MARCHIFORNICATION, THE FINAL FOURNICATION: STANZI-PAKI POSTGAME
by Patrick Vint on Apr 7, 2011 12:00 PM CDT
in Marchifornication
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You should've seen it, Coach! You really should've seen it! First I caught him with a left And then I tagged him with a right. Then I stepped back, and I remembered that it wasn't November, so I hit him with a bomb! Pakimomb THAT, right?
That's great, Ricky. Congratulations. The voters came through, too. I won in a landslide! A WHAT? A landslide. You know, a rout. A blowout. An avalanche. DID YOU SAY AVALANCHE? Yeah, it's a figure of speech, Coach. Oh, um...heh heh. Sorry. I just misheard you. Is everything OK, Coach? Yeah, yeah, of course. Everything is fine. Could you please stand over there, Ricky? It's...it's for a picture or something
Over here? Yeah, right over there. Just stand still. Where's the photographer? He's hidden. Parks Department regulations.
rumble What was that? Oh, I'm sure it was nothing. Just stand there for a few more seconds... rumble van coleman rumble
Did you hear that? Hear what? All I heard was you becoming a star, Ricky! Now let me get out of the way of your picture. /runs away Coach Berentz? Rumble Brad Banks is like Butler Rumble
What is that rumbling? Where are you going, Coach? Coach? RUMBLE KINNICK STADIUM TRAFFIC REALLY SUCKS DOESN'T IT RUMBLE Coach? RUMBLE THIS IS AN ENTIRE PARAGRAPH RUMBLE AAAAAAHHHHHH!
Ricky Stanzi has been eliminated by Hartylanche
/opens cell phone /takes off mask
beep boop beep
It's done. Pull the trigger.
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NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Ceci n'est pas un blogue.
by Adam Jacobi on Apr 7, 2011 12:02 PM CDT reply actions 4 recs
I'll go ahead and continue that sentiment
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. HE WAS SO YOUNG.
That was totally unexpected.
Where is Peirce Brosnan when you need him.
with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.
You need someone more manly than Remington Steele.
How about Grace Jones?
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 7, 2011 4:02 PM CDT up reply actions
KOKaine strikes again!
Damn you, KOKaine…
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
curse this!
does this mean that the finals will consist of an epic showdown between KOKaine and the winner of Bloodpunch/Inconsolable?
it's Bloodpunch.
he is an unstoppable force. which makes sense because KOKaine’s offense is an immovable object.
by BoilerHawk on Apr 7, 2011 1:03 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
HEC has shown us how powerful Bloodpunch truly is
Despite his Gomer Pyle appearance
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Apr 7, 2011 1:27 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
You make a good point
Whoever is writing this is doing massive amounts of KOKaine and nothing is certain in this MARCHIFORNICATION.
DAMN YOU KOKAINE!!!!
Also, Hartylanche…. Brilliant
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
How could Coach fall in with the likes of KOKaine?
Does he have Coach’s daughter stashed away in his pirate cove?
/disillusion’d
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
that's *what i* inferred...
damn OMHR-learned mind is keeping me from putting coherent thoughts together.
Whoops.
That’s what I get for reading too fast.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Apr 7, 2011 3:20 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
pffff, I knew Birk Berentz was fake the whole time.
I mean, “Berentz?” Come on, that sounds totally made up.
They should have sent a poet.
Was it Bama Hawkeye who pointed out that the razor phone was KOK's?
Whoever it was… good call.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 7, 2011 3:50 PM CDT up reply actions
What I don't understand...
Is how does the Hartylanche NOT have shades and a 4 day shadow going on?
WHYYYYYYYYYYY
"If you're easily offended, we thank you for stopping by but ask that you turn your browser elsewhere." -- BHGP Disclaimer
by SaturdayMorningKegStanzis on Apr 7, 2011 12:50 PM CDT reply actions
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The word “rumble” is too eloquent to be Harty!
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
Yeah! Suck it, Stanzi!
Pelican Whore wins!
