MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 1: THE ADAM ROBINSON INVITATIONAL
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 7, 2011 12:00 PM CST
in Marchifornication
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PrintSeed #1: AIRBHG
What have you done?: Made Brandon Wegher take a year off then transfer; concussed the hell out of Paki O'Meara; concussed the fucking shit out of Adam Robinson; shredded Jewel Hampton's knee for a second straight year; gave Jeff Brinson a family emergency that let him transfer to UCF without a year off, then tore his ACL for good measure; broke Marcus Coker's collarbone; gave Brad Rogers a bum ticker, causing him to fail a cardiology test; pushed Josh Brown to transfer. All in one year.
Seed #8: DRUGS
What have you done?: Got DJK arrested on roughly 50 charges (only one of which stuck, mind you); finished the job AIRBHG started with Adam Robinson, getting A-Rob kicked off the team after a piddling-if-it-weren't-for-the-timing marijuana arrest; may or may not have been a very close acquantance with, let's say, 21 different players by the end of the season.
LET'S DO THIS!
YES LET'S
Um... where are the drugs?
THE DRUGS FEAR ME
Yes, I'm sure that's it. Seriously, where are the drugs?
Ring, ring!
Hello?
Mr. Goldpants, this is Dr. Crotch at the UIHC. I have b--
Hahahahahahahahaha, Dr. Crotch
Haha yeah, I know, best last name ever. I'm never changing it.
LOOOOOOL that's where the dick is
Yep! Anyway bad news. All 13 of the drugs are in the hospital as we speak.
Like, in the cupboards, or...
No, they were hospitalized with a nasty case of exertional rhabdomyolysis.
RHABDOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
I'm so sorry. Do you want to come visit the drugs here?
Are there cops there?
Yes.
Then no.
Wise move.
Thank you, Dr. Crotch. Ahahahahahaha. Crotch.
I love my name. Goodbye Mr. Goldpants.
Click!
So, uh... AIRBHG, you want to take on RHABDO instead?
LET IT BE.
That's not a god thing to say, that's John Lennon.
MAKE IT SO.
Captain Picard.
DAMN IT.
...closer, but no.
OKAY OKAY, HOW ABOUT "MY NAME IS DR. CROTCH."
HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA nice one AIRBHG, you're all right by us.
/saws BHGP's feet off
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This is like the opposite of Sophie's Choice
Who do I fear more… AIRBHG it is!
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
I fear not for Rhabdo.
That requires over-exertion that I’m not going to be party to.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 7, 2011 1:22 PM CST up reply actions
This is what you get...
When you deny fans the chance to vote for KoKaine in Marchinfornication
NO! We need to stand up to AIRBHG and defeat him!
AIRBHG thrives on our fear
by DJK's bongwater on Mar 7, 2011 12:44 PM CST up reply actions
When are visitation hours at the hospital you'll be staying at?
AIRBHG may use you as warm up for the spring sessions.
Dammit, I was hoping for a DJK vs Drugs semifinals
The subsequent made-for-TV movie on Lifetime would have been a real tear-jerker.
Shutup, I don’t have Lifetime.
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 7, 2011 12:12 PM CST reply actions
Of course I was aware of everything that happened to the RBs
But, shit, having them all listed out in one sentence really gives weight to AIRBHG’s mighty wrath. Vote against him at your own peril.
That was my thought.
That’s a hell of a 1 seed. Hard to deny the resume.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 7, 2011 1:41 PM CST up reply actions
This may be headed towards the most lopsided Marchifornication poll of all time.
And I helped.
I got 99 donuts cuz a bitch ate one.
by Pain in the Sash on Mar 7, 2011 12:23 PM CST reply actions
This is rigged. Were there not rb's among the rhabdo group?
AIRBHG was behind it too. The others were just collateral damage. And I think AIRBHG is on DRUGS. That explains why all the random shit. He sits around with all the other omnipotent beings and they are all “Dude, what would happen if like all the runnig backs got injured this year?” “And what do rainbows taste like?”
Battles are won with a hammer, wars are won with a scalpel
/sound of C.I.owA's torso exploding into a bajillion pieces
I got 99 donuts cuz a bitch ate one.
by Pain in the Sash on Mar 7, 2011 12:26 PM CST up reply actions
I think that sadistic bastard will go for my colon.
Battles are won with a hammer, wars are won with a scalpel
That will give "shitstorm" a very literal meaning.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Que Ollie Williams gif. "It's raining shit!"
