Location: Weight room, approximately 6:30 A.M.
Everyone is here, doing light calastenics. Chazz seems to get winded after about 15 jumping jacks. We’re going to have to work with him a little extra.
Everyone breaks into groups for some stations. The groups are broken up by weight classes. Since Swarley still has both legs, he’ll lift with the upper weights. Group one is CW, kythom, The Mexican’t and Snacks. Group two is Clayborn Smash, Ross WB, SMKS, Lycurgus and Swarley. Group three is Packer Hawk, DipShit, Chazz, BHNP and Kluginator.
Group one heads to the squat racks, where CW shows the boys how she gets down. Kythom quietly does his reps and sets without saying much to anyone. The Mexican’t takes his own sweet time doing his work, but eventually it gets done. Snacks, much to the surprise of everyone, did three times his body weight.
While Group one was squatting, Group Two headed over to the benches for some presses. Ross kicked off the festivities by passing out trying to put 185 up. He’s going to need some extra incentive. Maybe we need to tape a picture of Rambler to the ceiling so we can release the beast inside of Ross. CS did what we all expected, putting 275 up several times. Lycurgus performed admirably here, getting 225 twice before he almost dropped the weight on his throat. SMKS, still feeling the effects of his namesake, was only able to get 135 three times. He was banished to Carver for stairs for the remainder of the session. That didn’t work out as he puked on Coach Hamd. Lycurgus and Swarley competed to see who could get 225 the most. Lycurgus got it 12 times before he turned as red as an ISU football helmet. Swarley managed to get it 13 times before he grimaced in pain.
Group three set out to do decline/incline supersets. Things got a little heated when Chazz refused to spot for Packer Hawk on the decline, fearing PH was going to try to look up his shorts. The situation was diffused when someone told Chazz to chill and put some damn pants on. Klug is an animal, decline pressing 250 and incline pressing 225. BHNP also acquitted himself nicely, getting 200 declining and 185 incline.
After everyone had moved from station to station, Lycurgus and Swarley were tasked with going to the vet to check on the donkeycorn, who was there for his shots and to get neutered before his trip back to Happy Valley. We figured we’d get him fixed so he’d be more mellow for the trip. When they were taking him to the trailer, he recognized Lycurgus and spazzed. He reared up on his hind legs and was preparing to dominate him when Swarley grabbed him with his arm. This only served to further infuriate the donkeycorn and make him charge Lycurgus with more aplomb. The vet, having seen this, came out with a tranquilizer and subdued the crazed animal. After additional blood tests, it was found that he had contracted hoof and mouth disease from Coach Hamd, and since it was caught so late, he had to be put down. The vet administered the killing at 12:34 and pronounced the donkeycorn dead at 12:37. Swarley was taken to the hospital, where it was determined that he tore his pectoral muscle and destroyed his rotator cuff in his efforts to protect Lycurgus from being dominated.