conspiracyist consumers.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:49 PM CDT up reply actions
Who held back the electric cars?
The Stonecutters of course. They also seem to have an undue influence on who is, and is not, big in Hollywood.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Loved him in the Police Academy movies.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 19, 2011 9:16 AM CDT up reply actions
Does that have a V8?
I thought not.
Ya know they murdered Mike
And tried to blame it on JoePa
He turned the power to the have-nots
And then came the SHOT!
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 4:21 PM CDT up reply actions
I drive a Ford F-350 with a V10 for work.
It is glorious.
Going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going.... Alright, I'll stop for now.
by EnergizerHawk on Jul 18, 2011 8:39 PM CDT up reply actions
My official greatest story ever told:
Several weeks ago, a man drove down my road in a Shelby Cobra. He was smoking a giant cigar.
When he dies, I will eat his liver to consume some of his spirit.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 8:49 PM CDT up reply actions
That is going to make for an awkward funeral service
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Do you live on a gravel road?
In my head you live on a gravel road like most Amish I know.
by Carfino'sWay on Jul 18, 2011 8:54 PM CDT up reply actions
No. But I wish I did.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 8:55 PM CDT up reply actions
I will find you yet, Rambler.
I am triangulating your location from the little clues you have been living around BHGP and BSD.
by Carfino'sWay on Jul 18, 2011 8:57 PM CDT up reply actions
Adams County, PA - heart and soul of the 717.
That’s all you need to know. Most parts of the county are the same.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 8:58 PM CDT up reply actions
Well, except for Gettysburg.
Which is a battlefield surrounded by a mixture of pretty farmland and dumps. And a trailer park or two. And annoying people.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 8:58 PM CDT up reply actions
What will you do if a couple of rogue iowans track you down?
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Offer you corn, I guess.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:01 PM CDT up reply actions
CW should be sure to bring casserole and sugar cookies
the traditional Iowa greeting meal
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
What sort of casserole?
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:04 PM CDT up reply actions
I'd prefer baked corn.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:06 PM CDT up reply actions
Have some butter ready,
because sometimes corn casserole can get a little dry.
Also, you’ll probably decrease the chances of RR beginning a 3-week-long-standoff if you guys bring him a few Iowa chops.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 18, 2011 9:07 PM CDT up reply actions
Oh that's right
he hasn’t tasted the goodness that is the Iowa Chop. Sad.
by Carfino'sWay on Jul 18, 2011 9:13 PM CDT up reply actions
If it's dry, you ain't making it right.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:13 PM CDT up reply actions
That's what she said
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Hey, you want to start some more corn puns?
I’m not very good at that, but hey, might as well.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:14 PM CDT up reply actions
I barely made it through the mongol
puns
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Come on.
Don’t swine about it, just start the puns.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:16 PM CDT up reply actions
I don't have an ear for this sort of thing
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Nor do I.
I’ve stalked up on corn puns, and I’m no longer in the mood for growing them.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:21 PM CDT up reply actions
I hope Chazz doesn't come in
and hog all of the good ones.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
It's funny because he said he was fat.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:23 PM CDT up reply actions
I'm sorry, you did not phrase that in the form of a pun.
You are disqualified.
by Carfino'sWay on Jul 18, 2011 9:25 PM CDT up reply actions
ahh, shucks
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
by Lycurgus on Jul 18, 2011 9:25 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
You guys are just hating on my pun skills
because they are silky smooth.
But seriously, Ly and Catnuts, the Mongol line of puns was epic. Well done, sirs.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 18, 2011 9:47 PM CDT up reply actions
You always impress Chazz.
I was hoping you would take the pressure off of me. Catnuts killed the mongol stuff.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
I find pun contests to be mentally helpful.
Nothing will starch ya up like a pun contest.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 18, 2011 9:54 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
True Iowan's bring
pork chops, fat, juicy, suculent pork chops. Grilled with garlic and onions to perfection. On the side nice big ears of Iowa’s best sweet corn.
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 19, 2011 12:34 PM CDT up reply actions
And plenty of Busch Light
to wash it all down.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 20, 2011 1:31 AM CDT up reply actions
Other than the battlefield that sounds like Iowa.
Why don’t you just give me your address and Packer and I will come for a visit?
by Carfino'sWay on Jul 18, 2011 9:00 PM CDT up reply actions
BECAUSE I LIVE WITH MY PARENTS, MAN.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:02 PM CDT up reply actions
Parents love me.
I’m sure yours would be no different.
by Carfino'sWay on Jul 18, 2011 9:04 PM CDT up reply actions
Unless they hate free-staters
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Do you really think I wouldn't disown them if they did?
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:06 PM CDT up reply actions
In all seriousness
I was wondering about this: would most parents be more likely to accept “I met this girl on a dating site” than “She’s one of my blog buddies”?
