MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 1: CAPTAIN AMERICA HERKY VS. MATT GATENS LEGACY
by Patrick Vint on Mar 8, 2011 12:00 PM CST
in Marchifornication
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PrintSEED #4: MATT GATENS LEGACY
What did you do? Punted Todd Lickliter in the head, thereby ending his career. Formed a stable with Hawkeye legacy recruits Roy Marble Jr. and Darius Stokes. Played wrestlers in Fran McCaffery's office. Basically ripped off Randy Orton just so we could make an inside joke about Andrew Brommer and The Great Khali.
SEED #5: CAPTAIN AMERICA HERKY
What did you do? For maybe the first time ever, the athletic department embraced a grassroots meme from the students and the internet and executed it flawlessly. Captain America Herky was the natural outgrowth of the "Love It or Leave It" motto from Stanzi's Orange Bowl postgame speech, brought to the field for Hallow...
Shut up.
I beg your pardon? I said shut up or I'll punt Herky in the skull. Why would you do that? That's insane. Because I'm insane. I hear voices in my head. And I'm a viper. Or something. MKG! /drops to floor, pounds on floor with fists People like me, and nobody's quite sure why! But I'll totally punt that bird right in his enorm...
U CAN'T C ME MY TIME IS NOW /flashes hand over face /hustles /is loyal /respects Hello Iowa City how we doin' tonight? I thought I'd just stop by to... HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT MY MATCH! Devyn, I order you to take Eric May out!
Um, I'm kinda better than both of you now, so I don't really think I should be taking ord... TAKE HIM OUT OR I WILL PUNT YOU IN THE SKULL I'm not really afraid of you guys. /attacks Devyn Marble /puts Matt Gatens in the sharpshooter
Ring the bell! RING THE DAMN BELL!
/rings bell What the hell?
CAPTAIN AMERICA HERKY HAS WON BY MONTREAL SCREWJOB!
/spits on BHGP /goes to WCW
Ca-caw?
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Seems plausible.
"Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid - ever, because... this is just a ride."
by Bucketochicken on Mar 8, 2011 12:03 PM CST reply actions 2 recs
crazy
In the past 10 years, just four team owners have not paid a luxury tax and are not on pace to pay one this year: Donald Sterling, Jerry Reinsdorf, Chris Cohen (Golden State), Bob Johnson (Charlotte).
Two owners’ teams averaged an operating income of over +$10 million per year while their teams have lost over 60% of their games: Donald Sterling and Jerry Reinsdorf.
My thoughts exactly
Especially since they ruined my bracket with the elimination of DRUGS yesterday.
by PackerHawk on Mar 8, 2011 7:48 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
Ca-caw?
No, my Herky makes a screeching sound as he swoops down to kill the gophers.
Going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going.... Alright, I'll stop for now.
ca-caw = damn right
it’s true. Ran it through Google translation
"If you need a rah-rah speech at halftime, you’re playing the wrong sport." - Pat Angerer
I'm think we've established that "ca-caw, ca-caw and tookie-tookie" don't work!
Think of me like Yoda. But instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro- I'm Broda!
The toughest vote yet
But that is to be expected with a 4-5 match up. Ameri-Herky wins.
Damn you super sperm!
So why did Eric May want to stop by?
I must know!
"There are no Pan Asian supermarkets down in hell, so you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts." - The Mountain Goats
is that a contraction for "aged taints"?
the famous Lithuanian delicacy?
Darkness warshed over the Dude - darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Mar 8, 2011 4:23 PM CST up reply actions
Ameri-Herky is a sleeper in this bracket
Huge potential (I can see Legacy coming back later in the tourney though)
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
While I love Captain Herky
You do realize he’s up against AIRBHG next, right? Did you see what AIRBHG did to DRUGS/Rhabdo?
Please note that the internet does not, as of yet, have a sarcasm font.
Don't count out a little help from Stanzi, Clayborn and Ace!
