A Special Message From Eight Ball The Tiger About The Big Ten-ACC Challenge

HEY GUYS HEY GUYS IT'S YOUR OLD PAL EIGHT BALL AND I JUST HEARD THE NEWS AND I AM SO EXCITED I WAS JUST EATING LICORICE AND IT WAS SUPER ROPES AND NOT THAT FANCYPANTS TWIZZLERS BULLSHIT AND IT WAS SO GOOD YOU HAVEN'T REALLY LIVED UNTIL YOU'VE HANGED FROM THE BACK OF YOUR BATHROOM DOOR IN A SUPER ROPES NOOSE AND DONE THE FIVE FINGERED KNUCKLE SHUFFLE AND HOLY SHIT I ONLY HAVE FOUR FINGERS AND WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT AND WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT --

OH YEAH SO I HEARD FROM A LITTLE BIRDY AND THAT'S WHAT I CALL BRAD BECAUSE HE HOOKS ME UP BUT HE TOLD ME TO STOP USING HIS REAL NAME AFTER HE HAD TO GO TO THE PEN WHEN HE GOT PINCHED WITH A DUFFEL BAG FULL OF YAYO BECAUSE APPARENTLY THAT'S LIKE "INTENT TO DISTRIBUTE" OR SOME SHIT I MEAN BRAD AND ME JUST CALL THAT A THREE-DAY WEEKEND AND OOPS I FORGOT TO NOT SAY HIS NAME BUT ANYWAY IT'S COOL. SO BRAD SAID CLEMSON WAS PLAYING IOWA IN THE CHALLENGE AND I WAS LIKE FUCK YEAH I LOVE POTATOES ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HOLLOW THEM OUT AND STICK A PIPE IN THERE BUT HE LIKE WAS NO MAN IOWA'S ALL ABOUT CORN OR SOMETHING AND I DON'T LIKE CORN BECAUSE IT GIVES ME THE SHITS BUT THEN I WAS LIKE IOWA THEY'RE THE HAWKS RIGHT AND I'VE NEVER EATEN A HAWK THEY'RE KINDA BIG AND THE BIGGEST BIRD I'VE EVER EATEN WAS A PELICAN THAT ME AND BRAD HIT WHEN WE WERE AIR-BOATING THROUGH THE 'GLADES AND IT DIDN'T TASTE LIKE CHICKEN WHOEVER SAID THAT IS A FUCKING LIAR IT WAS SO GREASY I WAS ON THE SHITTER ALL NIGHT.

SO ANYWAY I'M PRETTY PUMPED AND HOLY SHIT THE GAME ISN'T UNTIL LIKE DECEMBER HOLY FUCK THAT'S SO FAR AWAY AND IN THE FUTURE AND DO YOU THINK WE'LL HAVE FLYING CARS BY THEN I BET WE WILL AND ME AND BRAD ARE GONNA DRIVE HIS FLYING CAR TO IOWA WAIT I MEAN DO YOU EVEN DRIVE A FLYING CAR OR DO YOU LIKE PILOT IT OR SOME SHIT GODDAMN THIS IS FUCKING CONFUSING BUT ANYWAY WE'LL BE THERE AND I PROMISE WE'LL BRING THE PARTY POWDER BECAUSE I KNOW YOU FARM-DICKS DON'T HAVE ANY GOOD SHIT BUT YOU GUYS CAN STILL SHOW ME AND BRAD A GOOD TIME RIGHT?

(Eight Ball the Tiger appears courtesy of our friends at EDSBS, where they would like to remind you: Fuck Clemson.)

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