I’m not sure.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:05 PM CDT up reply actions
If you tell them blog buddy then you might
have to admit how much time you spend on the blog
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
I’m just surprised I haven’t yet dreamed a dream involving me, blogging, and an appearance on Cops.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:13 PM CDT up reply actions
I had a blog dream the other day
it was messed up
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
I dreamed about my corn the other week.
That’s more messed up.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:15 PM CDT up reply actions
I have dreamed about my research plants
I dreamed that I was being tortured for the locations of arctic plant populations. I couldn’t tell them because I didn’t know, the plants are really hard to find.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Research plants?
Why are you in Lubbock if you’re involved with that? They can’t grow plants in West Texas! Only despair!
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:22 PM CDT up reply actions
Work is work
and planes fly north
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
You're not actually telling me they can grow stuff in West Texas?
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:23 PM CDT up reply actions
Cotton?
but I don’t need to grow things here to do work. I just need their tissues, so I can get their DNA and map their genes.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Huh, impressive.
Are you a wealthy man? Have you got any cash you can part with?
By the way, on a windy day north of Dallas, one of my relatives took a look a the dusty, brown wind, and said, “Lubbock’s blowin’ in.”
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:26 PM CDT up reply actions
I don't work on cotton, but it grows here
when it isn’t ovenlike. I study poplar trees and saxifrages.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
I still don't understand completely.
How do you survive there? Do they ship stuff, like, in space shuttles? Is there air there? Can you breath? What about drinking water? I know the water in Dallas tastes like sand, does the water in Lubbock have to be brought in via tanker? And are the tankers guarded by Texas Rangers, armed to the teeth to stop the awful renegades?
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:30 PM CDT up reply actions
Non-beef food is shipped in
from greener parts of the country. There is air, but is is gritty and hard for breathing. The water is alkali and greasy, which is perfect for the common-type varmint that lives out here. The renegades mostly concern themselves with New Mexico.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Ok.
How many subjects of Cops episodes are there per capita?
Do the cattle eat other cattle and rocks?
Are the jackrabbits larger than human beings?
Is it true that all Lubbockians are attracted physically to cockroaches?
Is it true that the snakes are the smartest creatures?
Is an average day on the roads around Lubbock like a viewing of the movie Duel?
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:37 PM CDT up reply actions
Aside from the cattle question
those are all very good questions.
by Carfino'sWay on Jul 18, 2011 9:39 PM CDT up reply actions
Ok.
1.) 5
2.) Cattle mainly eat the smallish children of the weak and infirm. Also, they enjoy ground-up Oklahoman.
3.) Jackrabbits are larger than tortoises, but slower than bears.
4.) No. Crabs seem to be the most popular here.
5.) Snakes are intelligent, but they frequently get rounded up for religious ceremonies and so they are endangered (and also surprisingly orthodox in their view of iconography in the church).
6.) I have only seen one showdown since I have been here and it was over an argument about which testicles were better tasting, ram or bull.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
by Lycurgus on Jul 18, 2011 9:47 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I was watching a little of Dateline NBC
last night, and became very depressed when they started interviewing an immigrant family in Texas that had to do migrant field work, and still owned a Texas ranch and a small house in Minnesota. (And a whole wheel definitely fell off their pickup when they were making the trek from Texas to MN).
Of course, those people probably don’t pay taxes, but I digress.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 18, 2011 9:51 PM CDT up reply actions
Not to get political
but if they buy things in Texas or Minnesota, they probably pay taxes
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Well, yes.
I guess I should say income tax?
All I know is, I am not sure if I should be depressed because a family of immigrants has passed me in terms land-ownership (without being well-educated), or if I should be enchanted by the sight a family pretty much living off the land.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 18, 2011 9:56 PM CDT up reply actions
More questions
What is the greatest Cops moment ever from Lubbock?
Are the cattle represented by the councils? I assume one is mayor.
Do the jackrabbits consume rocks too?
Nice burn. Would you refer to Lubbock as “The Clap Trap”?
Do snakes really taste like chicken?
Was Jackie Sherill involved with this testicle debate?
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:53 PM CDT up reply actions
More answers
1.) The “unlawful imprisonment” of Craig James’ mentally challenged son.
2.) They have formed a constitutional monarchy. However, the royal family serves a mainly ceremonial function like serving as the model for the butter cows at the Iowa State fair.
3.) Jackrabbits eat the wayward dreams of those who stumble into Lubbock and are confounded by the dust storms never to leave again.
4.) The Centers for Disease Control beat me to it.
5.) Chicken wrapped in bacon, chicon.
6.) No. It was Tommy Tubberville.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Final questions for now
Why haven’t the cannibals of Lubbock eaten Craig James?
