Frannie's Got A Gun! Or A New Basketball Recruit.

by RossWB on Apr 22, 2011 8:01 AM CDT in Batshit Insanity

Naturally, we took it to mean this:

Although I guess it could also mean he has another basketball recruit in the fold. I mean, that would probably make sense, too. Maybe. Anyway, no one seems to know who this mystery recruit might be.. No one, that is, except BHGP.

Initially, our sources indicated that it was this man:

But then people were like "Haha you're dumb that's just Cully Payne in a mask." And we were like "nuh-uh, this is Cully Payne -- TOTALLY different dude":

I mean, duh.

Next thing you'll be telling is that this was Hulk Hogan or this was Dusty Rhodes.

But then our sources wrote back with new info. This is the Mystery Masked Hawkeye Recruit*:

And, as if that wasn't enough spectacular sleuthing for one night's work, our sources also dug up an image of next year's entire recruiting class**:

Pretty breathtaking stuff. The rest of the Big Ten isn't gonna know what hit 'em.

* Don't ask why these incoming recruits are already in Hawkeye uniforms. It's magic.

** Also: don't ask*** why there are five guys there when there only two (or maybe three, now) signed.

*** Seriously, stop asking so many goddamn questions.

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Comments

We are gonna be SO awesome next year!

Oh, *fuck you*! I'm not the rope-totin' Charlie Bronson wannabe that's getting us fucking lost!

by Scrotie McBoogerballs on Apr 22, 2011 8:06 AM CDT reply actions

What I wouldn't give

to have big E Hansen back!

by geraldfleck on Apr 22, 2011 8:11 AM CDT reply actions

I believe you mean The Hawkeye In The Iron Mask, sir.

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

by RossWB on Apr 22, 2011 8:39 AM CDT up reply actions

Team lucha libre

Would be fantastic.

THS

by mikjones24 on Apr 22, 2011 8:21 AM CDT reply actions

If Richard Hamilton can wear a facemask every night

I see no reason we can field team lucha libre next season.

by brock_tune on Apr 22, 2011 9:57 AM CDT up reply actions

I thought Dochterman just meant that a booty call was coming over.

by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 22, 2011 8:28 AM CDT reply actions

I know one person who probably wouldn't take kindly to that.

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

by RossWB on Apr 22, 2011 8:43 AM CDT up reply actions

What about a little...

THS

by mikjones24 on Apr 22, 2011 8:50 AM CDT up reply actions

Don't anger Margaret

Those hands could squish a pair of walnuts to peanuts without her blinking an eye.

Ankles! We don't need no stinking ankles!

by three and out the kok story on Apr 22, 2011 9:07 AM CDT up reply actions

walnuts

badd baddd badd reference

Long Live the Pellican Whore - like FOREVER

by OhioHawk on Apr 22, 2011 5:11 PM CDT up reply actions

Double Entendre..

However, I’m agreeing with your post. What a Franimal!

"And after it was all over, he took us in the house and served us pancakes... pancakes." - Charlie Murphy

by Podolak Pimpin' on Apr 22, 2011 9:58 AM CDT up reply actions

Ooh! Can we sign Rey Mysterio?

That dude’s got ups.

America, you're looking good: handsome, free and tall.

by Close Shave America on Apr 22, 2011 8:37 AM CDT reply actions

MF Doom, motherfuckers is the best tag.

by NorseHawk on Apr 22, 2011 9:00 AM CDT reply actions

But how can we be sure it's actually Doom under the mask?

He’s been known to use Cyrus Tate as a substitute.

"There are no Pan Asian supermarkets down in hell, so you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts." - The Mountain Goats

by cafreema on Apr 22, 2011 9:58 AM CDT up reply actions

First thought on that last pic ...

Time has not been kind to the Village People.

Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.

by Blackheartnopants on Apr 22, 2011 9:02 AM CDT reply actions

SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRAN

Am I Right?

by mattbednar on Apr 22, 2011 9:10 AM CDT reply actions

I don't even think it's a new recruit.

I think KF just gave Coker his blessing to be a two-sport athlete:

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Apr 22, 2011 9:53 AM CDT reply actions

At least the wolfman could jump.

Fran’s recruiting could use some advice from a particular Spike Lee joint.

Ma'am, you're dealing here with a fully qualified male strumpet. I service the entire Quad Cities area: Moline, Rock Island, Davenport and Bettendorf. Why don't you give it a whirl? What have you got to lose? - Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute

by tigerhawk00 on Apr 22, 2011 10:14 AM CDT up reply actions

Did you know MTV has a Teen Wolf TV show in production?

Yikes.

Whatever farm animal of war, Lana. Shut up!

by Carfino'sWay on Apr 22, 2011 3:04 PM CDT up reply actions

As long as it's the werewolf

and not #55 in the background

It never gets to be easy.
Why the fuck doesn't it ever get to be easy?

by chitownhawkeye on Apr 22, 2011 4:51 PM CDT up reply actions

Isn't that Cougill?

by brock_tune on Apr 23, 2011 10:11 AM CDT up reply actions 2 recs

I think it's Francis Buxton.

They should have sent a poet.

by Bucketochicken on Apr 23, 2011 11:01 AM CDT up reply actions

Before or after he stole Pee-Wee's bike?

by brock_tune on Apr 23, 2011 1:20 PM CDT up reply actions

Speaking of Pee-Wee

Turns out he’s a pervert, in hindsight, we really should have seen this coming.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt

by HawKCP on Apr 23, 2011 1:28 PM CDT up reply actions

First Ferentz packing heat, now Fran?

Why is there an arms race in the athletic department? Bloodpunch is gonna have to choke some bitches, or he’ll have a mutiny on his hands.

"Hi, I'm Bob Executive. Which way to business?"

by IPeeBlackAndGold on Apr 22, 2011 10:35 AM CDT reply actions

Missing Piece?

I need to know. Does anyone know who the missing piece is?

"Make it tasteful, but dongier" - Blackheartnopants

by Kluginator on Apr 22, 2011 11:09 AM CDT reply actions

No idea

But it’s got Pat Harty stymied, so you know we’ve got quite the mystery on our hands here.

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

by RossWB on Apr 22, 2011 11:12 AM CDT up reply actions

It's like a riddle

wrapped in a creamy center of white and gold fondant, encased in a delicious chocolate shell.
Or maybe that’s a Cadbury Egg I am thinking of?

"Make it tasteful, but dongier" - Blackheartnopants

by Kluginator on Apr 22, 2011 1:09 PM CDT up reply actions

That sort of thing wouldn't have Harty stymied.

"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."

by SomeJerkPoster on Apr 22, 2011 2:15 PM CDT up reply actions

Wild speculation time!

I’ll say it’s a guy not on any of the recruiting service radars for Iowa. 4-star or above. An AAU connection for Fran, so it could come from any major city. I’ll say the 2012 4-star PG out of DeMatha, James Robinson.

Any other wild guesses?

I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.

by therealCatnuts on Apr 22, 2011 2:23 PM CDT up reply actions