Dantonio unleashes his secret weapon

A lone figure knocks on an apartment door in Montreal


Knockingatthedoor_medium Pizza!

Door opens


Djkberetsmall_medium Wait a minute, I never ordered a pizza. Who is this?


Marksmall_medium Hello, Derrell. Can I come in?

Djkberetsmall_medium Coach Dantonio? What are you doing here?

Marksmall_medium Well, I was just in the neighborhood and decided to visit by favorite Big Ten receiver.

Djkberetsmall_medium You were just in the neighborhood in Montreal?


Marksmall_medium Yes.

Djkberetsmall_medium Ah what the hell. Come on in. At least your one of the few people I can understand in this city.

The two enter the living room


Marksmall_medium Well, this is an interesting design.

Djkberetsmall_medium Thanks, its been hard finding this kind of furniture in the city, but I've managed. Now, why are you really here?

Marksmall_medium You cut right to the chase. I like that. Derrell, I come here with an offer. I want you to join the Spartans.

Djkberetsmall_medium Like some kind of graduate assistant? No offense coach, but I think I can still play and the Alouettes agree.

Marksmall_medium Oh I think you can play too. I don't want you as a grad assistant, I want you as a receiver.

Djkberetsmall_medium Are you serious?! You do realize that I was thrown off the Iowa team before our bowl game right?

Marksmall_medium Yes, which grants you exactly one more game of elgibility.

Djkberetsmall_medium I don't think that's legal. Have you consulted the NCAA?

Marksmall_medium NCAA? Hahahahaha, those idiots can't tell their ass from a hole in the ground. It will be fine.

Djkberetsmall_medium Wait, wait, wait. You said one game of elgibility. Are you suggesting I play against the Hawkeyes?

Marksmall_medium That is exactly what I am suggesting. It's the perfect revenge for you, is it not. A chance to stuff it in the face of the man who has tried to expunge your name from the Iowa program.

Djkberetsmall_medium I think expunge is a pretty extreme word.

Marksmall_medium But it's true. I brought a transcript from Coach Ferentz's last press conference. Here's a question from Marc More-something. "How impressive has Marvin been the last few games?" Then Kirk's answer is: "Marvin has been excellent this year, probably the best receiver we've had since I've been here. Much better than smelly, dumb idiot we had here the past few years. Man was he dumb." See, Ferentz and the program has no respect for you, but you can change that this Saturday in the green and white.

Djkberetsmall_medium Can I see that transcript?

Marksmall_medium Ummmmm no. It's... uh... written in French.

Djkberetsmall_medium Damn. Well, I'm in line to play for the Alouettes now.

Marksmall_medium Really, you want to play for a team named after a song? I thought you were cool.

Djkberetsmall_medium OK, OK, what about the fact that I have a criminal record, does that bother you?








Marksmall_medium Now that is hilarious. You'll make the perfect Spartan. Help me beat the Hawkeyes and I promise you: you'll play in the NFL. You can say so long Canada.

Djkberetsmall_medium Alright. One game.

Marksmall_medium Fantastic, practice is tomorrow at 3:45. Don't be late or I might suspend you.

Djkberetsmall_mediumMarksmall_medium HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Impassioned by a chance to beat what he perceives to be an ungrateful Kirk Ferentz, Johnson-Koulianos catches 12 passes for 235 yards and three touchdowns in front of an Iowa crowd that has no idea what to do. Those numbers look to grow even higher as the Spartans drive down the field with less than a minute left in the game and the score tied 31-31.

Garydolphin_medium Led by the shocking return of DJK, the Michigan State Spartans are knocking on the door once again. It's déjà vu all over again, isn't Eddie.

Podolak_medium I can't believe what I am seeing Gary. Again.

Microphoneq_medium Please turn your attention to Hawkvision for a special message from Kirk Ferentz.


Djksmall_medium Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. What have I done. Coach doesn't hate me, he loves me.

Garydolphin_medium Here we go. Cousins in a shotgun, the snap. Morris is coming on a blitz, but Cousins has time and he finds Johnson-Koulianos with a slant.

Podolak_medium Tackle him!

Garydolphin_medium Wait, wait. Koulianos is beginning to run the wrong way. He's headed to the Michigan State endzone, everyone is giving chase, but DJK is in the end zone. Wait. He drops the ball in the end zone. There's Hyde, he dives on it. Touchdown Iowa! Touchdown Iowa! I can't believe it. DJK has came through for the Hawkeyes again. Oh my god, he's ripping off his jersey. And it's an Iowa jersey underneath. I cannot believe it.

Podolak_medium What? What? What? What has happened here? It's unbelievable.


Marksmall_medium DJK!!! What the hell was that?! I promise you. No team will be drafting you this year.

Djksmall_medium Been there, done that. Oh and coach.

Marksmall_medium WHAT?

Djksmall_medium     Alouette, gentille Alouette

            Alouette, je te plumerai

            Je te plumerai la tete

            Et la tete




 Meanwhile in a joyous Iowa lockerroom

Iconmarcmo_medium Kirk, fantastic win. Can you explain what happened at the end?

Iconferentz_medium I wish I could, but I can't. Derrell had a good day for them, but I guess his heart wasn't in it.

Iconmarcmo_medium And the message on the big board?

Iconferentz_medium What message?

Iconmarcmo_medium The one where you forgave DJK.

Iconferentz_medium I never did that.

Iconmarcmo_medium What?

Deep in the recesses of Kinnick Stadium

Mcnutti_medium Good job. Best 60 bucks I ever spent.

Nerdu_medium And it worked. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to buy Modern Warfare 3.

Mcnutti_medium Now you know Dantonio, you're not the only one who can play dirty. After all, seven got tricks.



Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.

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