Could you, if possible, document some of the laws enshrined in the constitution of the Lubbock cows?
Are most people headed to Lubbock really possessive of a mental capacity great enough to produce dreams?
Is there a better name than Spike Dykes?
Does the “Chancellor’s Spurs” trophy, in your opinion, rival some of the lamest trophies in America?
How much blubber could a Lubbocker eat if a Lubbocker could get off the couch?
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 10:21 PM CDT up reply actions
Final answers for now
1.) Craig James is protected by “Other Side of Pillow” ESPN private contracting firm.
2.) Cowgress shall make no law respecting an establishment of fence lines, or prohibiting the free exercise of cattle; or abridging the freedom of cattle to peaceably graze.
No pig, in time of harvest, can be quartered in any lot, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of slaughter.
3.) I’m saying that most people heading to Lubbock don’t intend to stay, but then a fog of consciousness confuses their purpose and they are stuck.
4.) Perhaps not.
5.) Yes
6.) The amount is equal to the amount of corn a SE Ohioan could eat if a SE Ohioan had teeth.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
by Lycurgus on Jul 19, 2011 8:23 AM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
How do you Pennsylvanians
have so many southern connections?
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Marriage.
I wasn’t around to condone that particular marriage. I guess I would have, since the husband wasn’t a secesh.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:31 PM CDT up reply actions
But please, what was this dream about?
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:15 PM CDT up reply actions
Vint was killed
and I was sailing a ship around an inland sea trying to find the people that did it to stop them and exact revenge.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Hmm.
Vint is Mush Morton, you are Dick O’Kane, the people are the Japanese, the inland sea is the Sea of Japan.
Right?
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:17 PM CDT up reply actions
I was thinking the Med
and we were living through the plot of Das Boot
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
I watched that movie once.
All I got was a headache.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:20 PM CDT up reply actions
That and I woke up to DESTROYER!
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:21 PM CDT up reply actions
Depth charges, nooooo!!!!
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
FUN FACT
There are actually no Amish in Adams County, which is surrounded by a vast sea teeming with Chakies.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:00 PM CDT up reply actions
There you go speaking Pennsylvanian again.
What is a Chakie?
by Carfino'sWay on Jul 18, 2011 9:01 PM CDT up reply actions
An Amishman, of course.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:02 PM CDT up reply actions
Also, every Chakie is named Stoltzfus.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:02 PM CDT up reply actions
Wait - that basically describes all of PA outside the large cities
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 19, 2011 10:55 AM CDT up reply actions
If you're willing to resort to post-mortem cannibalism,
why not just break into his garage and take the Shelby for a joyride?
You know, because this conversation is completely real and not sarcastic at all.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 18, 2011 9:05 PM CDT up reply actions
The Warhawk QB fixes the cable?
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Jul 18, 2011 9:48 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Da, he is expurt
"Sometimes the truth gets in the way of a good story" - KF
by The Bacon Explosion on Jul 18, 2011 10:08 AM CDT up reply actions
The Warhawks get Whiteys
and our guys only get DQ?
THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!
Sorry if I took a simple quip that was meant as a rebuke for a single-minded poster and turned it into a completely uninteresting and inconsequential tangent.
-McCann't
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Jul 18, 2011 9:48 AM CDT reply actions
Whitey's?
I always thought Bloodpunch sent them home with a bag of shit burgers.
by RH's Bookie on Jul 18, 2011 9:54 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
The extra 5 grand is because they need to supply thier own body bags.
It's so sad how a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.
by FiveSecondRuleChef on Jul 18, 2011 10:05 AM CDT reply actions 2 recs
I really liked this comment,
but I’m in a bit of a dark mood right now, so…
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 18, 2011 9:09 PM CDT up reply actions
To be optomistic
Or to look on the brighter side of things, we’re helping out ULM. In his book Hayden always talked about how he appreciated when bigger (now “BCS”) schools would play North Texas because it not only gave them much needed money for their program but also gave them an opportunity to play against better competition. So if there’s a bright side to this whole thing it’s that hey…think of all those new facilities ULM can build now because of us.
I'll just put COMING SOON down here.
i think that's the point, which is all well and good
it’s just when you start front loading the schedule with these and only these kind of games that i think we can rightfully criticize big programs for. we’d like to think of ourselves as on the cusp of being a big program, we probably could act like it a bit more. arizona and pitt are good gets, surely we can find more like that.
Toby: We are writing a very important Thanksgiving proclamation.
Sam: And possibly a new action-adventure series.
think of all those new facilities ULM can build now because of us.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 18, 2011 9:18 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
Compare to LSU:
Also, I always find it ironic how “rednecks” still don’t understand that their ancestors, the poor “crackers” of the South (That term “crackers”, believe it or not, was popularized by the Southern aristocrats), were fighting for a Confederacy that was oppressing them too. But whatever. It’s too late to stop it now.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:20 PM CDT up reply actions
I was told that Cracker was a term used to identify Floridian cowboys.