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
by ClaybornSmash on Mar 8, 2011 12:50 PM CST up reply actions
Stanzi's got his own battle to fight, though.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Does the Monday Night BHGP GM
Ban members of GatensLegacy from coming out for Herky’s next match?
Yep.
Gotta vote for Captain Ameri-Hawk.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 8, 2011 8:26 PM CST up reply actions
And with that
NOW Marchifornication has officially begun. Can’t have Marchifornication without some shenanigans with the voting.
Marchifornicatio:, it’s like Chicago voting, only more corrupt.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Marchifornicatio?
Is that like Marchifornicating, only with the mouth?
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 8, 2011 1:41 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
It's Italian and it's dirty
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 8, 2011 1:46 PM CST up reply actions
Quit being redundant and repeating yourself.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 8, 2011 1:49 PM CST up reply actions
MR PATERNO WOULD LIKE A WORD WITH YOU
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
by ClaybornSmash on Mar 8, 2011 2:08 PM CST up reply actions
Mr. Paterno will be fine.
Thank you.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 8, 2011 3:51 PM CST up reply actions
Usually you have to pay double for that kind of action, Cotton.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
I thought the shenanigans started yesterday
Or does the surprise elimination/substitution of Rhabdo for DRUGS not count?
by PackerHawk on Mar 8, 2011 7:53 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
I can't believe I missed the original Legacy post.
So Fucking Awesome!
BTW, shouldn’t Cartwright and Basabe join in the fun?
No, they aren't legacies.
And therefore, can’t be Legacies.
"Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid - ever, because... this is just a ride."
by Bucketochicken on Mar 8, 2011 1:55 PM CST up reply actions
I lobbied hard for Matt McDonough to get involved since he's a legacy guy.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Would that make Brands like the main leader of the whole thing?
I got 99 donuts cuz a bitch ate one.
by Pain in the Sash on Mar 8, 2011 2:50 PM CST up reply actions
My idea was that they would try to recruit McD and he would tell them to screw off.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Then start his own with Wyatt Suess?
I got 99 donuts cuz a bitch ate one.
by Pain in the Sash on Mar 8, 2011 3:01 PM CST up reply actions
Legacy Black and Legacy Red?
Oooooooh. The plot thickens.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 8, 2011 3:52 PM CST up reply actions
Sharpshooter.
Very punny.
Also, the picture, with RDM’s smile, is greatness.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 8, 2011 1:42 PM CST reply actions
Yep, 'twas the best part.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 8, 2011 8:28 PM CST up reply actions
Booooo... Earl Hebner... Boooooooooo!
It shoulda been Little Natch.
[I went back and forth. I know that looks like “snatch” without the s, but it’s actually supposed to be the beginning of “nature”- – but how do you spell that? Naich? Naych?]
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 8, 2011 1:55 PM CST reply actions
Hey, Earl did his job, leave him alone.
Everybody’s got a price, for the Million Dollar AIRBHG.
Earl's not hard up for cash though.
psst, wanna buy some shirts out of my trunk?
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Mar 8, 2011 3:50 PM CST up reply actions
In high school we used to call alcohol (more specifically beers, but it wasn't exclusive) "shirts" when in front of parental units.
As in (actual conversation)
Friend: “I’ve got some shirts in my trunk. I hope the heat doesn’t get to em.”
Me: “Oh, I can help you out with those. We can take em to my basement where it’s nice and cool. I’m gonna snag at least one for my trouble though.”
So when I read that it seemed like Heb was offering me beer, and part of my brain got creeped out.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 8, 2011 3:57 PM CST up reply actions
I bet they never figured that out.
"Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid - ever, because... this is just a ride."
by Bucketochicken on Mar 8, 2011 6:50 PM CST up reply actions
Can we add a late entry of Charlie Sheen autotunes. Just heard it, made me find religion....of Sheen
Battles are won with a hammer, wars are won with a scalpel
link?