Thanks Ollie
Battles are won with a hammer, wars are won with a scalpel
Ironically
I don’t think any of the RBs were laid low by Rhabdo, at least from the information on which players were that is available. That could be becasue (1) we’re down to so few, it is unlikely that an RB will be amongst a small subset of players and (2) AIRBHG arranged this to throw us of His trail while he bides his time until He unleashes the Great Spring Practice ACL-Shred-a-thon.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
I heard that was going to air live on espn ocho
Battles are won with a hammer, wars are won with a scalpel
Anyone know if the remaining running backs are even participating in post-season workouts?
I imagine they’re wrapped in bubble wrap, then placed in an anti-germ bubble (just like John Travolta and Jake Gyllenhaal!) and rolled to and from class. Gotta protect what we’ve got left.
they are actually at a secure bunker
Seven levels below Bloodpunch’s office.
"Sometimes the truth gets in the way of a good story" - KF
by The Bacon Explosion on Mar 7, 2011 2:40 PM CST up reply actions
I just hope they're still completing their coursework somehow.
We wouldn’t want them to get suspended for "academic indigestion."
They are allowed to complete coursework...
but only with soft charcoal and paper with no sharp edge. No computers, due to the chance of electrocution.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 7, 2011 10:12 PM CST up reply actions
You're not even an Iowa fan.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Patrick Vint on Mar 7, 2011 12:28 PM CST up reply actions
No, but he is a fan of Brent Musberger saying "the young man from DAKOTA Dunes."
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
He's just jealous because I have more comments here than he does.
"Hi, I'm Bob Evil!"
by ReadingRambler on Mar 7, 2011 1:24 PM CST up reply actions
1) Neither is your mom.
2) David Taylor, bitch.
"Hi, I'm Bob Evil!"
by ReadingRambler on Mar 7, 2011 1:24 PM CST up reply actions
2) David Taylor, bitch.
That’s not going to get old over the next 3 years…
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
by ClaybornSmash on Mar 7, 2011 1:33 PM CST up reply actions
It got old a week and a half ago.
"Hi, I'm Bob Evil!"
by ReadingRambler on Mar 7, 2011 1:34 PM CST up reply actions
Rambler, you forgot to hit the shift key again.
David Taylor < bitch
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt
David Taylor is a bitch.
He had people like Quinten Wright and Cameron Wade wrestling a) out of their minds and b) when he only had the team to wrestle for, and Taylor almost loss and looked like shit the entire match. It would have been hilarious had they lost the team title because he lost the individual title.
And Kellen Russell got jobbed.
In the past 10 years, just four team owners have not paid a luxury tax and are not on pace to pay one this year: Donald Sterling, Jerry Reinsdorf, Chris Cohen (Golden State), Bob Johnson (Charlotte).
Two owners’ teams averaged an operating income of over +$10 million per year while their teams have lost over 60% of their games: Donald Sterling and Jerry Reinsdorf.
I can't tell if this is serious or not.
In any event, you’ve an interesting definition of looking “like shit”. From my perspective, it was a very even match but Taylor is currently just a little bit stronger and definitely quicker.
"Hi, I'm Bob Evil!"
by ReadingRambler on Mar 7, 2011 3:23 PM CST up reply actions
Once DSJ learns how to stop giving Taylor the ankle pick (all of Taylor's TD's were off this)
this match becomes almost a coin flip
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
by ClaybornSmash on Mar 7, 2011 4:22 PM CST up reply actions
That was driving me crazy yesterday. UGH!!!
Right now Taylor is SOOO much quicker than DSJ. There was a point where DSJ should have gotten an escape, Taylor was practically not touching him when he was on top, and DSJ couldn’t move fast enough to get out from underneath. I’m not sure how much speed DSJ can pick up, though.
I’m not sure how much speed DSJ can pick up, though.
Ask DRUGS
by PackerHawk on Mar 8, 2011 12:16 AM CST up reply actions 1 recs
DJK, not DSJ
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 8, 2011 8:13 AM CST up reply actions
No, I meant DSJ
As in, how much speed can he purchase. Not how much speed can he purchase from his roommate.
You're just jealous
because DJK had an insanely fast speed delivery system
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 9, 2011 12:52 AM CST up reply actions
Not really
Uppers just weren’t my thing. His painkiller and weed delivery system did make me jealous. Not anymore does my jealousy linger what with this whole sobriety thing and all.
Different levels...