It was taken from the crack of their whip.
by Carfino'sWay on Jul 18, 2011 9:22 PM CDT up reply actions
Whoever told you that was probably a secesh.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:22 PM CDT up reply actions
No, he was a Northern.
He was from Ohio.
by Carfino'sWay on Jul 18, 2011 9:26 PM CDT up reply actions
Someone's never heard of John Pemberton.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:27 PM CDT up reply actions
Or, apparently, BSD Mike.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:27 PM CDT up reply actions
You know, I keep reading about how we lost to UNI in 2009
but my obviously failing memory and the records I found online say that we won that game.
Weird, huh?
by DrHenryKillinger on Jul 18, 2011 11:53 AM CDT reply actions
Don't worry about it, same kind of thing happens to me all the time.
Like… I think I remember us playing in the Orange Bowl, but I can’t remember who we played in it.
Plus, all these sports reporters are saying we lost the last three games last year, but I only remember TWO teams beating us, Northwestern and Minnesota.
AND WHO THE HELL WERE THE 2004 NATIONAL CHAMPS?! Because I seem to remember it being USC, but I’ve since found out that was not the case.
by 99FormationsButFourWideAin'tOne on Jul 18, 2011 12:41 PM CDT up reply actions
After nine months coked up werewolf will take whatever shit you got
by TiltingAtDrewTateWindmills on Jul 18, 2011 12:26 PM CDT reply actions
some of these handles....
All these new run-on handles remind me of this
http://www.marriedtothesea.com/050911/straight-to-the-pawn-shop.gif
Toby: We are writing a very important Thanksgiving proclamation.
Sam: And possibly a new action-adventure series.
by sailorjerry on Jul 18, 2011 1:50 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Really?
Cause I usually associate hipsters with an arbitrary, snidely judgmental attitude towards people who are perceived to be new to their niche ‘scene.’
by TiltingAtDrewTateWindmills on Jul 18, 2011 2:07 PM CDT up reply actions
I've been trying to change my name for 3 years
Anybody know how, without setting up a new email and account?
You got no fear of the underdog; That's why you will not survive!
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Jul 18, 2011 2:33 PM CDT up reply actions
Ask Bloodpunch's Barbasol.
I think somebody said you can just contact the SBN admins and they can do it for you.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 2:45 PM CDT up reply actions
Yes I just created a new account
I didn’t want to wait the week i was told to have my name changed by the SBN mods.
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 18, 2011 3:29 PM CDT up reply actions
I want to change my name to something that will command respect and fear.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Jerry Genome Scientician
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
-- I eat a lot of stuff -- WaterlooChazz
by Blackheartnopants on Jul 18, 2011 4:29 PM CDT up reply actions
RossWB already taken
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:30 PM CDT up reply actions
I thought of that, but he still catches too much shit.
Maybe it could be: Gable’s Unfinished Business
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Nah. That would be shortened to "GUB" too quickly
Not very intimidating, that.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:59 PM CDT up reply actions
Brands' Bloody Pitchfork
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Ooh. Getting closer
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 5:23 PM CDT up reply actions
Wavy McIlGravy
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Getting colder.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 6:09 PM CDT up reply actions
Hail Cthlewboo
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Dick Bohnstihl?
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
-- I eat a lot of stuff -- WaterlooChazz
by Blackheartnopants on Jul 18, 2011 6:13 PM CDT up reply actions
I love this.
But only because I have an irrational love for Lincoln McIlravy.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 8:50 PM CDT up reply actions
“Do you have any go-to movies?”
“I have seven. [chuckles, looks at coach or teammate off-camera, smiles]”
“Do you want to share maybe a few?”
“Naw, you’ll see ’em.”
He was almost enough to make me an Iowa wrestling fan. Almost.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 8:51 PM CDT up reply actions
I screwed that all up.
moves
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 8:52 PM CDT up reply actions
Good because I was trying to think of his
go to movies
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
The greatest hits of Jean Claude Van-Damme
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 8:54 PM CDT up reply actions
I sadly still pepper in Encino Man quotes
“Shoo fly, don’t bother me, cuz you belong to my friend Link”
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 8:56 PM CDT up reply actions
Probably all James Cagney films.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 8:54 PM CDT up reply actions
Vision Quest?
Sands of Iwo Jima
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Sands of Iwo Jima, sure.
But no one SWAGs like Cagney.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 8:56 PM CDT up reply actions
Terms of Endearment.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 18, 2011 9:26 PM CDT up reply actions
He's so tough he can watch it w/o crying.
