MARCHIFORNICATION, THE FINAL FOURNICATION: RICKY STANZI VS. CAPTAIN AMERICA HERKY
by Patrick Vint on Apr 5, 2011 12:00 PM CDT
in Marchifornication
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PrintTHE SECOND SEED: RICKY STANZI
How He Got Here: Defeated DJK 523-283. Defeated Fran McCaffery 425-236. Woke up with a visitor.
THE FIFTH SEED: CAPTAIN AMERICA HERKY
How He Got Here: Defeated Matt Gatens Legacy by Montreal Screwjob. Defeated AIRBHG by impotence meltdown. Might not be the actual Captain America Herky.
Final Four, baby! Only two more wins and Marchifornication is mine! It wouldn't be possible without this costume Well, this costume and my senior advisor, the mysterious Birk Berentz. Speaking of which, I need my strategy. Time to dial up Birk.
beep beep boop beep boop Please hold while your call is being connected HEY SOUL SISTER AHHHH MISTER MISTER ON THE RADIO THE WAY YOU MOVE AIN'T FAIR YA KNOW
cough Hello? Birk! It's Paki! ...who? Paki! Paki O'Meara! You know, Pakibomb goes boom? Oh, yeah...um, Paki. Right. Yeah! Hey! It's Final Fournication today! Where have you been? Oh, um, I've...well, I've just been really busy. Well, what's our strategy for beating Stanzi? Strategy? I don't really have a strategy for you, Paki. What am I supposed to do? You can beat Stanzi legitimately. No problem. Just go at him straight-up. You'll be fine. We'll meet up afterwards. click But...
But...
Who was that? It was...it was nobody. Now, how are you going to win this match? I can't do it, Mr. Berentz. I can't beat Captain America. How can you kill an icon of freedom? How do you take that shot? What if you miss? Ricky, listen to me. WHAT IF YOU MISS? WHAT IF YOU'RE REALLY A COMMUNIST? DAMN IT RICKY, LISTEN TO ME! THAT'S NOT CAPTAIN AMERICA HERKY! That's...what? That's not Captain America Herky in that costume. You mean, Captain America Herky can't be in that costume because he is in all our hearts? No, you moron. That's Paki O'Meara in that costume. Paki O'Meara? Yes... Paki O'Meara? Yes... But...but...
Don't worry, Girls Generation. I'll save you.
/emerges from shadows with handgun
Both of you, throw me the ball
/cocks assault rifle, aims at PAKISTANZI
MISTER PATERNO WILL BE FINE THANK YOU
I WILL NOT HAVE MY PLANS DISRUPTED, NOT NOW
Hey, my name's Adrian, and I
BANG
I've been waiting for my chance at revenge for a whole year. I'm going to destroy that little bastard, and end this thing once and for all. Yes. Go, Ricky. Go defeat Pakibomb. /sprints out of Mount Rushmore /turns away Excellent... AND I DON'T WANT THE WORLD TO SEE ME CUZ I DON'T THINK THEY THEY'D UNDERSTAND Yes? grumble grumble grumble Yes, he knows. He's ready. They'll both be totally distracted. grumble grumble grumble Everything is going exactly as we planned. Marchifornication will soon be ours!
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Claaaaaybooooorrrrnnnnn nooooooo
by stanzi's ex-girlfriend on Apr 5, 2011 12:04 PM CDT reply actions
Wait a minute!
Astute (and long time) readers will know that cell phone ringtone!
Wait! NOOO!! Good God! That’s KEN O’KEEFE’s Music!
"Bama Hawkeye, you know, the Iowa blogger who actually uses reason and analysis." - Patrick Vint
http://www.offtackleempire.com
by Bama Hawkeye on Apr 5, 2011 12:06 PM CDT reply actions 3 recs
It was the LAWL-ffensive coordinator
in the study with the pipe.
Damn you super sperm!
by Feelin' Orney on Apr 5, 2011 7:15 PM CDT up reply actions
Birk Berentz is clearly on #TeamQUEEFCORE
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
The plot thickens!
Is there a third party lurking in the shadows?
KOK? Mechanized Norm Parker?
WHAT IS GOING ON
(laughs mysteriously)
Cuz the heart of rock n roll, heart of rock n roll is still beatin'..... in Cleveland
....Detroit!
(disappears inot the shadows)
Cuz the heart of rock n roll, heart of rock n roll is still beatin'..... in Cleveland
....Detroit!
Great sig.
How have I lived my life without you?
The answer: tediously.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Apr 5, 2011 4:29 PM CDT up reply actions
It's either KOKaine or Bloodpunch...
I like KOKaine to be behind it and get foiled by a Bloodpunch coalition in the finals!
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
Kat O'Keefe is obviously behind all of this.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Apr 5, 2011 12:22 PM CDT up reply actions
You mean Ben O'Beefe?
with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.
Nope.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Apr 6, 2011 1:22 AM CDT up reply actions
I want a royalty
for the photo of Leman. That’s my hand on J’s shoulder.