St. John will never be as talented as Taylor. He’ll need to change weights to win the big tweleven or the ncaas. Can you say 4 time all american and no time champion?
I disagree.
While Taylor looked much quicker, I’d say DSJ has at least a 20% shot to win a national title.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 8, 2011 9:37 PM CST up reply actions
I said "okay" not "happy"
splitting hairs, but it was intentional. I’m sure he’d prefer 4 time champ with no team titles, but as a fan I would prefer it the other way around.
The proper vote is for Rhabdo.
Wait…here me out! I know AIRBHG is the who Kanye West is singing about in “Power”, but these are facts:
1) Attempting to defeat AIRBHG is a lost cause;
2) The Patron Saint of Lost Causes is St. Jude;
3) St. Jude’s is a hospital in Memphis, TN;
4) Memphis, TN was named after an ancient city in Egypt;
5) After fleeing Egypt numerous Jews were killed by a mysterious illness that Wikipedia says may have been rhabdomyolysis;
6) Ergo, by the transitive property, rhabdo killed AIRBHG.
You’re welcome Hawkeye running backs.
"There are no Pan Asian supermarkets down in hell, so you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts." - The Mountain Goats
by cafreema on Mar 7, 2011 12:40 PM CST reply actions 4 recs
um...
what.
"If you're easily offended, we thank you for stopping by but ask that you turn your browser elsewhere." -- BHGP Disclaimer
by SaturdayMorningKegStanzis on Mar 7, 2011 12:49 PM CST up reply actions
Except Memphis
sucks! Really! I live here. You know what they call the bad part of Memphis? Memphis. In fact Memphis sucks out our soul. /ripppp AH! My ACL!!!
AND ELVIS IS DEAD. REALLY REALLY DEAD.
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Mar 7, 2011 1:56 PM CST up reply actions
I think you made a big leap between 5 and 6
5.5) Jews=AIRBHG????
At first I was confused, but NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE!
Sage Rosenfels is behind the Iowa running back epidemic!
You got no fear of the underdog; That's why you will not survive!
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Mar 7, 2011 1:20 PM CST up reply actions
Rosenfels is jewish?
Really? I never would have guessed.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 7, 2011 1:44 PM CST up reply actions
Dr. Rosenpenis
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 7, 2011 10:18 PM CST up reply actions
So you're saying AIRBHG isn't a vengeful god,
but just a mohel who keeps missing the mark?
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Mar 7, 2011 2:04 PM CST up reply actions
That's a pretty gutsy bet, man.
"Hi, I'm Bob Evil!"
by ReadingRambler on Mar 7, 2011 1:35 PM CST up reply actions
I'll say it again.
AIRBHG IS DEAD!
"There are no Pan Asian supermarkets down in hell, so you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts." - The Mountain Goats
Mmmm...Sweet Corn Festival.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt
Good lord
Out of sheer fear do I vote for AIRBHG
Please note that the internet does not, as of yet, have a sarcasm font.
As always, the real winner is...
…some D2 school who is willing to take our druggies, our wretched knee-blown RBs.
If Jesus believed himself to be real, he was a Christian AND a Jew. Your bumper sticker is now invalid.
And the other 91% appease the...
wait…
wait… spidermathsenses tingling…
WHERE IS THE OTHER 1%?!
Brunettes not fighter jets
I wonder if AIRBHG has a "Winning" tattoo?
With Charlie Sheen have one, I don’t think is a coincidence…
"Mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!" And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
by The Bird Cult on Mar 7, 2011 1:57 PM CST up reply actions
I think AIRBAG has to win this whole thing.
He tried to take out literally, every single running back Iowa had. And damn near succeeded. It’s just that Coker is too fucking awesome to let a thing like a broken collar bone for the first half of the first season of his college career stop him. I mean, it’s really hard to imagine what the Insight Bowl would have been like if Coker… yikes.
In the past 10 years, just four team owners have not paid a luxury tax and are not on pace to pay one this year: Donald Sterling, Jerry Reinsdorf, Chris Cohen (Golden State), Bob Johnson (Charlotte).
Two owners’ teams averaged an operating income of over +$10 million per year while their teams have lost over 60% of their games: Donald Sterling and Jerry Reinsdorf.
Way to summon the evil
AIRBHG 2011 “Things to do list”
1. Finish taxes (even AIRBHG doesn’t mess with the IRS).
2. Order MLB package on DirecTV.
3. Fuck up Coker!
Damn you super sperm!
by Feelin' Orney on Mar 7, 2011 1:23 PM CST up reply actions
Huh, I had pegged AIRBHG as a Dish subscriber.