Even when her son cries at the end. That part gets me every time.
by Carfino'sWay on Jul 18, 2011 9:27 PM CDT up reply actions
Beaches!!
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 19, 2011 12:46 PM CDT up reply actions
Sorry, not getting closer
everybody knows Brands uses his own hands.
It never gets to be easy.
Why the fuck doesn't it ever get to be easy?
by chitownhawkeye on Jul 18, 2011 6:38 PM CDT up reply actions
Here is a name for you
Norm’s 6 seconds of bendnotbreak hell
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 19, 2011 12:45 PM CDT up reply actions
Yes, you can change it
I changed mine from one completely unoriginal name to another completely unoriginal name by e-mailing the SBN admins.
We're gonna go America all over their asses!
Zing.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Jul 18, 2011 3:14 PM CDT up reply actions
Indeed.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 3:18 PM CDT up reply actions
lighten up francis. just trying to point out some things on the internet that i think are funny
Sorry dude, but you’re not the only one with a long name, don’t get you panties in a twist. If I wanted to be hipster I’d tell you that getting all personal and defensive won’t get you real far around here. Relax.
Toby: We are writing a very important Thanksgiving proclamation.
Sam: And possibly a new action-adventure series.
What is a hipster? and will $500 of steam punk jewelry and skinny jeans help me become one?
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
i think its some sort of lactose free soy based drink
they usually have it at trader joes, does your neighborhood have one of those?
Toby: We are writing a very important Thanksgiving proclamation.
Sam: And possibly a new action-adventure series.
I live in Lubbock, TX
The only Trader Joe around here trades armadillo hides for homemade sage jam.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Hmm.
Is this sage jam any good?
Ya know they murdered Mike
And tried to blame it on JoePa
He turned the power to the have-nots
And then came the SHOT!
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 4:22 PM CDT up reply actions
Tastes like burning
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
My 11 year old son keeps saying that over and over and over
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 18, 2011 5:03 PM CDT up reply actions
Sage honey is my favorite of the specialty honeys.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:31 PM CDT up reply actions
There are specialty honeys?
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Yes. Ask a yuppie (like me!)
It is truly unfortunate that I can be so easily pinpointed by stuffwhitepeoplelike.com
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:35 PM CDT up reply actions
Eh, now I know who to ask when I am thinking about an options
package for a new Subaru
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
We've evolved to electric car lust.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:39 PM CDT up reply actions
Though the Subaru would be a better option
to get to my favorite specialty honey retailer
It’s on the way to the gravel mountainous fire roads we take to hike to the largest Condor preserve in California. Still have never seen a fucking condor despite dozens of trips…
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:47 PM CDT up reply actions
Specialty honey still cracks me up
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
As it does I.
Still won’t stop me from picking some up. They have a sweet tasting room at that place.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:52 PM CDT up reply actions
Is a North Face dress code strictly enforced?
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
North Face is far too corporate
when shopping at your local organic grower
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:58 PM CDT up reply actions
Helly Hanson? or 66 North
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
I am running well past my yuppie knowledge
I don’t know shit about clothes. I own literally two pairs of jeans, not a single hat, and only two pairs of non-work/non-athletic shoes.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 5:01 PM CDT up reply actions
Wait a minute
Isn’t this SBN business too corporate for you?
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 5:02 PM CDT up reply actions
Says Mr. RATM
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 5:04 PM CDT up reply actions
Please.
I’m the guy who nearly started a fight over Howard Zinn because I don’t like his stuff.
Now ask yourself: would anyone who doesn’t like Zinn like the whiny singer guy from RATM?
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 5:05 PM CDT up reply actions
You'd better not be dissin' RATM
I’ll have to hop in my sled and come over to your ’hood looking for you.
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 18, 2011 5:18 PM CDT up reply actions
I'd be afraid
But if you really like RATM, I know you’re just a skinny white person – much like me. Only I have rural fighting skills.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 8:53 PM CDT up reply actions
So sad. My closet is packed with The North Face, Patagonia, Kuhl
My REI dividend every year is FUCKING AWESOME.
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 18, 2011 5:16 PM CDT up reply actions
In fact, I'm wearing North Face zipoff leg hiking pants/shorts @ work now.
The only way I could go fruittier and nuttier/Californiay would be to have a pair of my Chaco Z2 sandals on (yes, I have black toe socks to wear with those and I have worn them to work.
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 18, 2011 5:17 PM CDT up reply actions
Overshare.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Jul 18, 2011 7:04 PM CDT up reply actions
Nothing wrong with that
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
What does a
“sweet tasting room” taste like? I would imagine it tasting like paint chips or maybe some wood.
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 19, 2011 12:49 PM CDT up reply actions
don't make fun of my puns!
