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Around SBN: This Week In GIFs

To Catch A Predator, Part Two

Tcaptitle_medium

Stone_phillips_medium Good evening. I'm Stone Phillips, with Dateline NBC.

Stone_phillips_medium Yesterday, we brought you the harrowing tale of Danny Hope, a 52-year-old teacher of football, who tried to recruit our 15-year-old decoy, "Brian Allen."

Stone_phillips_medium There are more targets of this investigation, however, and here's Chris Hansen with To Catch A Predator with more.

Chris_hansen_medium You've seen our investigations of child predators before, but never quite like this.
Chris_hansen_medium Never before have we caught so many creepy predators.
Chris_hansen_medium Never before have the predators we caught been so famous.
Chris_hansen_medium After our last operation, our friends at Perverted Justice decided we needed a slightly different scenario to avoid potential predators discovering our operation.  
Chris_hansen_medium So here is what they did: They created a fifteen year-old football recruit named "Brian Allen."  Brian is supposed to be a 6'1" 250 pound offensive lineman.  He's actually being played by one of our Perverted Justice decoys.  To make him as tempting as possible to predators, we gave him a scholarship offer from Iowa.  Our decoy made a couple of posts on Rivals message boards to see who would respond.

Chris_hansen_medium Our next predator is a man named Bret Bielema, from Madison, Wisconsin.

Chris_hansen_medium He goes by  the screen name "you_look_good_bb," and he seemed to be particularly interested in our decoy recruit.

Chris_hansen_medium Here's just part of his disturbing conversation with our decoy.

"do u play vrsity yet"
"nope, just freshman fb"
"oh man, just a freshman, i bet there's barely any grass on that field"
"r u still talking about fb"
"maybe ;-)"

Chris_hansen_medium He also asked if our decoy wanted to "jump around for a few minutes on the weekend," and asked if our decoy wanted to see his tattoo, before sending him the following picture.

Brettattoo_medium

Chris_hansen_medium After just three hours of chatting with who he thought was a 15-year-old recruit, Bielema was on the road and ready to meet our decoy. Our crew and NCAA compliance officers were here at the house, waiting.

Star-divide

Iconbielema_medium /drives up in bright red Chevy Avalanche, one of those asshole trucks that tries to be an SUV and pickup truck at the same time because who knows why

Brian_allen_icon_medium Hey, come on in!

Iconbielema_medium Whoo!

Brian_allen_icon_medium I made some lemonade, you should try it, it's really good!

Iconbielema_medium No thanks, got my own stuff.

Brian_allen_icon_medium K, I'm just gonna dry my hair, I just got out of the shower, I'll be there in a minute.

Chris_hansen_medium You are quite the piece of work, Mr. Bielema.

Iconbielema_medium Oh, thank you. You must be Mr. Allen. Your son is--

Chris_hansen_medium Why do you think that?

Iconbielema_medium Well, I just... who are you, then?

Chris_hansen_medium We'll get to that in a minute.

Iconbielema_medium You NCAA?

Chris_hansen_medium I am not. Let's just talk about you and Brian for a second. Just have a seat right there.

Tcap_bielema_medium

Chris_hansen_medium How old did Brian tell you he was?

Iconbielema_medium He didn't say.

Chris_hansen_medium Didn't say?!

Iconbielema_medium Didn't say.

Chris_hansen_medium Well, I've got the transcript right here, and it sure looks like he told you he was just 15.

Chris_hansen_medium And it sure looks like you were excited to see that he was just a freshman.

Iconbielema_medium I shoulda known this was [BLEEP]. I shoulda known Iowa wouldn't offer a 15-year-old.

Chris_hansen_medium Yes, let's talk about Iowa. You told Brian, "I wasn't going to contact you, but I saw you had an Iowa offer and I just had to have you."

Iconbielema_medium Yessir.

Chris_hansen_medium "Had to have you"? This is a 15-year-old boy.

Iconbielema_medium See, but if he says Iowa offered him, then--

Chris_hansen_medium What is the deal with Iowa, Bret?

Iconbielema_medium I just like how rough and tough they are, they fit my idea of how I want my boys to play.