Going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going.... Alright, I'll stop for now.
by EnergizerHawk on Mar 7, 2011 1:31 PM CST up reply actions
I'd say Mediacom
he has a thing for faulty cable connections.
I got 99 donuts cuz a bitch ate one.
by Pain in the Sash on Mar 7, 2011 1:34 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Order MLB package on DirecTV.
AIRBHG is, of course, a Yankee fan.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 7, 2011 10:22 PM CST up reply actions
Well he was a Devil Rays fan, but after the name change his allegiances shifted
Maybe he’s just not a fan of anybody. Although I did hear that he may actually be Bartman.
Surprise!
Mediacom is not listed as one of the forward-thinking cable companies bringing cable to the iPad/internet in this article.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 7, 2011 1:50 PM CST up reply actions
Well played sir
cable connections equates to ACL’s… very well played
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
by ClaybornSmash on Mar 7, 2011 1:54 PM CST up reply actions
He splices into his neighbor's cable.
He’s a cheapskate, and his neighbor gets the Playboy Channel.
(Does the Playboy Channel even exist anymore, or is it just called E! now?)
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 7, 2011 1:47 PM CST up reply actions
I get Playboy on Cox (Cable)
Fitting, right?
My wife made sure Cox carried Playboy before making the final decision. With due respect to Mr. Sheen, that is bi-winning.
Damn you super sperm!
by Feelin' Orney on Mar 7, 2011 3:44 PM CST up reply actions
AIRBHG says "VOTE FOR ME"
Or 2004 and 2010 will look the nice guy act of the decade
Rhabdo? Not a chance.
AIRBHG is probably still fucking with Sam Brownlee just for fun.
Damn you super sperm!
Think carefully about your vote
AIRBHG holds an incredible grudge. Look how long he waited to take out Eddie Podolak!!! AIRBHG shows no mercy, and there is no statute of limitations when it comes to him.
Theory:
AIRBHG was born before the 1986 Rose Bowl when Ronnie Harmon’s bookie’s wizard brother created him.
"Hi, I'm Bob Evil!"
by ReadingRambler on Mar 7, 2011 1:49 PM CST up reply actions
v vv nvv. v vv vv. v. v. b v. v v v v v v. v vv. v
by stanzi's ex-girlfriend on Mar 7, 2011 1:40 PM CST reply actions
SHIT!
SEG’s having a stroke! She must have voted Rhabdo.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 7, 2011 1:48 PM CST up reply actions
Nah
Someone just take the ball gag out of her mouth
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
by ClaybornSmash on Mar 7, 2011 1:55 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
wow
"Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid - ever, because... this is just a ride."
by Bucketochicken on Mar 7, 2011 2:03 PM CST up reply actions
LOL.
But that would sound more like MMMPH MMPH MMMMPHH
by stanzi's ex-girlfriend on Mar 7, 2011 3:47 PM CST up reply actions
You would know
HEYOOOO!
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
by ClaybornSmash on Mar 7, 2011 4:23 PM CST up reply actions
Ok, I definitely do not get this reference.
Going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going.... Alright, I'll stop for now.
by EnergizerHawk on Mar 8, 2011 12:36 AM CST up reply actions
Pulp Fiction.
Marsellus Wallace with the ball gag. Butch kills the Zed, one of the guys that kidnapped MW and provided the ball gag, and steals Zed’s motorcycle. Butch’s gf askes who Zed is, Butch says “Zed’s dead, baby, Zed’s dead.” End scene.
not a motorcycle, it's a chopper
"Sometimes the truth gets in the way of a good story" - KF
by The Bacon Explosion on Mar 8, 2011 8:12 AM CST up reply actions
I have no idea how why I posted that... my daughter must have been messing with my ipad.
by stanzi's ex-girlfriend on Mar 7, 2011 3:47 PM CST up reply actions
NO.
You probably enjoyed it.
Going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going.... Alright, I'll stop for now.
by EnergizerHawk on Mar 7, 2011 4:31 PM CST up reply actions
Angry Iowa Running Back Hating God?
Gets my vote. 1, drugs are bad, mmmmkay? 2, if I appease AIRBHG, he may continue to hate Iowa Running Backs, and keep his focus off of my team.
It’d be nice if AIRBHG would replace Angry Nebraska Woman Hating God.
