MARCHIFORNICATION: A NEW THREAT EMERGES

Iowa_city_screwjob_medium
When we last left Captain America Herky, he had just beaten Matt Gatens via Montreal Screwjob

Caherky_icon_medium Ca-caw?
Caherky_icon_medium Coo-coo-ca-chaw!
Caherky_icon_medium Coo-coo-ca-chaw!
Caherky_icon_medium Ca-caw!  Ca-caw!
Caherky_icon_medium /flaps wings
Caherky_icon_medium /walks into back alley
Caherky_icon_medium /takes off mask

Pakiherky_medium

Pakiicon_medium That was easier than I thought.
Pakiicon_medium I really thought Gatens would be more difficult.
Pakiicon_medium Turns out I didn't even need to do anything.  Gatens got PAKIBOMBED by proxy.
Pakiicon_medium Who's next?  Who's gonna get the PAKIBOMB?
Pakiicon_medium /checks bracket

Pakifrown_medium

Pakiicon_medium AIRBHG?
Pakiicon_medium Oh no.  I can't beat AIRBHG.  I'm gonna end up concussed.  Or with a torn ACL.  Or pregnant.
Pakiicon_medium OMG OMG OMG OMG
Silhouette_icon_medium Pssst!
Pakiicon_medium AAAAAHHHHH OH NO OH NO OH NO I'M DEAD I'M DEAD I'M DEAD
Silhouette_icon_medium Psst!  Over here!
Pakiicon_medium /approaches shadowy figure
Silhouette_icon_medium Paki...

Silhouette_icon_medium You might not know me...but I know you!
Silhouette_icon_medium I know you, Paki, and I know how you can beat Angry Iowa Running Back Hating God, and everyone else in Marchifornication.
Pakiicon_medium Who are you?
Silhouette_icon_medium You can call me...


Ferentzbeard_icon_medium Birk Berentz.
Pakiicon_medium What's your secret plan, Mr. Berentz?
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium It's easy, Paki. What is more powerful than an AIRBHG, smarter than a Franimal, and faster than a DJK?
Pakiicon_medium Is this a riddle?
Ferentzbeard_icon_mediumNo, it's not a riddle.  It has an easy answer.
Pakiicon_medium Wait, wait, wait.  I know this...
Pakiicon_medium It's that Trololo guy, isn't it?
Ferentzbeard_icon_mediumNo, you fool!  It's not the Trololo guy!  It's...the social networks!
Pakiicon_medium Oh...I didn't really get that movie.
Ferentzbeard_icon_mediumNOT THE MOVIE!  The internet!  Facebook!  Twitter!
Pakiicon_medium My coach says I can't use those.
Ferentzbeard_icon_mediumI'M NOT YOUR...I mean, he's not your coach anymore!  You can use them as much as you want!
Pakiicon_medium But Mr. Berentz, how can I use Twitter to beat AIRBHG?  He's omnipotent!
Ferentzbeard_icon_mediumThink, Paki.  What does AIRBHG want more than anything?
Pakiicon_medium To destroy Iowa running backs.
Ferentzbeard_icon_mediumRight, but to what end?
Pakiicon_medium Destroying Iowa football.
Ferentzbeard_icon_mediumAnd what else could destroy Iowa football at any time?
Pakiicon_medium ...Bears?
Ferentzbeard_icon_mediumNO!  Not bears!  Information, Paki!  Information can destroy Iowa football!
Ferentzbeard_icon_mediumIf the secrets of Iowa football are revealed to the press, there's no telling what kind of damage it will do.
Pakiicon_medium Interesting.
Ferentzbeard_icon_mediumIt's more than interesting, Paki.  It's revolutionary.  You can use the social networks to your advantage.  You can disseminate the information that will destroy Iowa football.
Ferentzbeard_icon_mediumJust look what that Poggi kid did with one Facebook message.  It almost brought the entire program down.
Ferentzbeard_icon_mediumNow imagine if you leaked all the secrets.  You would beat AIRBHG at his own game!  You would destroy Stanzi and DJK.  Not even Barta would survive.  The bracket would be wide open.  MARCHIFORNICATION could be yours!
Ferentzbeard_icon_mediumAnd here is the best part, Paki.
Pakiicon_medium Go on...
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium I have all the secrets!  I can give them to you!  Together we can destroy them all!
Ferentzbeard_icon_medium MWAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!
Pakiicon_medium Yes...
Pakiicon_medium Yes, this makes all the sense in the world.
Pakiicon_medium I can use my Twitter account, @PAKIBOMB!
Pakiicon_medium I can hashtag it all for easy location by my followers!
Pakiicon_medium Marchifornication will be mine!  I can beat them!  I can beat AIRBHG and Stanzi and Bloodpunch and all the rest of them!  I can beat them all with...

 

Pakiicon_medium PAKILEAKS!

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