The Adventures of Stanzi and DJK (Part 1)

May 5, 2011.

Ricky Stanzi's swollen eyes opened to the sound of his ringtone. I'm proud to be an American... where at least I know I'm-

"Hello?"

"Yo, Rick. It's DJK."

"What do you want?"

"Listen, man. I know you're bummed about not getting drafted. So am I. But I found a way that could get us into the NFL."

Stanzi sat up in bed and hugged his knees, his sleepy eyes slowly coming into focus as he stared at the poster of Bella and Edward on the opposite wall. "What do you mean?"

"I heard of this place called Riverview. They got their own arena football team, and I heard if you make it all the way to the top there, you gotta chance at the NFL. My dad already rented a house for me out there. It's our last shot, man. We gotta take it. Together."

Stanzi got up and walked over to his mirror. He'd been a mess these past few days. Why God? he wondered. Was I not American enough? Was it because I cut my hair?  Was it because I didn't vote in the last election?

But the time for sitting around feeling sorry for himself was over.

"I'm in," he said.

And so begins... 

Stanzi packed his bags and drove all night to get to Riverview.

"Damn, I wish my dad was a doctor..." Stanzi whistled to himself.

After a long day of unpacking, DJK decided he was going to check out the local gym, but Stanzi was more interested in checking out Riverview's ped mall.

DJK discovered he was a little rusty on the treadmill. And apparently word of Iowa's training misfortunes had spread even to the remote town of Riverview. Discouraged, DJK headed home. Starting over wasn't going to be as easy as he thought.

Meanwhile, Stanzi found a comfortable spot in the Riverview ped mall where he could relax and catch up on his reading. He was just about to find out what happened to Patrick Henry when he saw someone engaging in possibly un-American behavior.

A grey-haired hippie was running through the Ped Mall shouting obscenities about co-ops and non-American mythical sea creatures, to which any self-respecting patriot like Stanzi could not ignore. Thinking of himself, and how patriotic he was being at that moment, he took off behind her.

Unfortunately Stanzi forgot he isn't much of a runner. 

After chasing her for a few more minutes, he gave up and headed back to the ped mall. A friendly voice called out to him, "Hey! Aren't you Ricky Stanzi? I'm Linda. I'm a HUGE fan."

Wow! He had no idea he had fans all the way out here.

"Did you see that dirty hippie who was running through here a few minutes ago?" she asked, and thus Stanzi made his very first friend in Riverview. 

"Did you know that Tyler Sash likes TOFURKEY? HAHAHAHA!"

"Really? He's a SECRET hippie??"

Feeling better about his new town now that he had made a like-minded friend, Stanzi headed home.

He took a long, hot shower to wash off any lingering smells of patchouli he might have contracted from being in such close contact with a genuine hippie...

...and relaxed in his new room.

DJ_Koulianos First nite in Riverview. Had a bad day at the gym but gonna hit it hard 2mrw.

DJ_Koulianos any fine ladies in riverview wanaa meet up w me i'm headed 2 the grind dance club

VictoriaPlum hey @DJ_Koulianos i'll c u there

DJ_Koulianos @VictoriaPlum ok girl hope u got katy perry face n nicki minaj's ass*

TO BE CONTINUED...

*This is 85% a real tweet from DJK.