"Hi, I'm Bob Evil!"
by ReadingRambler on Mar 7, 2011 1:46 PM CST up reply actions
Look at Purdue
Enough said
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
by ClaybornSmash on Mar 7, 2011 1:55 PM CST up reply actions
I am looking forward to "UNL" sticking
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 8, 2011 8:15 AM CST up reply actions
As am I.
Going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going.... Alright, I'll stop for now.
by EnergizerHawk on Mar 8, 2011 10:12 AM CST up reply actions
The Original Post had Drugs as the #8 Seed
Granted, it got changed to Rhadbo in the voting window. But once I looked up who AIRBHG was, it didn’t really matter who or what got thrown into the mix against him.
And don’t hold my slowness against UNL, I never attended. I’m just a fan and ticket holder.
ZOMG YOU'RE A TAVERN HUSKER!!
/CF’d
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
by ClaybornSmash on Mar 8, 2011 8:50 AM CST up reply actions
Now that was a beautiful callback.
Cyclone Fanatic would probably go apeshit about all the “Wal-Mart Wolverines” in Michigan, too.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
You may not be educated enough to understand
(that’s a dickish hint)
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 8, 2011 2:43 PM CST up reply actions
So, a “tavern” Husker (or whatever term originated from this Cyclone Fanatic…hey, at least there’s one in the world), would be some rube in the boonies who likes said team, but can’t be a “true” fan because they didn’t attend the school and have some sort of deep emotional bond to a university that they didn’t spend several years at frittering away at parties while trying to bed the next generation of female meth heads?
/rambling rant at a “superior” Cyclone fan
Is that the general gist? I’m one of “those” fans who didn’t go to school?
Pretty much
The general idea at CF is, unless you went to a particular school, you have no right to be a fan.
That's a pretty solid retort to that ridiculous premise they have
especially for somebody who couldn’t even get into UNL
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 8, 2011 9:41 PM CST up reply actions
It’s really not all that difficult to understand (well, maybe I’m just thinking of this too simply). The number of College teams bring about a sense of state/regional pride. States like Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Alabama, Idaho, etc. don’t have pro teams that get mass-media coverage like California, Texas, Florida, and so on.
Does Notre Dame only have alumni for fans? Is that how they can get away with being Independent and having NBC lick their boots (for however long that will last)?
Do you think schools could fill 90,000 seat stadiums with only alumni? Hell no. Just ask ISU, they can’t fill their own 55,000 seat stadium unless Iowa or Nebraska fans are buying up tickets.
1 – I’m a donor and season ticket holder. The school doesn’t care I’m not alumni, they’re not turning down my check. They’re happy I’m a fan.
2 – I’m a freakin’ TAXPAYER. That gives myself, and everyone else who pays to support their local state-supported school the right to be a fan if they wish.
It could be the late hour, but I never used to hate on ISU…but I’m starting to feel it.
Really, most ISU fans are good people
CF seems to contain the crazy minority that are known to all fandoms. I expect some from Nebby as well.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 9, 2011 8:28 AM CST up reply actions
Yeah, I know.
I work with an ISU alum. She says I’m the only reason she doesn’t think every NU fan are horrible arrogant a-holes.
I don’t know WHERE we get that kind of reputation (coughGreatestFansInCollegeFootballcough). ;-)
I just really resent the implication I can’t be a good/real fan of a team because I didn’t go there.
You take my dickishness towards you with a good amount of humor and thoughtful response
/narrows eyes in suspicion
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 9, 2011 3:06 PM CST up reply actions
This'll probably get lost on here, but...
I know what most of those drugs are, but WTF is that in the middle of the shroom, hash, ecstacy, and what looks like blotter acid in a baggy? And what is that stuff at the top (above the pot)?
Okay, and when did orange peel become a drug (that thing next to the heroin?)?
I’m guessing that two of them are peyote and mescaline?
Any guesses?
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 7, 2011 2:28 PM CST reply actions
And what is that stuff at the top (above the pot)?
Wild rice? It’s a heluva drug.
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Mar 7, 2011 2:36 PM CST up reply actions
Uncle Ben isn't smiling on the box for nothing.
Peyote
Battles are won with a hammer, wars are won with a scalpel
No, the green piece of dried plant matter Eyeheart is asking about is definitely a peyote button
and peyote seeds are round, not oblong so that’s not it either. Maybe it’s some derived form of mescaline with which I’m not familiar.
Thanks
I’m a nerd, so I researched everything I did before doing it. Of course that never stopped me from deciding the pros outweighed the cons.