Chris_hansen_medium So this jumping around, what's that about? I have to tell you, it sounds pretty suggestive, Bret.

Iconbielema_medium It's just something our students do before the fourth quarter of our home football games.

Chris_hansen_medium "Just something they do."

Iconbielema_medium Yessir.

Chris_hansen_medium So if college kids do it, a 15-year-old boy should too?

Iconbielema_medium No, I... I didn't say that.

Chris_hansen_medium Now, you even went so far as to offer Brian alcohol and company of women if he comes to Wisconsin!

Iconbielema_medium And?

Chris_hansen_medium You offer that to every 15-year-old boy, Bret?

Iconbielema_medium No, of course not, I just wanted Brian to know what kind of special treatment he would get with me.

Chris_hansen_medium "Special treatment"?

Iconbielema_medium You said you weren't NCAA.

Chris_hansen_medium I'm not.

Iconbielema_medium Who are you?

Chris_hansen_medium In a minute.

Chris_hansen_medium Let's talk about the alcohol, Bret. You somehow brought nine cases of Bud Light with you today. That is 216 cans of beer. What were you planning on doing here?

Iconbielema_medium This is all for me.

Chris_hansen_medium All for... oh, right, you're from Wisconsin. I actually believe you on that one. OK. And the sex with women you offered to Brian? This picture of the "hottest coed in Wisconsin"?

Tabetha_medium

Iconbielema_medium That's Tabetha. She's DTF. It's cool.

Chris_hansen_medium I assume that's what the alcohol is for, to get Brian in bed with someone like this.

Iconbielema_medium Maybe, yeah.

Chris_hansen_medium So lemme ask you this, Bret. What if we weren't here? What if Brian was here all by himself? What were you going to do?

Iconbielema_medium I was going to... just talk to him and tell him that there are a lot of unscrupulous coaches out there, so he should be careful.

Chris_hansen_medium Bret.

Iconbielema_medium It's true!

Chris_hansen_medium Let's tell the truth, now. You told him you want him, you brought the beer, I'm guessing you're carrying condoms...

Iconbielema_medium /shrugs

Iconbielema_medium I always carry condoms.

Chris_hansen_medium So if we weren't here, Bret...

Chris_hansen_medium ...you were going to try to recruit him, weren't you?

Iconbielema_medium Look, you don't know how hard it is for coaches today. We have to start talking to these kids when they're younger and younger, or else they won't even acknowledge our existence anymore, and then that means we're too old and we're out of a job.

Chris_hansen_medium I see. Well, there's something I need to tell you. I'm Chris Hansen, with Dateline NBC, and I'm doing a piece for Dateline NBC on online predators like you. So unless you have something else to say to our cameras, you're free to go.

Iconbielema_medium Fine. NBC? You listening? Here you go. Caring about recruiting is creepy. I'm out.

Iconbielema_medium /leaves

Chris_hansen_medium [voiceover] Little does Bret know that our NCAA compliance officers are in position outside.

Swat_team_medium

Swat_team_icon_medium FREEZE! Compliance officers! Down on the ground!

Iconbielema_medium He said he wasn't NCAA!

Swat_team_icon_medium Down on the ground!

Iconbielema_medium This is bullshit!

Swat_team_icon_medium /fires NCAA secondary violation taser

Iconbielema_medium Ha, that tickles. Is that supposed to hurt?

Swat_team_icon_medium Wait, our secondary violation penalties don't hurt?

Iconbielema_medium Ummm

Iconbielema_medium I mean

Iconbielema_medium OWWWWWW oh god I'll never do this again what severe and blinding pain you're causing me, you courageous compliance officers

Swat_team_icon_medium Yeah, awesome!

Chris_hansen_medium When we return, our most violent-tempered target barks at our compliance officers, then bites off more than he can chew.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Comment 46 comments  |  7 recs  | 

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Wow, scandalous!

Catching Bielema with Bud Light? This will not sit well with the natives.

"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."

by SomeJerkPoster on May 13, 2011 1:12 PM CDT reply actions  

Then should it be Busch Light?

