FanPost

BHGP Wrestling: Know Thine Opponent - OBNUG


Note: The meet has been moved to Monday the 25th to accommodate a common western religious practice. There will be an open thread for this meet and it will be awesome, hopefully.

 

A couple of updates before I go into the match previews. Coach Hamd returned from his vacation on the east coast. While there, Coach Hamd visited some old wrestling buddies and took part in a number of Civil War reenactments, as part of the sesquicentennial celebration of the beginning of that conflict. Coach Hamd is a big Civil War buff, a hobby he initially took up when he was training for the Olympics at Edinboro University. In fact, he told me that his great, great, great, great, great, grandfather was at the Battle of the Wilderness (though he was mostly looking just taking care of the wounded). Coach Hamd dressed as Union General Ambrose Burnside, a man to which he says he bears a striking resemblance, in a couple of the engagements (Pictured below).

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via i1229.photobucket.com

 

In an exciting turn, we have just had word from the BHGP athletic office that the three traveling wrestling trophies have been announced. The BHBIGS will compete for trophies with the Clone Chronicles, Black Shoe Diaries, and The Daily Gopher (trophies pictured below).

The winner of the Clone Chronicles meet will get the Golden Bael trophy

Goldenbaelcopy_medium

via i1229.photobucket.com

 

The winner of the Black Shoe Diaries meet will get the Lincoln of Grundy Center trophy

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via i1229.photobucket.com

and the winner of the Daily Gopher meet will get the prestigious Humble Rodent trophy

Humblerodentcopy_medium

via i1229.photobucket.com

 

Now, on to this week's opponent OBNUG. The acronym OBNUG stands for Only Boys Nightgowns and Under Garments and they are the leading supplier of Boise State male lingerie in Idaho. It is also possible that it stands for One Bronco Nation Under God, but that seems rather derivative.

BHGP citizens may remember less-than-cordial interactions with some of OBNUG's more hapless posters in the winter of 2009-2010. Let us use the hate learned in the bitterness of December to exact our final revenge on these our eventual victims.

The OBNUG Blog wrestling team has started the season fairly strong, going 3-0, with wins over 3 middle school blog teams and ESPN has begun talk of a National Championship in their future. When confronted with the weakness of their schedule their coach, "Coach Skete" as he is affectionately known, argued that is was hardly OBNUG's fault if hardly anyone in Idaho pursues their education past the 8th grade. BHGP will be facing these Boise wrestlers at home in Coraville, a fact for which they are no doubt grateful considering the sizeable home advantage OBNUG has garnered from their mat made entirely of actual grass.

 

125: BoiBlue was one of the wayward Broncos to head over to BHGP a few winters back.  He is an undersized 25 lber which is a good thing for Snacks, who has not weighed in above 90 lbs all year. In seasons past, BoiBlue has proven himself a middling wrestle, with few go to moves from the feet or the mat. Rumor has it that he has been training intensively with a guild of trolls (e.g., bridge, forest) to improve his record. So far this season, he has used snarky comments and a wayward sense of moral superiority to beat his opponents. Snacks hates that shit and I really don't see any kind of scenario in which BoiBlue doesn't leave the mall holding his balls in a jar. Snacks has superior mat and takedown skills and, with something to prove to Coach Brands, Snacks he will be out for blood. I see this as a very good opportunity for bonus points and maybe a tech fall.

BHGP 5-0

133: Oh fuck, you heard it. That's right, the Honey Badger is back in the house to wreck shit. This week's prey is none other than Loque or, as his opponents have so affectionately named him, "The Choke" for his penchant to lose to lower seeded wrestlers. Loque has been around and has the skills to prove it. He is one of OBNUG's most experienced and highest ranked wrestlers. He is known for a wicked single leg, which he often can convert into a standing cradle if his opponent is not careful. Though he has three pins on the year, he was almost upset in his last match when he was caught in a particularly brutal spladle position. He managed to escape, but had to fight back the rest of the match before pinning his opponent with a butcher.

The Honey Badger on the other hand has been showing his mettle lately after a self-described disappointing match against Nebraska. His coaches claim that he has taken his training to another level this week and he seems poised for a National Championship run. The Honey Badger quickness and complete disregard for his own pain or that which inflicts on others makes him the favorite in this match. Loque is often guilty of carelessness on the mat and I think that HB absolutely disembowels this blowhard. Honey Badger gets the pin.

