FanPost

BHGP Wrestling: Announcement on Coaching Hire


BHGP Wrestling Lures Back Native Sons for Best Coaching Hire of the Century

 

April 5, 2001.

 

A news release today from the BHGP sports office confirms the hiring of Tyrone Brands (Sheldon, IA) for the head wrestling coach position. In addition, Brands' long time wrestling compatriot, Wes Hamd (Dubuque, IA), has signed on to assist in bringing this fledgling program to the forefront of the blog wrestling world.

Tyrone "The Stone" Brands is the brother of the University of Iowa coaching duo Tom and Terry Brands. Though not as well known, Tyrone has a number of wrestling accolades that make him perfect for this position. In addition to being a 1987 Greco World Champion (a title which was later rescinded due an admission of eating performance enhancing corn before the competition), Tyrone has spent the last 5 years working with the US military on a top secret wrestling project. When asked about his duties he declined to give specifics, but did say that "if the fate of the world ever comes down to a 10 weight folkstyle wrestling match between humans and alien invaders, we will be well prepared".

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via i1229.photobucket.com

Tyrone became a pop culture sensation in the early 2000's when he challenged the professional wrestler Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson to a fight to determine the ultimate hegemon of lithic inspired nicknames.

Tyrone made a few comments to the press after the official announcement came through. "I don't think anyone is happy with where this team is right now. Not the fans, not the wrestlers, and certainly myself or coach Hamd. We have some prima donnas on this team and things have gotten a little catty wompus, we are here to straighten things out". Coach Brands left things with this comment, "The battle is Clone Chronicles, the battle is Black Shoe Diaries and Off Tackle Empire, the battle is the whole SB Nation, and, if there is intelligent life out there, the battle is the universal blogosphere".

[Note: Coach Brands got his nickname, "The Stone", in the same incident that took his eye. As coach Hamd explains, he was sentenced to death by stoning after defeating the village champion of a particularly aggressive group of Mongolians. The villagers pelted him with rocks and dried horse manure for 3 days and nights until their arms grew too tired to continuing throwing. Brands was eventually let go, when it became clear that he just refused to be killed. His only injury was the loss of his left eye.]

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via i1229.photobucket.com

 

 

After coach Brands left the press conference we had a chance to speak with coach Wes Hamd (pictured above at home on his Dubuque farm). Coach Hamd has been a longtime assistant to coach Brands and he spoke about some of his wrestling background. "Oink, oink, I grew up in Dubuque, Iowa, which as you might guess was a difficult place for me because of my height. Shortly after a near horrific packing plant accident when I was a teenager, I got into wrestling. My high school coach was a real inspiration and taught me a lot about the sport and life. I remember my first match against Amana, ha I nearly got smoked in the first period, but I worked hard and came away with a victory. That is when I knew that wrestling was for me".

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via i1229.photobucket.com

 

Wes was a dynamo in Greco-Roman wrestling and dominated the world scene between 1966 and 68 at 97 kg (Wes is pictured above with one of his two gold medals from the 1968 olympics. He also won a blue ribbon, which is not pictured). His favorite move was his self-styled "little smokies" pinning combination, which was said to terrify the Israelies and Iranians.

A few years ago Wes spent some time coaching at the University of Iowa and became part of history in the inaugural Brands-Sanderson clash between Iowa and Iowa State (pictured below).

 

Weshamdgable_medium

via i1229.photobucket.com

With the experience and skill that this coaching duo brings to the mat, I have no doubt that the BHGP wrestling team will be competing for title honors in no time.

Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.

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