I wasn’t sure if you worked in law enforcement of some sort and had a better knowledge of drugs than me, so thank you for the acknowledgment.
I think his name tips that he was certainly in some sort of "The Man"
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 9, 2011 12:54 AM CST up reply actions
Are you and Bellanca old friends?
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 7, 2011 3:23 PM CST up reply actions
In the middle
I’m going to guess hashbrownie
Please note that the internet does not, as of yet, have a sarcasm font.
They are no hashbrownies
Now put on your clothes white boy.
/Eurotrip’d
Damn you super sperm!
by Feelin' Orney on Mar 7, 2011 3:50 PM CST up reply actions
I don't. know what any of them are.
The wildest thing I ever did was smoke a stick of cinnamon in 7th grade on a bet.
by stanzi's ex-girlfriend on Mar 7, 2011 3:49 PM CST up reply actions
I once snorted a line of salt at KFC.
Bad idea.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt
The ICPD is getting crazy
When did Advil and Excedrin become illegal? And the boner pills they sell at 7-11? Really?
Damn you super sperm!
by Feelin' Orney on Mar 7, 2011 3:54 PM CST up reply actions
I love that commercial with the lady scrubbing her floor with a toothbrush and the upbeat song that goes, "Mmmm, meth! MMMMM, METH!"
by stanzi's ex-girlfriend on Mar 7, 2011 3:59 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Me, too.
Everybody out here on the east coast thinks I’m crazy when I try to describe it. If anyone can find the video online, please post the link.
Awesome.
I had looked for it in the past, and never been able to find it.
I haven't seen that in years. That is great.
Battles are won with a hammer, wars are won with a scalpel
Thanks. This video got me into a YouTube-chain that led me here:
by The Final Gun on Mar 7, 2011 10:47 PM CST up reply actions
Link? I'm curious.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 7, 2011 10:55 PM CST up reply actions
Um, way to be a Debbie Downer.
by stanzi's ex-girlfriend on Mar 7, 2011 11:13 PM CST up reply actions
Really? Really?
That’s me, I guess, serving up your daily dose of reality. Actually, this commercial made me feel incredible. I know there’s crappy stuff out there. It’s awesome to be reminded that there’s great people out there too.
by The Final Gun on Mar 7, 2011 11:17 PM CST up reply actions
Also, I cried. I don't think I've ever cried because of a commercial. I really only do it a few times a year.
by The Final Gun on Mar 7, 2011 11:17 PM CST up reply actions
I'm a clinically diagnosed hypochondriac so it is wise of me to avoid anything of that nature.
I don’t watch medical shows, don’t like watching or reading things where anyone has some kind of disease, is dying, or any other tragedy ensues.
I was a fucking mess when this RHABDO thing came out. I think i gained like five pounds that week.
by stanzi's ex-girlfriend on Mar 7, 2011 11:29 PM CST up reply actions
Yeah, I should have included the standard disclaimer:
“This commercial contains brief images of a child with cancer. If you are a clinically-diagnosed hypochondriac who avoids exposure to medical themes, do not watch this video.”
My bad.
Also, did you gain the five pounds due to stress eating? Or were you drinking a ton of fluids to avoid rhabdo (this would be hilarious, but serious)? How hard was being a real hypochondriac and being pregnant?
by The Final Gun on Mar 7, 2011 11:33 PM CST up reply actions
I was afraid I was gonna get teh Rhabdo if I exercised too much I guess.
My hypochondria eased up a lot while I was pregnant. Constantly going to the doctor and getting blood tests and shit is reassuring to me, so that was the best it had been in a long time. And now my baby keeps me so busy it’s really gotten better. I don’t have time to sit around and worry about shit like I used to. But yeah, still try to avoid shit like medical dramas and such so I don’t think about that stuff too much.
BUT ANYWAY. Now that I’ve thoroughly freaked everyone out………
by stanzi's ex-girlfriend on Mar 7, 2011 11:49 PM CST up reply actions
Nah. Everybody's got weird stuff going on.
Some of us aren’t as open about it. But nobody reading what you’re saying is freaked out. People are quirky.
by The Final Gun on Mar 7, 2011 11:52 PM CST up reply actions
Truth there
SEG’s onion does seem to have many layers, though.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 8, 2011 8:20 AM CST up reply actions
And some of them involve sex
So quirks are totally OK.
by imadirtyoldman on Mar 8, 2011 10:33 AM CST up reply actions
I thought you were weird...
before the hypochondriasis revelation.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 8, 2011 9:44 PM CST up reply actions
I love apt usernames
You, SomeJerkPoster, and there’s a couple others I’m forgetting that I’ve appreciated.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 9, 2011 12:57 AM CST up reply actions
That's actually a really sweet video.