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 8, 2011 8:29 PM CST up reply actions
Gaten deserves it
Anybody who models his wrestling career after a coward who disgraced his country by going AWOL twice while in the Marines deserves to get a screwjob by a cosplayer dressed as a hawk dressed as Captain America.
Orton was in the Marines?
I thought that was Cena?
Movies aren’t real?
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 8, 2011 3:59 PM CST up reply actions
It was Randi
He was in the USMC. But he was kicked out for going AWOL. Coward.
I thought that guy was a complete pussy before you told me that.
Thanks for confirming it.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 8, 2011 8:29 PM CST up reply actions
Wait, what?
Clue me in here, what have I missed?
by Norm Parker's Amputated Toes on Mar 8, 2011 4:22 PM CST up reply actions
This is the only way I see anyone beating AIRBHG
I got 99 donuts cuz a bitch ate one.
by Pain in the Sash on Mar 8, 2011 2:48 PM CST reply actions
Will Marchifornication
survive the imminent reerrection of Iowa B-Ball as Fran the Man thrusts his aching Hawkeye deep into the wanting glory hole that is the NCAA Tournament? Am I wrong in assuming this is akin to the annual dungeons and dragon marathon my geeky friends and I held when nobody would go to the prom with us?
with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.
by Kluginator on Mar 8, 2011 3:06 PM CST reply actions 4 recs
Rec'd
Even if you seem to be using a non-standard definition of “glory hole”
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
ffffuuuuu
Was replying to Kluginator’s excellent comment
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 8, 2011 3:28 PM CST up reply actions
CNN news ticker..."Man allegedly karate chops air marshall."
Guess we know where MGL is today.
Damn you super sperm!
Update:
CNN apologizes to spouces of air marshalls. The headline should have read “Man allegedly karate chops air, Marshall” and it was actually an e-mail to Mr. Tucker and his band.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 8, 2011 4:02 PM CST up reply actions
Default victories are a motherfucker
I got 99 donuts cuz a bitch ate one.
by Pain in the Sash on Mar 8, 2011 4:03 PM CST up reply actions
/Marchifornication'd
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
by ClaybornSmash on Mar 8, 2011 4:11 PM CST up reply actions
not to hijack
and I doubt anyone cares, but my wounds are acting up enough that I might be out for a while. keep up the fOSU meme for me.
Didn't know you had stuff going on.
It’s F-ing Memphis, I tell you. Get well.
by The Final Gun on Mar 8, 2011 4:44 PM CST up reply actions
"Um, I'm kinda better than both of you now, so I don't really think I should be taking ord..."
Bravo, sir
My porn name is HogOfHawkness
Yep.
Gatens can’t even get respect in the FANTASIES of Hawkeye fans.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 8, 2011 8:32 PM CST up reply actions
I gotta say
I find the lack of Trololo this year quite unsettling. Either he is biding his time, ready to strike at some unsuspecting Marchifornication participant, or he has truly faded into irrelevance (after all, I forgot he existed until about 5 minutes ago). Either way, it’s hard to imagine that this year’s Marchifornication can go on without some Soviet interference.
"Lighten up Francis."
Prior to the Screwjob part this made no sense to me
And frankly I am a little ashamed that I understood the Screwjob part.
Can you educate me?
Is a Montreal Screwjob some kind of Canadian sex act? Like a Two Handed Zamboni or a Reverse Rick Moranis?
with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.
Google it.
It specifically references Bret “The Hitman” Hart’s last match in the WWE. It was supposed to be a fond farewell in his native Canada. Instead, it turned into a double-cross perpetrated by Vince McMahon & Sean Michaels in one of the extremely rare instances where a match wasn’t predetermined. There are actually some pretty excellent YouTube videos of it that make for some compelling drama.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 9, 2011 11:11 AM CST up reply actions
I'd say it was still predetermined.
It’s just that not all of the participants were on the same page…
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
And now everyone has kissed and made up, so it's water under the bridge
Think of me like Yoda. But instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro- I'm Broda!
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