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on May 13, 2011 6:33 PM CDT up reply actions   1 recs

That was the craziest thing about the NIU game at Soldier Field

There were Miller vendors every two feet and walking around the seating areas all game long. Getting a Miller product at that game was about as easy as getting Herpes at a Madison bar. Miller is the official beer sponsor of the stadium and ordinarily the only thing sold inside.

You had to try pretty hard to get a Busch product, and almost every Iowan at the game did. Lines were absolutely ridiculous. To my knowledge they didn’t have any beer guys walking around the seating areas selling Bud products. It was a major pain in the ass.

Given the insane waiting times for Bud, one of the most boring games I can remember being at, the fact that it was a beautiful, warm (almost hot) day, and I needed another beer, I finally gave-in and got an MGD. Yuck!

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt

by HawKCP on May 13, 2011 7:14 PM CDT up reply actions  

I actually like MGD.

But then, I’ll also drink the High Life at times.

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on May 13, 2011 9:05 PM CDT up reply actions  

I was thinking

Old Milwaukee Best

You'll figure out what to do, for god's sake your The Boat! - JD Scrubs

by smokinthereiff on May 14, 2011 1:07 AM CDT up reply actions  

Macrobrews I like

1. Old Style
2. High Life
.
.
.
87. MGD

"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."

by SomeJerkPoster on May 14, 2011 1:08 AM CDT up reply actions  

its been 17 years since i had a beer

but what happened to Old Style
my relatives in Ferryville
ok my former relatives
who else do you know that would attend the 50th wedding anniversary
of the twin sister of his former mother in law by marriage?
and part of the ritual of seeing them was stopping in LaCrosse
at some store that was half sporting goods, half beer
and buying a dozen cases for the weekend

Long Live the Pellican Whore - like FOREVER

by OhioHawk on May 16, 2011 5:36 AM CDT up reply actions  

Just about perfect.

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on May 13, 2011 1:13 PM CDT reply actions  

This article covered everything

1. Denial of a Hawkeye tat
2. BB probably drives a car that just screams “I’m an asshole.”
3. BB wanting to be Iowa and thus offering the same recruits we do…within about 72 hours.
4. The original BHGP

Just perfect.

by mikjones24 on May 13, 2011 1:27 PM CDT reply actions  

From the original BHGP piece
…So, the big story has been P.J. Hill dropping a bunch of weight this offseason….

Isn’t that the big story of EVERY offseason, how one of their lardass RBs has to lose weight so as to actually be able to play?

I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

by HoyaGoon on May 13, 2011 2:33 PM CDT up reply actions  

Maybe he can give John Clay a few pointers on what to do after leaving Madtown.

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

by RossWB on May 13, 2011 2:58 PM CDT up reply actions  

Excellent

And this would put it over the top.

"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me

by BStylin Hawkye on May 13, 2011 1:50 PM CDT reply actions   1 recs

Oh, the Paterno one is going to be epic.

Slightly more slatternly than Ohio State's compliance department.

by ReadingRambler on May 13, 2011 2:06 PM CDT reply actions  

I’m really hoping this continues all summer. Between JoePa, Zook, Wizgerald, there’s a lot of ground to cover.

Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man. - The Dude

by TheAntonioRamosProject on May 13, 2011 2:09 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions  

Due to the teaser at the end I actually thought "Who's next?"

“Zooker? Pelini?? ‘Bites,’ ahhh, it’s Fitz and his ass sandwich.”

I’m often kinda slow on the uptake.

by Eyeheartfreedumb on May 13, 2011 10:34 PM CDT up reply actions  

Paterno actually visiting a recruits home?

That would be too much of a stretch of the imagination.

@jschnauzer
Bloggin' at http://joepasdoghouse.com

by Cairo on May 13, 2011 2:11 PM CDT up reply actions  

Yes, but this is special.

He visited pre-season All-American Pryor, didn’t he?

Slightly more slatternly than Ohio State's compliance department.

by ReadingRambler on May 13, 2011 3:19 PM CDT up reply actions   1 recs

Pre-Season All-American Terrell Pryor

Ooh, that’s good.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt

by HawKCP on May 13, 2011 7:16 PM CDT up reply actions  

reminds me of

perhaps the best B1G commercial ever
“COME TO PENN STATE”

Long Live the Pellican Whore - like FOREVER

by OhioHawk on May 16, 2011 5:38 AM CDT up reply actions   1 recs

That's Tabetha. She's DTF. It's cool

Sconnieriffic.

