MARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET UPDATE: RECALIBRATION TUESDAY

by Adam Jacobi on Mar 15, 2011 2:30 PM CDT in Marchifornication

Here's the updated field of eight. Hey, have you noticed that "Elite Eight" is a stupid nickname? Like, I get why they named it that, because people like alliteration (Final Four, Sweet Sixteen, etc.), but the Es in "Elite" and "Eight" aren't pronounced the same, so it doesn't sound right out loud. Plus it just seems forced. Why not the "Great Eight"? Is it because it sounds too much like "Grape Ape"?

Grape Ape.

I digress. Anyway, the bracket.

What matchup intrigues you the most here? Personally, I'm looking forward to the one where we don't make up some stupid reason why one of the contestants was eliminated without any voting. Which is probably going to be like none of them. Hey, what's Marchifornication if it isn't fraught with controversy, shenanigans, and foolery of all toms?

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If Vegas allowed betting on this,

I’d put my life savings on Pelican of the Night to beat the Inconsolable One.

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.

-- Judge Smails

by WaterlooChazz on Mar 15, 2011 2:39 PM CDT reply actions

That's assuming that it comes to a vote...

I think Vint and Jacobi have it out for Pelican Whore

"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable

by ClaybornSmash on Mar 15, 2011 2:47 PM CDT up reply actions

I think Pollard chokes a bitch to death out of frustration to get a shot at Bloodpunch.

"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me

by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 15, 2011 2:51 PM CDT up reply actions

Really, hasn't Pollard brought us more enjoyment this year than the Pelican of the Night?

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

by RossWB on Mar 15, 2011 2:54 PM CDT up reply actions

Exactly.

And he’ll do whatever it takes to make it to the next round.

"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me

by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 15, 2011 2:57 PM CDT up reply actions

Maybe Pollard has brought YOU more enjoyment...

but that just means you’re not hanging out with the Pelican enough.

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.

-- Judge Smails

by WaterlooChazz on Mar 15, 2011 3:04 PM CDT up reply actions

I stay away from her.

I don’t want to catch any BTD’s she might have.

"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me

by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 15, 2011 3:24 PM CDT up reply actions

Thought I'd be the only one who would vote for Pollard before PWhore.

PWhore’s good for a laugh but Pollard is just, well, he’s Pollard. He’s entertainment you don’t have to pay for.

The competition between BLOODPUNCH and dinosaur racecars is the one that excites me the most. Cannot wait for that battle.

by stanzipants on Mar 15, 2011 3:36 PM CDT up reply actions

I will probably go with Pollard

because he has an incredible body of work this year. I hate to see Pelican Whore go though

"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable

by ClaybornSmash on Mar 15, 2011 3:53 PM CDT up reply actions

I agree, he has a more solid body of work this year.

by Carfino'sWay on Mar 15, 2011 6:19 PM CDT up reply actions

THE CONSPIRACY REVEALS ITSELF

Enjoy your CBS money, douchebag.

"Yeah! I'll take a walk....over to Kirk Douglas's house!"

by ReadingRambler on Mar 15, 2011 3:58 PM CDT up reply actions

I don't see a dime from the All-Seeing Eye of Les Moonves.

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

by RossWB on Mar 15, 2011 4:27 PM CDT up reply actions

But you WANT to have that dime - and more.

That’s what matters.

"Yeah! I'll take a walk....over to Kirk Douglas's house!"

by ReadingRambler on Mar 15, 2011 5:50 PM CDT up reply actions

Indeed.

Heaven forbid I would want to earn money for doing something I enjoy.

Don’t mind me, I’ll just be over in the corner flogging myself.

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

by RossWB on Mar 15, 2011 7:07 PM CDT up reply actions

Did this just get serious?

"Yeah! I'll take a walk....over to Kirk Douglas's house!"

by ReadingRambler on Mar 15, 2011 7:45 PM CDT up reply actions

Seriously jealous of Jacobi

I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.

by therealCatnuts on Mar 15, 2011 9:14 PM CDT up reply actions

Pollard?

get serious
the only reason he is here
is gene smith masquaraded as our feerless leaders
and snuck him in
thats right
gene smith rules all our lives
he tells us so every day
and when we forget
he has tressel apologize
kind of anyway

long live the pellican whore !!!

I don't intend to upset folks with the way I write it just happens,,,

by OhioHawk on Mar 15, 2011 4:13 PM CDT up reply actions

The Brewster Regional

looks ripe for a Cinderella story.

The Leman side? I foresee nothing but torn ACLs, concussions, and alleged pregnancies. It’s gonna get ugly folks.

Damn you super sperm!

by Feelin' Orney on Mar 15, 2011 2:51 PM CDT reply actions

I never liked Grape Ape.

I mean, he was better than Jabberjaw, of course:

But he was no Snagglepuss:

Or Huckleberry Hound:

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

by RossWB on Mar 15, 2011 2:53 PM CDT reply actions

We all know this is the man

"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me

by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 15, 2011 3:02 PM CDT up reply actions

Oh Captain, My Captain!

by Hawkeyegirl on Mar 15, 2011 3:02 PM CDT up reply actions

CAPTAIN CAAAAAAAVENUUUUUUUUTS!!!!!!!