Yee-Haw! I ride again!
by Cornshoe Hammaker on Apr 5, 2011 12:27 PM CDT reply actions
Send me your email address and I'll cut you a check for $200 blogbucks.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Be careful, Cornshoe Hammaker.
It may be a pubecheck.
by cbrett42 on Apr 5, 2011 12:37 PM CDT up reply actions 6 recs
Be careful
I think with the exchange rate, you technically end up owing Ross money on that.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Apr 5, 2011 12:38 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
Don't you mean
“Send me your email address and I’ll BOOM!”?
(I think that’s what you meant.)
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 5, 2011 2:45 PM CDT up reply actions
Is this a pitch for getting people involved in Forex?
1. Trade one type of money for an equal amount of another type of money.
2. Trade that type of money for an equal amount of another type of money.
3. Trade that type of money for an equal amount of the original type of money.
4. Profit!!!????
Yeah, nice leather glove, OJ.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
Can't be OJ
that glove fits. If the glove don’t fit, ya ain’t got shit
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
That's my photo of Ricky too
Therefore, he’s getting my vote.
by Hank Thrasher on Apr 5, 2011 3:40 PM CDT up reply actions
I feel like I've seen this story before
by hawk6894 on Apr 5, 2011 1:05 PM CDT reply actions 15 recs
Tremendous.
Although is that implying that Ace is dead if he’s hanging out with Ghost Paki and Ghost Zook?
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Also, does that mean that the Ewok in the left corner is KOK?
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Apr 5, 2011 2:08 PM CDT up reply actions
Hmm.
I assumed KOK was Vader, but I guess that’s probably Ferentz instead.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Does that make DJK Han Solo?
I am epic win. It is much inspirational, no? No pain, no pain - Rich Russian Guy from directv commercials
I don't think I want to know who Leia is here.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Well if Stanzi is Luke, his ex (and his sister, gross) would be...
One of our favorite commenters.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Apr 5, 2011 2:56 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, its just crazy enough to make sense
I am epic win. It is much inspirational, no? No pain, no pain - Rich Russian Guy from directv commercials
Those two hair thingies on her head
look kind of like fried eggs
with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.
by Kluginator on Apr 5, 2011 3:53 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
That's gotta be Klug.
Look at those little arms. That’s the giveaway.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 5, 2011 2:47 PM CDT up reply actions
It all makes sense now.
TMFS is totally R2.
Templeton Rye'd the Lightning.
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Apr 5, 2011 4:37 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Whose RAZR is that?
Because that phone is too outdated for Paki and too new for Kirk Fer… Oh, another clue that Birk Berentz may not be whom he seems.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
The Puppet Master?
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Apr 5, 2011 1:16 PM CDT up reply actions
I was driving the other day and saw someone talking on a RAZR
My wife and I mocked her.
It never gets to be easy.
Why the fuck doesn't it ever get to be easy?
by chitownhawkeye on Apr 5, 2011 4:44 PM CDT up reply actions
I sold my old one on eBay this year for over $30
Who the hell would pay that much?
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Apr 5, 2011 5:30 PM CDT up reply actions
Never mind the age...
It’s a Motorola. I’ve had universally bad luck with those things. To the point that I picked the HTC phone instead of them, simply because it couldn’t possibly be worse than Motorola.
by Norm Parker's Amputated Toes on Apr 5, 2011 6:31 PM CDT up reply actions
I got rid of my RAZR about a month ago.
I refuse to conform to internet on my phone damnit. I sit at a computer all day or I’m at home where I have a computer, why the Fran do I need it on my phone?
It's not that I'm lazy, Bob, it's that I just don't care
I had my RAZR for a lil over 3 years and never had an issue.
And have absolutely loved my Droid X.
by The Mexican't on Apr 5, 2011 7:09 PM CDT up reply actions
Maybe I got a series of bad ones.
But between the phone I had and Motorola gear I had from work, I remain convinced they make garbage.
by Norm Parker's Amputated Toes on Apr 5, 2011 7:46 PM CDT up reply actions
Yes
I had my Q for 2 years and aside from the utter crap Windows Mobile OS, it was a great phone. Tough as nails, never a hardware issue. Same with my Droid and DroidX.
I wish I could say the same
My wife went through 4 of them years ago. She refuses to buy anything Motorola to this day.
It never gets to be easy.
Why the fuck doesn't it ever get to be easy?
by chitownhawkeye on Apr 5, 2011 8:55 PM CDT up reply actions
Droid X friend!
I like it but would trade it for a iPhone in a heartbeat. I hate that I can’t use it w/ my Mac.
Whatever farm animal of war, Lana. Shut up!
That is the only reason I hate Apple.
The exclusivity of their products to work with only their own is annoying as shit. I do love them though. I’m torn.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Apr 7, 2011 7:33 PM CDT up reply actions
I just hate iTunes
For such an amazingly popular piece of software, it’s pretty terrible. I should be able to easily move music, ringtones, apps between the phone, iTunes, my computer in general, and my iPod. But I have no end of trouble syncing them and having everything transfer the way I want it.
It never gets to be easy.