"GO HAWKS!" - only cure for Hawkeye Envy

by BentNotBroken on May 13, 2011 2:07 PM CDT reply actions  

Most violent-tempered?

That can only be Pat Fitzgerald.

by SWRT on May 13, 2011 2:35 PM CDT reply actions  

I was thinking Jerry KILL

"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."

by SomeJerkPoster on May 13, 2011 2:37 PM CDT up reply actions  

Perfect

Wait, our secondary violation penalties don’t hurt?

Ummm

I mean

OWWWWWW oh god I’ll never do this again what severe and blinding pain you’re causing me, you courageous compliance officers

Yeah, awesome!

"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable

by ClaybornSmash on May 13, 2011 2:45 PM CDT reply actions  

It's funny because it's true

Wait, no, I mean it’s sad.

It never gets to be easy.
Why the fuck doesn't it ever get to be easy?

by chitownhawkeye on May 13, 2011 4:42 PM CDT up reply actions  

Say what you will about Bielma,

…but he took one for the team right there. If the NCAA ever found out that their secondary violations don’t hurt, we’d all be screwed.

by SavagePoop on May 16, 2011 10:04 AM CDT up reply actions  

Part 3 has Pelini written all over it.

"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me

by BStylin Hawkye on May 13, 2011 3:22 PM CDT up reply actions  

Really?
violent-tempered target barks

and

then bites off more than he can chew.

It’s obvious isn’t it?

"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable

by ClaybornSmash on May 13, 2011 3:46 PM CDT up reply actions   1 recs

I was just thinking violent-tempered.

Good call and a rec.

"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me

by BStylin Hawkye on May 13, 2011 3:49 PM CDT up reply actions  

There are no words for how much I loved that post.

"The more I say, the more I have to take back." - Norm Parker, revised

by ReadingRambler on May 13, 2011 8:41 PM CDT up reply actions  

Gotta be Fitzy

Barks at compliance officer = crazy yelling Fitzy face
Bites off more than he can chew = ass sandwich

by Jon Berg on May 13, 2011 3:47 PM CDT up reply actions  

I really hope the Zook one...

includes his twitter escapades from the middle of the night in 2009.

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on May 13, 2011 6:36 PM CDT reply actions  

Beliema'

Perpetually living between the click of a light and the start of a dream.

by hawkeyeguy85 on May 13, 2011 7:58 PM CDT reply actions  

Whoa...

Itchy trigger finger.

Bielema’s screen name is dirrrrrrrty in my circle.

Perpetually living between the click of a light and the start of a dream.

by hawkeyeguy85 on May 13, 2011 7:59 PM CDT up reply actions  

I miss THC.

What ever happened to those guys?

by Eyeheartfreedumb on May 13, 2011 10:37 PM CDT reply actions  

They had an "Anchorman-style gang fight"

with the crew from Steve Alford’s Hair Gel.

We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.

by WaterlooChazz on May 13, 2011 11:21 PM CDT up reply actions  

Please be JoePa

Please be JoePa Please be JoePa Please be JoePa Please be JoePa

There is no way that Paki rushes for nine yards. -KenOKeefeIfuckinghateyou.

by iamalex13 on May 14, 2011 1:39 AM CDT reply actions  

Zombie JoePa, even.

Going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going.... Alright, I'll stop for now.

by EnergizerHawk on May 14, 2011 6:29 AM CDT up reply actions  

And Lynch!

The Big Ten lost a lot of entertainment value this off-season.

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

by RossWB on May 16, 2011 12:46 PM CDT up reply actions  

If you recall, we had the tales of Floyd with Brewster still lurking about.

Is it inconceivable that he would still be out recruiting? Not at all! He’s crazy like that!

"No I'm not going to 'limber up'. You ever see a lion stretching before it takes down a gazelle?"

by Swarley on May 16, 2011 3:38 PM CDT up reply actions  

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