BHGP 11-0

141: EnergizerHawk will be up next and, after his razor-thin win last week, he is looking for a little redemption. His opponent will be TitanBronco and it should be a tough match. TitanBronco is not much of a technician, but he is an absolute ox and has been able to muscle opponents through much of his career. I like Energizer's ankle pick ability in a match that will be all about position and getting the opponent off-balance. Energizer is a wily veteran and it will be his experience here that will win it for him, but it is going to be close. Despite the close score, I think Energizer looks much improved this week.

BHGP 14-0

149: BoilerHawk will be matching up with howiestheman, a youngster with a lot of promise but little in the way of accomplishment. howiestheman has a number of nice moves, including a blast double and near-side cradle, but he rarely finds the right moment to use them in matches. He is 2-1 on the year with an ugly loss to a 7th grade mathlete. Boiler should dominate this match and I really see this as another opportunity for the BHBIGS to not only dominate the physical bodies of their opponents, but also destroy their mental and emotional well-being. Barring some shenanigans, BoilerHawk majors or techs howiestheman and then gets fleeced on a Hawkeye shirt at Scheels.

BHGP 18-0

157: boise, the creatively-named opponent for ClaybornSmash, is a dastardly character with a sterling 3-0 record going into this dual. He is a crippler and is known for crushing fingers and gouging eyes. ClaybornSmash will have to be on guard for that kind of behavior in addition to boise's formidable offense. This is going to be a close one and while I have ultimate faith in Clayborn, I am going to mark this down as a decision for OBNUG just to avoid too much homerism.

BHGP 18-3

165: Ross is the boss, that is all you jabronis need to keep in mind. There have been a lot of doubters out there this week and the interweb has been abuzz with talk about Ross being sick or depressed. Well, stop it. None of that idle chatter has any factual basis. Ross has been and still is one of BHGP's top performers and he will reassert his dominance this week when he faces Mikrino. Mikrino has blossomed into one of the nation's top blog wrestlers after a very mediocre high school career. In his senior season at Yukon Gold High, he only won half of his matches (losing twice to potatoes). He does have about 5 years experience in Greco-Roman wrestling, but he didn't impress. His skills have greatly improved under Coach Skete and he has been just destroying people lately. None of that fucking matters though. You know why? Because Ross is angry and when that happens civilizations end. The destroyer of worlds is about to be unleashed and Mikrino, you poor bastard, you are on his shit list. Ross pins this dude and has sex with the five hottest women at Coral Ridge right on top of the Whitey's counter. All the while, he eats a five scoop cone and stares down Carfino'sWay.

BHGP 24-3

174: SaturdayMorningKegStanzis is up against Jay Weston. I don't know much about Weston, he is filling in for the regular starter, Finloopio, at this weight. SMKS mushroom stamps this fool before he goes for the pin. We can use a workout here after last week's forfeit, but I don't see this as being much of a challenge.

BHGP 30-3

184: Lycurgus is going this week. Let us hope that he is no longer feeling the effects of those peppers. He is going to be facing a tough one in Drew Roberts. Drew is the captain of the OBNUG team and is really the heart and soul of their team. Lycurgus just does not match up here and bonus points for the opposition could become a recurring theme at this weight if the coaches continue to go with him. I think we see Lycurgus here this week and probably Dip-Shit for the rest of the season.

BHGP 30-7

197: lifelongbronco is a scrappy opponent and one that has given good wrestlers fits. PackerHawk has really shown some grit this season and I just don't see lifelongbronco standing up to the mental game that Packer plays. BHGP has a real hoss in Packer and I think that this could be a very strong weight for them going into Nationals. Packer wins this match by decision.

BHGP 33-7

285: Chazz's name gets called this week and he is wrestling Egnowit. Chazz was out of practice for much of last week with drama obligations and illness, but the coach's agree that he has looked renewed and rededicated this week. Chazz is a monster heavy and I see him just overpowering Egnowit, who only stands 5'10". Chazz gets the decision here and then has sex with the five ugliest girls at Coral Ridge, while eating takeout Chinese and staring down PackerHawk.

BHGP 36-7

 

Should be another comfortable victory for the BHBIGS. See you guys there.

Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.

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