Marcus Coker Takes Time Away From Being Awesome At Football To Discuss Asteroids

by RossWB on Nov 8, 2011 5:49 PM CST in Iowa Hawkeyes Football

Did you know that a really big asteroid is slated to make a really close pass by Earth? So what would happen if that asteroid hit Earth?

If the asteroid were to crash into Earth, it could cause a 4,000 megaton blast and a magnitude 7.0 earthquake, according to scientists at Purdue University. If it fell into the ocean, it could cause a 70-foot high tsunami within 60 miles of the crash site, the experts said.

Purdue University? That sounds like something those doomsaying jerkfaces would say at a time like this. So is this something we should be worried about? In times like this we could ask NASA, but why bother? We can just turn to the astrophysics major on the football team:

WHEW. Solid work, Marcus. But what if you're wrong? Then what will we do?

BOOM! Stiffarm! Take that, you big dumb asteroid! Becoming the Big Ten's top rusher, defending the Earth from rogue asteroids... is there anything Marcus Coker can't do?

Tweet Comment 29 comments | 5 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

It's pretty awesome Coker's a physics major...

It’s been several games since he learned that one of its most basic rules applies in football: an object in motion (coker) tends to stay in motion even when 185 DBs try to stop it.

by rosko on Nov 8, 2011 5:57 PM CST reply actions 4 recs

Anything he can't do?

Could he hook up with Liz Tyler while her “dad” (Bruce Willis) is dying?

"Gophers are filthy digging rats"
-one of HFMR's many amazing tags

"It's Northwestern," he explained. "A smart school."
-TMart on jNW reading signals

by Eyeheartfreedumb on Nov 8, 2011 6:00 PM CST reply actions 2 recs

If by could you mean "already has"

Then, yes.

The High Porch Picnic

by mikjones24 on Nov 8, 2011 6:01 PM CST up reply actions

Play defense for his team this year?

by 2LastNameWideReceiver on Nov 9, 2011 8:26 AM CST up reply actions

Such a great bad movie.

I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.

by therealCatnuts on Nov 9, 2011 8:38 AM CST up reply actions

Her name is Liv but yes

He had love in an elevator with her.

by rosko on Nov 8, 2011 6:09 PM CST reply actions

Excuse me,

but her name is Arwen. Arwen Undómiel.

Thank you.

"Pursue happiness... with diligence."

by Bucketochicken on Nov 8, 2011 7:21 PM CST up reply actions

Excuse me

Your nerd broke his chain and was running free there for a moment.

Parsimony methods are the easiest ones to explain - Felsenstein

by Lycurgus on Nov 9, 2011 5:54 AM CST up reply actions 1 recs

Not possible.

The chain is made of mithril.

"Pursue happiness... with diligence."

by Bucketochicken on Nov 9, 2011 10:18 AM CST up reply actions

Yeah, mistype. And no, I wasn't thinking of Cleopatra.

"Gophers are filthy digging rats"
-one of HFMR's many amazing tags

"It's Northwestern," he explained. "A smart school."
-TMart on jNW reading signals

by Eyeheartfreedumb on Nov 8, 2011 7:31 PM CST up reply actions

i want to see a few articles in the

Marcus Coker fights asteroids tag. That is excellent. Thank you Marcus!

I want rational discourse, not people claiming to be rational debaters while demonizing any opposition as torch-wielding, fire-crazed zealots or kool-aid drinking sycophants. -- RossWB

by SaturdayMorningKegStanzis on Nov 8, 2011 6:13 PM CST reply actions

Can he

Follow his fullback into the hole on 4th and short?

No disrespect but he effed up that run.

It's so sad how a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.

by FiveSecondRuleChef on Nov 8, 2011 6:18 PM CST via mobile reply actions

WOOOO we survived another asteroid!

this calls for a beer

"Your spelling and grammar errors belie a seriously skilled thought process"- therealCatnuts

by justsomehawkeyefan on Nov 8, 2011 6:20 PM CST reply actions

No thanks to OMHR

they just sit back and talk about it. Will words stop an asteroid? No. They probably wanted it to hit, just so they could sit there and say that they were right. Buncha jerks. Just add this to the list of reasons that we hate them.

"'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." - Lewis Caroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass

by chitownhawkeye on Nov 8, 2011 6:28 PM CST up reply actions

They probably lost two professors to ACL injuries just doing those calculations.

"Let me finish or I will hammerpunch your clavicle." -Steve Youngblood

by SomeJerkPoster on Nov 8, 2011 9:21 PM CST up reply actions

Well, they'd at least land on it.

And then they’d talk forever about how they landed on it. So they’ve got that going for them.

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Nov 9, 2011 12:18 AM CST up reply actions 4 recs

Coker could obliterate an asteroid...

…..simply by the look he gives reporters when asked a post-game question after a loss. Hell, after the Michigan game reporters sound freaking terrifiied to even ask him a question or two, and that was after a win!

Marcus is one intense MF-er, man. He shouldn’t be scared of calculus, calculus should be scared of HIM.

"Apparently, riding Joe Paterno like a small horse is FROWNED UPON IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT!"

by The Director on Nov 8, 2011 6:39 PM CST reply actions

I sense a series of Cokerisms similar to Chuck Norrisisms coming now

Marcus Coker isn’t scared of calculus, calculus is scared of him.

Asteroids won’t hit Earth because they know Marcus Coker will stiff arm ’em.

Marcus Coker laughs at Nair.

(i know these are not very good, but I’m not feeling terribly creative or original today).

Never *question* Bruce Dickinson!

http://www.thebirdcult.net

by The Bird Cult on Nov 8, 2011 6:43 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs

by The Bird Cult on Nov 9, 2011 12:41 AM CST up reply actions

In order to stop these asteroids, preparations must be made

Preparations A through G have all been failures….

by encopresis on Nov 9, 2011 12:22 PM CST up reply actions

I tried the Coach Doyle method

120 squats in 10 minutes then sit on a red hot poker.

"Make it tasteful, but dongier" - Blackheartnopants

by Kluginator on Nov 9, 2011 12:28 PM CST up reply actions

What's everyone so worked up about?

So there’s a comet — big deal. It’ll burn up in our atmosphere and what’s ever left will be no bigger than a chihuahua’s head.

I can’t believe that extra-thick layer of pollution that I’ve actually picketed against burned up the comet.

But what’s really amazing, is that this is exactly what Dad said would happen.

I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

by HoyaGoon on Nov 9, 2011 9:01 AM CST reply actions