Note that I have never met any of these people. None of the names were made up. I pulled them from various postings on Corn Nation. Grixxly posts here and Wolvie showed up during Marchifornication. They may be completely normal, well-rounded humans. They also may not be portrayed as such here.
Since I’m not cleared to wrestle, I headed over to UN-L to check out the Corn Nation blog wrestling team. Coach Brands was going to oversee the first scouting trip himself, but since he has to deal with allegations that he married a Barbie doll over the weekend, he’s a little busy. On a personal note, I really pity the person behind the doctored photos when Coach Brands finds out who it was. He said something about making Gitmo seem like Honolulu. Not sure what he means, but I’m glad I won’t be finding out.
Anyway, back to blog wrestling. Ahead is the breakdown of Corn Nation’s lineup and some observations from the practice I observed.
125: brutus1382 is quick but lacks any discernable muscle definition. He is about 6’2”, so there isn’t much to this fella. His height gives him numerous advantages in neutral position, but betrays him when he’s on top and in scramble situations. My take: He’s going to need a Husker Prayer to beat either of our 125’s. CW may just force an injury forfeit if she goes for us here. If Snacks gets the nod, a major decision isn’t out of the question.
133: monsatano is a new comer to the CN team. He seems to move pretty fluidly until he gets to scrambles. His take downs are sloppy and take forever to develop, which leave him open to counters regularly. My take: If kythom can be patient here, the Honey Badger will be victorious easily, by either fall or tech fall.
141: Brian Speers is somewhat of a takedown machine. He is a 4th year starter and it shows. He’s going to be a tough match up for EnergizerHawk. After watching practice, this guy’s weakness appears to be escapes. He can’t do them. My take: If Engergizer Hawk draws first blood here, he can ride out a win. If he doesn’t, he’s going to get taken down and cut over and over for 7 minutes.
149: jd husker is very similar in style to Rambler. He responds twice to any comment. He talks a big game and seems to have talent behind his words. My take: A good challenge for Boiler Hawk (assuming Coach Brands is done with him).
157: Toby H is Corn Nation’s McDonough. He is their Metcalf. He’s a 3 time National Champion. He has lost 3 matches in his entire career. My take: Avoid giving up bonus points here. Maybe the cheerleaders can do something with this guy.
165: Grixxly. The name should sound familiar to several of you around here. Another Iowa boy that has taken his blog wrestling out of state. He has some history with Ross (http://www.blackheartgoldpants.com/2011/4/1/2085028/greatest-b1g-coaching-hire-since-1979-poll#comments) so it should be interesting to see these men keep their tempers in check. My take: Drop this sumbitch in a steel cage, toss some chairs in there and let them settle it like men.
174: Huskerlax has had problems with weight all season. As of press time, he’s about 8 pounds over, which is where I assume the last part of his name comes from. My take: We should be able to get a win here. All the work he’s put in trying to make weight could come back to hurt his conditioning.
184: Wolvie is solid, yet unspectacular mat wrestling. He excels in stand up and has tremendous upper body strength. My take: Whichever one comes out of the Lycurgus/Dip Shit wrestle-off should get this match on the mat as soon as possible.
197: KY Husker is slippery for a big guy. He is tentative in his shots and doesn’t finish them all the time. My take: Packer Hawk may dominate a more tentative opponent. Look at what he did to poor DipShit.
HWT: DH Husker Jedi thinks he can use mind control to win matches apparently. Interesting. I didn’t observe any such thing. Then again, if he’s working against Chazz, they say the force works on the weak-minded, so you never know. My take: This one is a toss-up, depending on who we send into this match.
Back at home, it appears that the cheerleaders were having some problems. The unicow is being stubborn about where it wants to stand. HawkeyeGirleye is trying to glitterize the beast, but he just doesn’t want to do it. There was one incident that was almost catastrophic with HawkeyeGirleye. The girls had just finished bedazzling their uniforms and HawkeyeGirleye went over to check on unicow. Apparently unicows like the smell of those chicken cutlet things and unicow tried to get at hers. Thankfully we still had the shed from donkeycorn and she was able to get out while Kluginator, BHNP and SMKS came over to hold it shut and lock the beast in. We’ll chalk that up to a lesson learned. Stanzi’s Ex-Girlfriend is trying to round up more mat beaters, but it’s tough when you’re spending your time trying to locate someone that allegedly married your coach. In a sign that perhaps we don’t have the depth we thought we did, SEG got tired of listening to Chazz complain about having a girl on the team. SEG went up behind Chazz, got him in a roll-up then locked in a perfect ankle lock until he tapped like it was his job.