Fran adds fifth 6'5" player; prepares to form Voltron
by Horace E. Cow on Apr 26, 2011 10:00 AM CDT
in Batshit Insanity
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While most of the attention around recent Iowa basketball recruit Anthony Hubbard has centered on his age and checkered past, the true reason Fran McCaffery focused on the 6'5" guard-forward has gone unnoticed: Hubbard represents the fifth 6'5" player on the team, in addition to Matt Gatens (6'5"), Eric May (6'5"), Devyn Marble (77 inches), and incoming freshman Josh Oglesby (195.6 cm). This unique combination of similarly-heighted players allows coach Fran to create Basketball Voltron.
"I just think 6'5" is the ideal height for a basketball player," said McCaffery. "It allows a player to be agile enough to play guard, long enough to defend well on the perimeter, and tall enough to grab rebounds. The Vetruvian man was 6'5", Lou Ferrigno was 6'5", and although Michael Jordan claimed he was 6'6", without those inflated shoes of his, he was 6'5". It is truly the ideal height, for basketball and for life... and of course there is the myth of basketball Voltron."
Legend and '80s children's television has it that when five player with the exact height of six foot five inches take the court together, they magically coalesce into a force that is greater than the sum of their parts. In the original Japanese cartoon, five robot lions combined to defend the planet Arus from the evil King Zarkon (of planet Doom) and his army of Robeasts. Basketball coaches as far back as Hank Iba have interpreted these details as a metaphor for basketball, with planet Arus representing "team basketball," planet Doom representing "gigantic center basketball," and the army of Robeasts representing dominant big men such as Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Bill Walton, and Shaquille O'Neal.
Adolph Rupp sketches Basketball Voltron for his players in 1952; rocks snazzy Chuck Taylors/khaki ensemble.
Said Coach McCaffery: "I've been watching as much of the show as I can, and I'm still not clear whether the five players will somehow physically transform into a player 32 feet tall, or whether the combination will be more metaphorical. I'm hoping the former, because otherwise we're going to get killed inside."
As a back-up plan, McCaffery is also working on signing four more 6'9" players to join with Andrew Brommer and Devon Archie to form Devastator.
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I love me some HEC. Great stuff
Even if wiki tells me he is incorrect and Devastator was the combined form of six parts, not four.
My most memorable Christmas from childhood is when I got one of the Voltron parts from each of five relatives and formed the full powerful being in one single day. Glorious
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Apr 26, 2011 10:10 AM CDT reply actions
Either an Xmas or a Bday, I got a Voltron racetrack.
That thing was awesome for ages. “You mean my cars are like little red and yellow lions? Hell yes!*”
*Probably not my actual words.
In the past 10 years, just four team owners have not paid a luxury tax and are not on pace to pay one this year: Donald Sterling, Jerry Reinsdorf, Chris Cohen (Golden State), Bob Johnson (Charlotte).
Two owners’ teams averaged an operating income of over +$10 million per year while their teams have lost over 60% of their games: Donald Sterling and Jerry Reinsdorf.
You better believe there's a YouTube of it.
Also, totally forgot you could spin them out. Whoohoo!
In the past 10 years, just four team owners have not paid a luxury tax and are not on pace to pay one this year: Donald Sterling, Jerry Reinsdorf, Chris Cohen (Golden State), Bob Johnson (Charlotte).
Two owners’ teams averaged an operating income of over +$10 million per year while their teams have lost over 60% of their games: Donald Sterling and Jerry Reinsdorf.
Damn it. No need to correct me, I already see it. HEC was correct, I just can't read correct-like
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Apr 26, 2011 10:12 AM CDT reply actions
WHAT THE SHIT?
My sarcasm detector broke.
Going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going.... Alright, I'll stop for now.
The tigerhawk on Voltron's belt kills me.
Well done, sir.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Iowa is looking to add more 6'9" guys.
I’m pretty sure we can claim Kyle Meyer is only 6’9". Plus, Katenda and Olaseni (making announcements today) have been listed as 6’9" in various places. So yeah, you might be on to something.
What’s a college stand-by? One PG to handle the ball, One C to grab boards, 3 swingman to shoot 3’s and defend?
In the past 10 years, just four team owners have not paid a luxury tax and are not on pace to pay one this year: Donald Sterling, Jerry Reinsdorf, Chris Cohen (Golden State), Bob Johnson (Charlotte).
Two owners’ teams averaged an operating income of over +$10 million per year while their teams have lost over 60% of their games: Donald Sterling and Jerry Reinsdorf.
And one ring to rule them all.
America, you're looking good: handsome, free and tall.
by Close Shave America on Apr 26, 2011 3:01 PM CDT up reply actions
Horace E. Cow probably thought he was joking
http://www.hawkmania.com/articles/2011/04/26/news/doc4db72eb9a480a316517510.txt
Iowa’s basketball program landed its second recruit in four days this afternoon when Gabe Olaseni of the Sunrise Christian Academy in Bel Aire, Kan., announced that he had selected the Hawkeyes.