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 19, 2011 1:33 PM CDT up reply actions
Oh is that what that was
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 19, 2011 2:14 PM CDT up reply actions
Hiking a mountain to see condors that you never see, and you stop to buy specialty honey?
This is the worst Rick Steves episode, ever.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 18, 2011 9:33 PM CDT up reply actions
Ugh, I don't like that guy.
His show always makes me sleepy for some reason (I guess ‘cause he’s boring?), but I can’t sleep because he won’t stop talking. How is that fair?
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 9:35 PM CDT up reply actions
I actually tolerate his shows about Europe.
Mostly because some of them are about places I’ll never visit.
Educational TV, FTW!
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 18, 2011 9:45 PM CDT up reply actions
Do you get locally produced honey?
We do. It is supposed to be good for allergy symptoms.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
-- I eat a lot of stuff -- WaterlooChazz
by Blackheartnopants on Jul 18, 2011 4:46 PM CDT up reply actions
So are hookworms, apparently
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Lycurgus listens to NPR...
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:47 PM CDT up reply actions
Sadly, I can only say I used to
One of the great deprivations of West Texas is that NPR has no programming other than classical music.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
boo West Texas boo
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 8:00 PM CDT up reply actions
Actually, I think I saw this on PBS
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Ah. I don't have a TV.
/walking the fine line between yuppie and hipster
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:53 PM CDT up reply actions
Hipsters like to ironically watch bad television, bro.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Jul 18, 2011 7:05 PM CDT up reply actions
I don't believe any of that kind of stuff
but yes, yes we do.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:48 PM CDT up reply actions
I don't know that it does
But it is money spent locally, not money given to Honey/Lead Consortium Intn’l of Harbin, China.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
-- I eat a lot of stuff -- WaterlooChazz
by Blackheartnopants on Jul 18, 2011 4:53 PM CDT up reply actions
Ditto.
I buy directly from the owner of the bees at the place I linked to above, and I can see his very bees working in the mountains when hiking that trail.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:55 PM CDT up reply actions
"I can see his very bees working in the mountains when hiking that trail."
TWSS
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Jul 18, 2011 7:07 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
I'll turn that green
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 19, 2011 11:00 AM CDT up reply actions
It's true!
Even distilled Wal-Mart type honey is excellent lip balm, for instance. If the distilled stuff is still good medicine, I’m sure the unrefined, buttery honey is great.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 5:03 PM CDT up reply actions
You might be a hipster if....
You got lots of kittens at Street Boners.
Or if you look at the website Street Boners.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Jul 18, 2011 4:22 PM CDT up reply actions
Irony: Getting upset at a good retort from your own slightly dickish comment.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:32 PM CDT up reply actions
The mandolin player from the band I like that you've never heard of makes a better soy iced latte
than the autoharp player from the band you like that I’ve never heard of.
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Jul 18, 2011 4:49 PM CDT up reply actions
I prefer the dobro, heathen
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
I'm currently mastering a New Zealand Highlander instrument so obscure you can't pronounce its name with your heathen American tongue.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 4:54 PM CDT up reply actions
inuit throat-singing is a much purer musical form
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Ehh. All of today's throat-singers just throat-sync when live.
You got no fear of the underdog; That's why you will not survive!
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Jul 18, 2011 4:59 PM CDT up reply actions
Mongols are the best.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 5:03 PM CDT up reply actions
Want to improve your brain?
Learn to play an instrument that you already play by switching hands.
Wait… that’s sounds horribly wrong.
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 18, 2011 5:05 PM CDT up reply actions
My favorite band is Slaughterhouse-Dive
they just sing Vonnegut prose to instrumentals.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
My favorite band is the Dubliners, circa 1970.
They’re all drunk and Irish.
And that is true.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 5:09 PM CDT up reply actions
I just downloaded some Creed and the Foo Fighters release from April
Finally, some Foo Fighters that sounds a LOT closer to their earlier albums.
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 18, 2011 5:18 PM CDT up reply actions
It sounds like we may have mutually exclusive CD collections
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 5:19 PM CDT up reply actions
Really? What do you like?
Mine is rather bizarre – I’ve been playing guitar for 35 years, dabbled in a couple of garage bands but I’m most a jazz/jazz fusion player. Yet I don’t have that much jazz in my music collection; most of it is rock, although I skew towards instrumental/prog rock bands.
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 19, 2011 10:58 AM CDT up reply actions
Creed-free zone, bro.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Jul 18, 2011 7:10 PM CDT up reply actions
I would have pegged you for a polka man
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Oh man. No way.
Unless its Weird Al.
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 19, 2011 10:58 AM CDT up reply actions
You don't think Rambler would be into polka
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Oh Rambler? For sure.
When these threads get long with the current software its hard to tell who is replying to whom.