I don’t always go for sweet, but really- – that is why kids are so much better than the rest of us.
Watching that also kinda made me feel like a reverse Holden Caulfield, where I want kids to be okay and to take to a field to put them out of their misery (not in real life just in books).
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 8, 2011 12:16 AM CST up reply actions
That's alright, but Canadians make way better PSAs.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Mar 8, 2011 5:42 AM CST up reply actions
Canadians are fucking crazy. And scary.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
You're scared of Canadians?
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 8, 2011 10:18 AM CST up reply actions
Only the ones who make PSAs.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Ah. I just found it funny that you might be scared of guys like this
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 8, 2011 10:36 AM CST up reply actions
No, them I just squish between my thumb and forefinger.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
This is mine.
Just looking for some ulcer medicine, Chazz.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Mar 8, 2011 11:25 AM CST up reply actions
Guys, I'm not fucking around.
Don’t mess with the Canadians.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt
Damn it.
Randy got cut out of the picture, now I’m really mad.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt
@JerkPoster
That was pretty funny.
KITH FTW!
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 8, 2011 9:57 PM CST up reply actions
Is this series good?
My brother raves about it all the time, but I’ve not gotten around to checking it out yet.
Yeah, it's pretty good.
You can find lots of TPB on Netflix Watch Instantly.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt
Canadians ARE crazy. That is a fact. All of them. Not just the PSA-makers.
And any Iowan that thinks Minnesotans are the worst drivers: you haven’t seen anything unless you’ve seen someone with Manitoba license plates screaming down the interstate at 80 mph when there is 1/4" of ice under 4" of snow on the ground.
/End rant
Think of me like Yoda. But instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro- I'm Broda!
Are PSAs like this the reason behind the Free Quebec movement?
I say yes.
"Hi, I'm Bob Evil!"
by ReadingRambler on Mar 8, 2011 1:26 PM CST up reply actions
Holy fucking shit!
That is all. Holy fucking shit!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt
This is all I have to say as well.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 9, 2011 11:15 AM CST up reply actions
Wow, I had never seen that
And honestly, I was against meth before, but anything with a jingle that catchy is worth a try. It’s why I patronize Linder Tire Service, too.
“Come to Linder Tire Service/
For quality tires… and service.”
by Horace E. Cow on Mar 7, 2011 4:23 PM CST up reply actions
When I was pregnant and couch-bound due to morning sickness, Windmill Pointe was the bane of my existence.
WINDMILL POINTE
WHERE NEIGHBORS ARE FRIENDS AND LIFE IS CAREFREE
SIMPLY THE FINEST.
But the best jingle is one I grew up with:: Oooooohh ahh, ooooh ahh, only at Mattress Giant. Oooh, ahh. Only at Mattress Giant. OOOOOOOHHHHH AAAAAAHHHHHHH.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AR9otiTBfwE
by stanzi's ex-girlfriend on Mar 7, 2011 4:50 PM CST up reply actions
Since we've reached the sharing TV ads point of this thread...
Eastern Motors out here in DC had the best local commercials I’ve ever seen. My favorite was the one with Biz Markie.
That brings back memories.
Also, I can’t believe this is still on the air, but apparently nobody has sued the living bejeezus out of Lebeda for their ad. Offending Couplet 1:
“The greatest mattress in America/
everybody knows it’s Lebeda”
…which is bad and wrong enough on its own, but doesn’t hold a fucking candle to this irresponsible claim:
“When you sleep the whole night through/
all of your dreams will come true.”
Then it finishes off with the execrable “Lebeda/Lebeda/everybody knows it’s… Lebeda.”
Ceci n'est pas un blogue.
Where. Didja get that smile. DENTAL TOUCH ASSOCIATES.
Yet another great thing about moving to Iowa was learning all the local jingles.
Fittings Unlimiteeeed. Helping you back to a be-tter life.
by stanzi's ex-girlfriend on Mar 7, 2011 11:10 PM CST up reply actions
Growing up in Chicago-land
“Call 588-2300. Empire! "
Incredibly effective jingle and commercials. Not only do I know exactly what they sell (carpets and flooring), but their phone number is the part of the jingle I most remember.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 7, 2011 7:50 PM CST up reply actions
They always showed it during the Bozo Show!