Why the fuck doesn't it ever get to be easy?
by chitownhawkeye on Apr 7, 2011 7:43 PM CDT up reply actions
Yes.
Somebody needs to get Woz to solve that issue, pronto.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Apr 7, 2011 10:23 PM CDT up reply actions
I lost my phone and needed a new one, and my husband offered to go pick one up for me...
…and I was too distracted when he asked me what kind I wanted, so I just told him to get me a good one.
He came with a phone identical to the Jitterbug. With the giant numbers and everything.
It’s the biggest piece of shit I’ve ever owned.
by stanzi's ex-girlfriend on Apr 5, 2011 10:47 PM CDT up reply actions
The Jitterbug?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvdyu0bYOL8
They should have sent a poet.
by Bucketochicken on Apr 5, 2011 11:07 PM CDT up reply actions
Hahahahahahahahha yeah that's way worse.
They should have sent a poet.
by Bucketochicken on Apr 5, 2011 11:27 PM CDT up reply actions
I think Pelican Whore would hang out with Rick, so I'll vote for him.
"'Do you have a go-to move?' 'I have seven of 'em.' 'Do you want to share maybe a few?' 'Naw, you'll see 'em.'"
I knew you couldn't stay away!
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
by ClaybornSmash on Apr 5, 2011 1:13 PM CDT up reply actions
Paki also wants his house burned to the ground!
And he wants to go there in the middle of the night and wants to piss on his ashes. This is so intense. I don’t know how it’s going to pan out but Birk Berentz seems like he’ll be there in the final climatic battle.
Al Gore is far from WINNING
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Apr 5, 2011 2:57 PM CDT up reply actions
At Iowa vs MSU
I saw Captain America Herky and Das Pakibomb in the same place at the same time.
Does this mean that there are two Paki O’mearas?
Brunettes not fighter jets
Bombs have a tendency to fragment upon impact
It’s possible that there are hundreds, maybe thousands of Paki O’Mearas.
Hey Dolph, you look like I need a beer.
by Give Eddie a Beer on Apr 5, 2011 1:41 PM CDT up reply actions
Paki O'Meara is the Inseticons of Iowa Football
/has been watching too much Transformers lately.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Even more than I am, now that I've seen this post?
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Apr 5, 2011 2:02 PM CDT up reply actions
Oooh oooh, I know this one!
That’s David Schwimmer’s stoned little brother.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 5, 2011 2:51 PM CDT up reply actions
I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.
with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.
Wha?
Possibly from a tv show i’ve not seen or one I don’t remember?
I am epic win. It is much inspirational, no? No pain, no pain - Rich Russian Guy from directv commercials
Kluginator exists on a different plane.
And frankly, that’s a wormhole you don’t want to go down. From now on I’ll just be enjoying his links and pictures and stop asking questions.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Apr 5, 2011 3:38 PM CDT up reply actions
The Photo is from
Handsom Furs I’m Confused album.
with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.
I open that link and the first thing I see is
“MORE BALKAN TOUR DATES”!
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 8, 2011 8:06 AM CDT up reply actions
The reality of the situation is
THAT IS OUR LAST BOWL.
Templeton Rye'd the Lightning.
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Apr 5, 2011 4:32 PM CDT up reply actions
Love it.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Apr 5, 2011 6:23 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, mustaches are cool... MAGNUM PI!
Templeton Rye'd the Lightning.
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Apr 6, 2011 1:17 AM CDT up reply actions
Rick Simon!
….also had a mustache.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Apr 6, 2011 1:20 AM CDT up reply actions
WOOOO ROCKET BOOTS BOOSH
Templeton Rye'd the Lightning.
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Apr 6, 2011 5:13 PM CDT up reply actions
RICKY IS AIRBHG!?
Just look at the eyes. Where have we seen those eyes?
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 5, 2011 2:54 PM CDT reply actions
rut row
I think EHFD is onto something. I fear for what will happen
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Apr 5, 2011 2:58 PM CDT up reply actions
Yep.
Except, does AIRBHG communicate via a 7-year-old cell phone? Or would he/she/it just speak in thunderously torn tendons?
Like y’all, I remain worried.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Apr 5, 2011 4:35 PM CDT up reply actions
i knew there was a paki twistanzi
and take some responsibilanzi
for promoting the languagnzi
where it all ends in anzi
having said that in one sentenanzi
without hypahationanzi
or capitalizationanzi
we might choose to repose
and see who comesoutanzi
from the other bracketanzi
resisting the tendananzi
of picking the pellican whore defeateranzi
i am now completely commitedanzi
to ricky
aka stanzianzi
Long Live the Pellican Whore - like FOREVER
Good sir, at first your prose confused and frustrated me. Now that I'm used to it, its really kind of cool.
I am epic win. It is much inspirational, no? No pain, no pain - Rich Russian Guy from directv commercials
i will obstainanzi
from being dickishanzi
i really wasntanzi
trying to be a prickanzi
the other dayanzi
even though vintanzi
called me outanzi
it wasnt my intentionanzi
it obviouslyanzi
didn’t affect your proseanzi
My Conquistanzi
Puts the paki in pakikipagkapwa.
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