Actually, I’ll bet Rambler is a death metal guy. He seems to be filled with contradictions…
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 19, 2011 11:06 AM CDT up reply actions
Amish death metal
It is all about accidents that can befall a person during a barn raising
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
Whole lives shaped by a terrible barn accident
What a way to live!
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 19, 2011 11:14 AM CDT up reply actions
Does Merle Haggard count as death metal?
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 19, 2011 12:02 PM CDT up reply actions
Only for Fightin' Side of Me
and Hungry Eyes.
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
William Sherman...
He’s One more reason
For my Mama’s hungry eyes
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 19, 2011 12:17 PM CDT up reply actions
I only recognize one Hungry Eyes
and that, kind sirs, is sang by one Eric Carmen on the Dirty Dancing soundtrack or in the movie.
by Carfino'sWay on Jul 19, 2011 1:29 PM CDT up reply actions
I have to shoot you for this.
"Choosing Penn State over Stanford, my god!!" - rumple
by ReadingRambler on Jul 19, 2011 8:32 PM CDT up reply actions
If you play it LOUD ENOUGH
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 19, 2011 1:34 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I have herd they are a steppe above the North Americans
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
I don't think the Genghis gonna come up
with enough Mongol jokes to sustain this one.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 6:14 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I think we khan manage
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
You're not the Qing of my peoples.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 6:53 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Yurt not giving me much to work with
I think a kublai more posts and we will have it though
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
by Lycurgus on Jul 18, 2011 7:02 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Gobi cute somewhere else
This is serious business, Manchuria
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 7:55 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
If you horde all the good puns
there won’t be any left for me
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
I don't Karakorum
Yuan your kind can take it and like it.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 8:03 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I nomad at you.
Why you mad at me?
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 8:15 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I was really russian with that last post
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
I am runnning out of Mongol puns
It’s very hard to come up with ones for the only other things I can think of: horse archery, Zanzabar, Ulanbaatal, Ulan Bator, Naadam, morin khur (all of these are subject to huge spelling errors).
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 8:43 PM CDT up reply actions
I know what you mean
I have become rather Timurous with these last few puns
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
I heard of both bands before you guys did.
I have all their demos and live bootlegs.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
-- I eat a lot of stuff -- WaterlooChazz
by Blackheartnopants on Jul 18, 2011 4:56 PM CDT up reply actions
but they suck now
"To bottomless perdition, there to dwell, in adamantine chains and penal fire" -Milton
They sucked when they stopped selling tapes and CDs out of the touring van
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
-- I eat a lot of stuff -- WaterlooChazz
by Blackheartnopants on Jul 18, 2011 5:00 PM CDT up reply actions
That band sucks.
I only respect those who listen to the Red Army Choir.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 5:04 PM CDT up reply actions
Ricky Skaggs is awesome and I have heard of Kentucky Thunder.
Scratch where it itches.
by ReadingRambler on Jul 18, 2011 5:08 PM CDT up reply actions
I can't believe you like
secesh music. Ricky Skaggs, Merle Haggard! You call yourself a Union man? Yankee Doodle and the Battle Hymn of the Republic for me thank you very much.
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 19, 2011 12:57 PM CDT up reply actions
Please.
Your ignorance appalls me.
Ricky Skaggs is from Kentucky, which did not join the Confederacy (“Until after the war” is how the joke goes). More importantly, he’s from Eastern Kentucky, which remained staunchly Unionist during the war.
Merle Haggard is from Bakersfield. His parents were from Oklahoma. His ancestors may have been Dixies, he is not.
Neither singer is close to secesh music. The fact is that the leaders behind secession would hate music like Hag and Skaggs because that music represents the country soul of the middle class and poor whites of the midlands and South – the same people who were almost entirely disenfranchised, used as pawns really, by the aristocrats.
But what really matters is that Merle Haggard kills and Ricky Skaggs is right in that bluegrass rules
"Choosing Penn State over Stanford, my god!!" - rumple
by ReadingRambler on Jul 19, 2011 8:34 PM CDT up reply actions
Whatever Rambler.
Bluegrass and Country, no matter how you want to spin it, is from the South. The Sesech South. A person doesn’t become degenerate gambler all at once, it is a slow baby step process, just like the baby steps you are taking to becoming a Sesech.
You saying things like this is like firing the first shot at Sumnter.
/Dissapointed’d in a Unionist crossing over
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 20, 2011 9:10 AM CDT up reply actions
The key to that phrase
is that both of the band members of bands that I’ve never heard of make soy iced lattes in able to actually be paid.
Which is why I’ll never be a hipster.
It never gets to be easy.
Why the fuck doesn't it ever get to be easy?
by chitownhawkeye on Jul 18, 2011 6:46 PM CDT up reply actions
haha, ok man. whatever you say.
no one ever hinted at an internet joke or cartoon that spawned an off-topic subthread before. his name was long. today is monday. it’s hot. just take a deep breath, it’ll get better.