Was the refrain heard from my drunk friends for a while soon after giving me the nickname Catnuts.

I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.

by therealCatnuts on Mar 15, 2011 3:12 PM CDT up reply actions

Thank you!

Best..Cartoon.Ever. He grows his hair out; hangs out with 3 hot chicks that are all over him; and when in doubt, he beats someone with a fucking club. Oh, and he can fly. He is Charlie Sheen’s role model.

Battles are won with a hammer, wars are won with a scalpel

by C.I.owA on Mar 15, 2011 5:07 PM CDT up reply actions

He's Tri-Winning

"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me

by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 16, 2011 9:06 AM CDT up reply actions

Thank you Captain Obvious

"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable

by ClaybornSmash on Mar 15, 2011 3:54 PM CDT up reply actions

That's because

every Hanna Barbera cartoon was just a cheesy rip-off, of another Hanna Barberra cartoon. Seriously, how original do you have to be to steal from yourself?

I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

by HoyaGoon on Mar 16, 2011 12:37 PM CDT up reply actions

Well, it seems that Hollywood REALLY liked that idea, because that's all they ever do anymore.

Sequel? Okay.
Sequel to a remake? GOLD!

by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 16, 2011 3:11 PM CDT up reply actions

It impacts Broadway too

People are so risk averse with their entertainment spending. They don’t want to take a chance that they might be disappointed, so producers of entertainment make everything as familiar as possible to justify the higher ticket prices they need to cover the bigger budgets they need to up the effects to get noticed in a crowded market. Then it cycles from there. Bigger budgets require sure things which mean safe things which further reduces the appetite of audiences for risky (or risque) productions on screen or stage. Which further makes me feel like a hipster for liking less and less “on Broadway” or major studio output. Damn them.

by PackerHawk on Mar 16, 2011 10:11 PM CDT up reply actions

It's actually really hard to think of a word that alliterates with "eight"

and also means “good” or “excellent”. “Amiable Eight”? But that doesn’t start with “e” and doesn’t make much sense anyway. I’m stumped.

by Horace E. Cow on Mar 15, 2011 2:58 PM CDT reply actions

The answer is "orange"

I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.

by therealCatnuts on Mar 15, 2011 3:13 PM CDT up reply actions

Alternate: Aight Eight

I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.

by therealCatnuts on Mar 15, 2011 5:08 PM CDT up reply actions

THIS

PERFECT

"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable

by ClaybornSmash on Mar 15, 2011 6:05 PM CDT up reply actions

JoePa and Dinosaur from DINOSAUR RACECARS look oddly similar.

Perhaps it’s the open-mouth and the leathery skin, coupled with the determination to cross the finish line at the final turn as a winner.

@jschnauzer
Bloggin' at http://joepasdoghouse.com

by Cairo on Mar 15, 2011 3:54 PM CDT reply actions

One of them is his grandson.

Battles are won with a hammer, wars are won with a scalpel

by C.I.owA on Mar 15, 2011 5:08 PM CDT up reply actions

The real loser in all of this: cocaine

I mean, there were three potential candidates with connections (KOKaine, Coked-Up Werewolf, and DRUGS), only one got in, and then DRUGS got cheated out of his first round matchup (although he apparently isn’t aware of this).

Anyways, I don’t see how Marchifornication could possibly end with anything other than a victory for dinosaur racecars.

by Lioli44 on Mar 15, 2011 3:58 PM CDT reply actions

Stanzi got through

/IC rumor’d

I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.

by therealCatnuts on Mar 15, 2011 4:18 PM CDT up reply actions

That Franimal / Stanzi matchup is a no win proposition

both deserve to win. I don’t believe either will survive AIRBHG though

It never gets to be easy.
Why the fuck doesn't it ever get to be easy?

by chitownhawkeye on Mar 15, 2011 4:39 PM CDT reply actions

I think that Capt Herky has a shot.

IF (and it’s a big if) that matchup is actually allowed to come to a vote.

by PackerHawk on Mar 16, 2011 12:12 AM CDT up reply actions

Interesting take on bracket seeding from the geniuses at fivethirtyeight.com

Here

I love their proposal at the end of the article to seed the Tourney more like Tennis tournaments, it could be much more interesting than the current setup.

I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.

by therealCatnuts on Mar 16, 2011 2:58 AM CDT reply actions

At least Elite Eight is numerically accurate.

This “First Four” is actually eight teams. I’m tired of having to deal with inaccurately numbered features in sports.

@jschnauzer
Bloggin' at http://joepasdoghouse.com

by Cairo on Mar 16, 2011 7:40 AM CDT reply actions

No, it's numerically accurate

As a team in the Tourney, you’re named for what you’ve achieved. If you’re one of the 16 that survived, you’re now an Elite Eight. If you’re one of the play-in winners, you’re one of the First Four.

The entire idea of a First Four continues to be horrible, but they got the numbering correct.

I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.

by therealCatnuts on Mar 16, 2011 7:55 AM CDT up reply actions

It would seem to demean the first round.

Assuming I buy totally into their marketing, it implies that the teams that lose are not actually in the tournament. As it stands, the winners are just the first four into the second round.

@jschnauzer
Bloggin' at http://joepasdoghouse.com

by Cairo on Mar 16, 2011 8:09 AM CDT up reply actions