i-Dosing: The horror of digital drugs

Flipping through the channels last night I caught a promo for this unsettling story from the crack reporters at KFXA Fox 28 in Cedar Rapids:

An alarming trend seen around the country called digital drugs.  It’s a legal way to get high by listening to music. The term is called I-dosing and teens around the country are trying it out and posting videos of their experiences on the internet.

But are digital drugs a real threat?  KFXA is on it:

Although I-Dosing is completely legal, it is uncertain if it is safe.  We contacted several Neurologists and the Iowa Division of Narcotics Enforcement, who all say they had never heard of digital drugs

Threat or no, this certain menace has unfortunately wound its rubber-insulated tentacles into the ears and immortal souls of our beloved Iowa football team.  Several coaches and players have recently been found in possession of i-dosing paraphernalia.  We show you the horror now. 

Warning: parents may want to shield their children's eyes and ears; do not listen to any of the following songs for their full playing time lest you yourself become an i-dosing addict; if you accidentally listen to an entire song, follow it up with a system-cleansing sorbet (e.g. "Classical Gas" by Mason Williams).

Kirk Ferentz
Delivery vector: Sony D840-K Car Discman
Substance: "Three Hearts in a Tangle" by Roy Drusky
Real world drug equivalent: Opium

Cardiscman_medium

the vile instrument of KF's destruction

Norm Parker
Delivery vector: 1973 Sears Roebuck Stereo Console
Substance: "Gettin' by, high and strange" by Kris Kristofferson
Real world drug equivalent: Hashish

Kristofferson_medium

Digital drugs and delivery vector in plain sight at the Parker home

Riley Reiff
Delivery vector: 1995 Toyota Camry tape deck
Substance: "You Can’t Rollerskate in a Buffalo Herd", by Roger Miller
Real world drug equivalent: PCP

You can't rollerskate in a buffaloherd - roger miller (via usetheroute93)

Ricky Stanzi
Delivery vector
: American Flag iPod
Substance(s): "Ahab the Arab" by Ray Stevens; "The Streak" by Ray Stevens, "Gitarzan" by Ray Stevens, "I Saw Elvis in a UFO" by Ray Stevens.*
Real world drug equivalent: Crystal meth

*Although Stanzi has played his last game as a Hawkeye, his problem is clearly the most severe, so we thought it was imperative to include him.  Extreme caution should be taken before listening to any of these songs.  Seriously, you'll regret it.

Marvin McNutt
Delivery vector:
iPod
Substance: "Black and Yellow" by Wiz Khalifa
Real world drug equivalent: Amphetamines

Mike Daniels
Delivery vector:
iPod
Subtance: "Monster", by Kanye West, feat. Jay Z, Nicki Minaj and Rick Ross
Real world drug equivalent: Heroin

James Vandenberg
Delivery vector: Zune
Substance: "White Lightning" by George Jones
Real world drug equivalent: White lightning

George Jones - White Lightning (via Gatorrock787)


Markus Zusevics
Delivery vector: scoreboard speakers
Substance: "In Heaven There is No Beer", originally composed by Ernst Neubach and Ralph Maria Siegel.
Real world drug equivalent: Crack cocaine

Roman Possedi - In Heaven There Is No Beer (via PolkasNL)



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