(Bumped. It's funny because it's TRUE. Although now that CF has uncovered Iowa's dastardly plan, there may have to be a few adjustments... -- Ross)
Good evening, Ames, and welcome to "The Cy Show." I'll waste no time in getting right to the point - those no good black and gold state pinheads have gone too far this time! We here at "The Cy Show" have uncovered DEFINITIVE PROOF of the Hawkratic Party's attempt to build a New World Order in Iowa through the MASS STERILIZATION of Cyclone fans.
Today started innocently enough. I was drinking my coffee, enjoying a nice Egg McMuffin. (By the way, ever notice how nicely dressed that Ronald McDonald is?) I pulled up my usual bookmarks, and on the sidebar of a compelling article about future transfer Korie Lucious was this seemingly inconspicuous ad:
Seems like a normal enough ad, right? That's what I thought too. But pay attention to whats on the pad:
Feel free to enjoy the first two rounds of March Madness after your VASECTOMY.
That's right folks. The Iowa Clinic is trying to enforce the MASS STERILIZATION of Cyclone Nation by appealing to our very nature as sports fans who love
chronically disappointing teams underdogs. And God help anyone who actually falls for this scam of going under the knife, all for a paltry two days off - and who knows what other twisted, Reckerish acts they would commit once someone was lying helpless under their anesthesia.
And it gets worse! Our crack team of researchers have found that many of the doctors practicing medicine at the Iowa Clinic have deep ties to the University of Iowa. Many used their Iowa City insider contacts to receive degrees and many still actively contribute to the coffers of the Hawkratic Party. There's no telling how deep this goes, but it's pretty clear that these psychophants will stop at NOTHING to see their jackboots standing on the necks of honest, hard working Amesians.
We'll be right back after these messages from Red and Goldline, your precious metals investment resource.