Think of me like Yoda. But instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro- I'm Broda!
Yep.
I watched so much Bozo, it is a wonder I wasn’t brainwashed into being a Cub fan from the ads alone.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 7, 2011 10:31 PM CST up reply actions
Yeah, that's growing up anywhere with WGN on the tv
Because of the aforementioned Bozo Show and Cubs’ games.
Huh. Didn't realize it was on WGN and therefore nationwide
So why no area code in the jingle? FYI, there is an area code now (888 or 800, can’t recall) when I saw an updated commercial a couple years ago when back visiting family.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 8, 2011 8:24 AM CST up reply actions
No commercial can ever compare with...
Make no mistake … This. Is a BIG ONE.
I wouldn’t even consider getting my electric motor service from anyone buy Janda.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt
KGAN put on a lot of lame ads.
The Janda ad, included.
I’m usually proud to be an Iowan, but this KGAN production makes me reconsider:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TrUY9hripw
(I don’t think any of the newscasters in that clip are even there anymore).
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 7, 2011 10:36 PM CST up reply actions
That's the bear facts, folks
Fixed right…fixed fast…Bou-bin.
You got no fear of the underdog; That's why you will not survive!
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Mar 8, 2011 12:52 AM CST up reply actions
We went out to Columbus for the football game last year
and on the way out there we probably saw 253 signs for Tom Raper RVs. The man owns the state of Indiana. Which reminds me, if you owned a car dealership and your name was Dick Witham, wouldn’t you just name that shit after the town your from or something?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt
I read that as Dick Whitman
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 8, 2011 9:20 PM CST up reply actions
There is a large car dealer in Waterloo
who changed the name of his dealership a few years ago from Dick Witham Ford to Witham Auto Group. Seriously, you’d have a difficult time thinking up a better name for a car dealer than Dick Witham and Witham Auto Group is not one of them.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt
Very true.
Although, my family had few problems with the Ford Aerostar minivan that we bought from what was then Dick Witham Ford.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 8, 2011 10:00 PM CST up reply actions
well then, you go back there and dicker with em about the price you paid
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 8, 2011 10:09 PM CST up reply actions
Good line.
But what I’m saying is that we had very few problems, it was a good vehicle (and so, I’m giving the dealership credit).
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 8, 2011 10:17 PM CST up reply actions
I read it as "a" few problems. Oh well, it's late and I still like my stupid joke.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 8, 2011 11:00 PM CST up reply actions
I've never seen that one
Just the
“Linder tire service, where we put service first” Maybe that’s a classic ad with which I’m not familiar.
that commercial....
makes it seem kinda good. Like, when I get home from work and my wife asks me for help with some housework; it gets me thinking…
About the same commercial as 5 Hour Energy, if you ask me.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 8, 2011 10:40 AM CST up reply actions
I was pretty sure that was a kettle chip
And those sure as shit better be illegal narcotics.
Ceci n'est pas un blogue.
I like that youre post titled "This'll probably get lost on here"
ended up getting the most responses. (Although many/most of them were not exactly responding to your question.)
and AIRBHG said unto the 8th seed
drugs, fear me not
you have let thyself steer a few wrong
those close to but not close enough to AIRBHG
to damage the vitals
you took a good lad
led him astray and made him the wrath of Captain Kirk
but ye have little strength
you have no first round pics
you now are the antithesis of all who wear the black
and gold
and ye shall not
begin to match
the wisdom strength of AIRBHG
long live the pellican whore
I don't intend to upset folks with the way I write it just happens,,,
LET IT BE would technically be Paul McCartney, not John Lennon, because
Paul sang and wrote that particular song.
At first I was pissed because DRUGS got a really shitty seeding.
Now I’m just hoping DRUGS makes it out of the hospital soon ‘cause, you know, spring break’s coming up real soon. We were gonna carpool.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
To Tijuana, I assume.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Spring Break in Mexico rules.
I was too poor to go to Spring Break in college so we drove to Rosarito (15 miles south of TJ) for it when we were 26 and living in San Diego. Old me wanted to kick young me in the ass for not finding a way to afford it earlier.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Mar 8, 2011 10:21 AM CST up reply actions
Nah, Panama City Beach.
Gotta go thrifting and find me one of these weekend hats.
"They're not people, James Ingram. They're Jimmy Buffett fans."
by SomeJerkPoster on Mar 8, 2011 11:30 AM CST up reply actions
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