Toby: We are writing a very important Thanksgiving proclamation.
Sam: And possibly a new action-adventure series.
I was saying you both had good jokes.
Whatever, I guess.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 5:42 PM CDT up reply actions
Someone told me....
BHGP is like prison. You gotta fuck with someone in the first month or you become a tradeable commodity worth anywhere from a pack to a carton of cigarettes depending on how smooth your skin is.
So it wasn’t anything personal, it’s just that I work in an office and haven’t done a hard day’s worth of real work in my life. I really don’t want to have to “earn” the carton of GPCs Ross paid for me.
by TiltingAtDrewTateWindmills on Jul 18, 2011 6:05 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
It rubs the lotion on it's skin
or else it gets the hose again
It never gets to be easy.
Why the fuck doesn't it ever get to be easy?
by chitownhawkeye on Jul 18, 2011 6:48 PM CDT up reply actions
You're supposed to fuck with the baddest mother in the place
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 6:54 PM CDT up reply actions
Just gotta keep a pillowcase full of soda cans ready at all times.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Jul 18, 2011 7:12 PM CDT up reply actions
I have an old sock filled with Matchbox cars.
Will that work?
"Oh, glorious cheeseburger, we bow to thee. The secrets of the Universe are between the buns."
by Bucketochicken on Jul 18, 2011 7:56 PM CDT up reply actions
YES
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 7:58 PM CDT up reply actions
Ah, old Sean Penn reference
Wasn’t the movie “Bad Boys” or something like that? Two dudes rape his GF, he ends up in prison with ’em, and at the end is about ready to kill one of them with a sharpened screwdriver and stops?
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 19, 2011 11:16 AM CDT up reply actions
Something like that.
The soda can scene is pretty memorable.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Jul 19, 2011 4:33 PM CDT up reply actions
I remember little of the movie
But man, the way in which Penn clocked the two guys – it was brutal and totally believable.
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 20, 2011 2:24 PM CDT up reply actions
Just watchout for the "Sisters"
They will jump ya while you leave the movie!
/shawshank’d
All my good friends at BHGP helpled pick this most awesome name!
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
by Bloodpunch's Barbasol on Jul 19, 2011 1:00 PM CDT up reply actions
Shouldn't they be paying us?
I mean, my happy ass doesn’t get into Kinnick for free – why should those rug munchers at Louisiana-Monroe be any different?
Ma'am, you're dealing here with a fully qualified male strumpet. I service the entire Quad Cities area: Moline, Rock Island, Davenport and Bettendorf. Why don't you give it a whirl? What have you got to lose? - Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute
by tigerhawk00 on Jul 18, 2011 2:32 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Because they get paid to take an ass-whooping,
and you pay to watch. Like boxing jobbers or professional wrestling heels. Or lawyers.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Jul 18, 2011 2:48 PM CDT up reply actions
Because they take the ass whipping sans lube.
For those of us heading into Kinnick, lube is optional.
"No I'm not going to 'limber up'. You ever see a lion stretching before it takes down a gazelle?"
Not sure about that.
Arkansas State didn’t take much of a whoopin’. They prit neer whooped us.
There's something about orange soda that is deeply satisfying.
by Loosemeatsammich on Jul 18, 2011 6:13 PM CDT up reply actions
I feel like we should only play one really shitty team per year.
In my opinion, we don’t have to replace the UL-Monroe spot with some high-BCS juggernaut, but I’d like to see us play a mid-level D1 team (an OK MAC team, or a decent SunBelt team, or maybe someone slightly decent from the MWC or WAC?)
Also, I’d prefer that when we play an FCS team that isn’t UNI, then it should be a good FCS team or someone who will actually help us in recruiting. Why play TennTech? Play some California school or Texas school from the FCS.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
Its much more satisfying to crush a good team than to run up 80 points on a directional school
Look at Wisconsin last year. They beat the hell out of some bad teams (as they should have) and then get to their bowl game – and tank against a team they should have beaten easily based on their record and personnel. Tough games are riskier to the W/L column, but people tend to remember your season based on how you did in your “last” game, which if you go bowling is that game.
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Jul 19, 2011 11:05 AM CDT up reply actions
But I'm not sure we'll often crush a good team.
That Syracuse series was harder than it should have been for Iowa. At best, we’ll split with Pitt. We split with Arizona and Ariz State. Hell, even playing decent MAC teams seems to be difficult at times for Iowa (Western Mich, Miami OH, NIU).
When we do play an FCS team, I’d prefer it to be a usually-strong one like Montana or UNI, and not EIU or Maine (although, I think Maine made the FCS playoffs the year Iowa played them).
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Jul 20, 2011 1:44 AM CDT up reply actions
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