The 6-foot-9, 220-pound center made his announcement during a news conference at his school…
Devastator, here we come!!
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Apr 26, 2011 4:46 PM CDT up reply actions
There's another 6'9" guy right under our noses
but it would be wise not to let the Cougillsaurus be one of Devastator’s arms.
Personally I don’t remember having any Transformers or Voltron toys (I think they were too expensive), but I remember I had one of their cheaper bastard cousins, the Rock Lord:
(I had the green one in the middle, but I remember it being more of a rock-like shade of gray.)
"Hi, I'm Bob Executive. Which way to business?"
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Apr 26, 2011 7:31 PM CDT up reply actions
Oh, and photo credit here (there’s some good examples of other transformers rip-offs for the nostalgic, but my Rock Lord took #1):
http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/02/the_10_worst_transformers_rip-offs.php?page=2
"Hi, I'm Bob Executive. Which way to business?"
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Apr 26, 2011 7:35 PM CDT up reply actions
I do not remember those
But holy shit is that awesome. They just turned into random lumps and called them rocks.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Apr 26, 2011 7:42 PM CDT up reply actions
Wow. Those are some seriously terrible toys
Not as bad as Gobots, but bad
It never gets to be easy.
Why the fuck doesn't it ever get to be easy?
by chitownhawkeye on Apr 26, 2011 7:58 PM CDT up reply actions
They were made by Tonka, same as the GoBots
They even made it into a movie with the GoBots.
"Hi, I'm Bob Executive. Which way to business?"
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Apr 26, 2011 8:47 PM CDT up reply actions
Transforming rocks? Really?
Damn. There were some ghetto-ass Transformers knock-offs back in the day. (I did have some Go-Bots, though.)
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Yup.
I had enough imagination to make it work. I was more into toy cars/trucks, so I could have a whole scenario with his enemies trying to run him over, only to find that he has disappeared into the rocky terrain. Or even if they find him, he’s a goddamn rock, so, you know, pretty much indestructible. Except in geologic time, I guess.
I think one of my favorites though was my older brother’s hand-me-down Darth Vader, who pretty much did whatever the fuck he wanted at playtime.
"Hi, I'm Bob Executive. Which way to business?"
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Apr 26, 2011 8:55 PM CDT up reply actions
Playtime rocks.
Going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going.... Alright, I'll stop for now.
by EnergizerHawk on Apr 26, 2011 10:56 PM CDT up reply actions
It combined the excitement of Transformers with the... um
cocaine induced stupidity that spawned Pet Rocks.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 27, 2011 4:04 PM CDT up reply actions
I had a couple of these back in like 84 or something.
And Go-Bots.
After my parents got me those I was like, “That’s okay mom. I’ll get all my toys at Goodwill and Salvation Army from now on.”
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 27, 2011 3:51 PM CDT up reply actions
Also I think I still have all of the RoboTron cars in a box somewhere.
I had actually forgotten the name, and when I last came across them I was like “Now what the fuck are these?”
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 27, 2011 4:03 PM CDT up reply actions
As an Iowa girl with a thing for accents this is very exciting to me.
Whatever farm animal of war, Lana. Shut up!
by Carfino'sWay on Apr 26, 2011 5:47 PM CDT up reply actions
All midwestern girls have a thing for accents
/Love Actually’d
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Apr 26, 2011 5:53 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
It's true b/c it's true.
Whatever farm animal of war, Lana. Shut up!
by Carfino'sWay on Apr 26, 2011 7:10 PM CDT up reply actions
Oh, yeah...
Yum!
The University of Iowa: the best 6 years of my life. My parents are very proud.
by HawkeyeGirleye on Apr 26, 2011 6:58 PM CDT up reply actions
I hate the part of me that assumed he was a tall white guy (not racism, there's just way too many pastey white Brits out there, you don't always think about the others)
Maybe if there’d been a man of African descent in Monty Python.
Anyway, I love black guys with British accents. It always (EVERY TIME) takes me back to the first time I heard Lennox Lewis speak when I was a kid.
It blew my fucking mind (I think it was after he won an Olympic medal or something- – too lazy to look it up). I was somewhere around 9 or 10 years old and didn’t really have a world view, and it had just never occurred to me that a black guy would have an english speaking voice.
I love it though. “It was a funny angle.”
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 27, 2011 4:01 PM CDT up reply actions
Interesting
& I immediately thought ‘Luol Deng’. (Go, Bulls!)
The University of Iowa: the best 6 years of my life. My parents are very proud.
by HawkeyeGirleye on Apr 27, 2011 9:21 PM CDT up reply actions
Sadly, Adolph Rupp would probably use his basketball Voltron to burn crosses and piss off Bear Bryant.
"I am almost ashamed at my actions, but not really." - usn_kologi, 197 lbs
by ReadingRambler on Apr 26, 2011 10:50 AM CDT reply actions
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