"'Do you have a go-to move?' 'I have seven of 'em.' 'Do you want to share maybe a few?' 'Naw, you'll see 'em.'"
Pretty sure that's not how the bracket works
unless this is the NCAA wrestling championships. Or Wimbledon.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
He won.
Er, she.
"'Do you have a go-to move?' 'I have seven of 'em.' 'Do you want to share maybe a few?' 'Naw, you'll see 'em.'"
by ReadingRambler on Apr 7, 2011 1:50 PM CDT up reply actions
The Hartylanche is so distrubing
I don’t think I’ll be able to finish the day. So shaky and unsure of myself now.
Do you really believe that a Hartylanch can take down Stanzi?
NO WAY! He’s still alive, he’s gotta be. I don’t feel like a communist, so some spark of life must still remain.
Beautiful prose.
“RUMBLE THIS IS AN ENTIRE PARAGRAPH RUMBLE”
So true. PHarty’s editor (yeah right) tells him to write 20 paragraphs for his next assignment, and PHarty turns in 26 sentences, with 19 spaces randomly between them.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 7, 2011 1:43 PM CDT reply actions
Meanwhile at the ped mall, after hearing the news...
REJOICE!
Damn you super sperm!
by Feelin' Orney on Apr 7, 2011 1:51 PM CDT reply actions 7 recs
I didn't realize you could get that many people into the hall mall.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Apr 7, 2011 1:52 PM CDT up reply actions
You should see what they can do with a VW bus.
Damn you super sperm!
by Feelin' Orney on Apr 7, 2011 1:54 PM CDT up reply actions
So much for peace, love, and understanding.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
and hemp accessories
Damn you super sperm!
by Feelin' Orney on Apr 7, 2011 1:58 PM CDT up reply actions
Elvis (Costello) has left the building
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Apr 7, 2011 4:44 PM CDT up reply actions
Pigs.
"'Do you have a go-to move?' 'I have seven of 'em.' 'Do you want to share maybe a few?' 'Naw, you'll see 'em.'"
by ReadingRambler on Apr 7, 2011 3:11 PM CDT up reply actions
This feels like a total setup
What’s next? Will the Miz be WWE champion?
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Apr 7, 2011 2:11 PM CDT reply actions
That's preposterous.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Anybody want to take a stab at what the fuck "Pull the trigger" meant?
Mr. Paterno? Mao?
What’s that? I hear music. It… it can’t be…
Trolololololololololooooooooo
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 7, 2011 4:00 PM CDT reply actions
JoePa. Definitely JoePa
I am epic win. It is much inspirational, no? No pain, no pain - Rich Russian Guy from directv commercials
Joe is involved somehow
He’s got to get his revenge on Ricky while he still can. The only mystery is how…..
Being buried in a Hartylanche
It just makes me shudder. No one deserves that. It’s cruel and unusual. (Which is to say, I think Stanzi uses the Constitution as a shield and survives to make a surprise appearance in the finals.)
It never gets to be easy.
Why the fuck doesn't it ever get to be easy?
I am totally blown awayanzi
by the kok twist of fateanzi
which makes me think all alonganzi
i should have been paying more attentionanzi
but no i have good faithanzi
alas
my ashanzi
is in the canzi
and ill never speak stanzianzi
againanzi
Long Live the Pellican Whore - like FOREVER
by OhioHawk on Apr 7, 2011 7:31 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
The bad news? This was a complete cop-out ending.
The good news? Vince McMahon just hired HS as head writer.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
What do I have to live for now?
Damn you JoePa!
Sometimes I wonder...
…how absolutely high and/or nerdy you have to be, to be a writer on this here site.
Excellent.
Also...
This event takes place on Halloween in 2006?(see pic timestamp)
I’m trying to remember what I was….
I think it was this
Ask me about my wiener!
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Apr 8, 2011 12:49 PM CDT up reply actions
This post and that photo . . .
Tremendous.
"I always like it better when the clowns seem to try to be happy."
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