BREAKING NEWS: Kirk Ferentz Tries "Tebowing", Fails Miserably
by Patrick Vint on Nov 29, 2011 8:10 AM CST
in Batshit Insanity
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PrintBreaking news this morning from Iowa City: According to sources close to the Iowa football program, head coach Kirk Ferentz spent most of the first three quarters of Friday's game against Nebraska "Tebowing". Those same sources have confirmed he was ultimately unsuccessful.
"Tebowing" is the colloquial nickname given to taking a knee and placing a hand to the forehead, made popular by Denver Broncos starting quarterback Tim Tebow. It has rapidly grown into a national phenomenon, with people across the country taking every opportunity possible to do some Tebowing. Apparently, Kirk Ferentz is not immune to the popular fad. Multiple sources have confirmed that this conversation took place between Ferentz, offensive coordinator Ken O'Keefe, and wide receivers coach Erik Campbell in the second quarter of Iowa's game with Nebraska:
They're using Denard underneath with a safety over the top on every play.
We're not going to be able to get him open deep if they keep doing that.
Hey guys! Check it out.
Ferentz reportedly attempted Tebowing multiple times in the second and third quarters. None of those attempts were successful. On the first attempt, Ferentz was unable to get to one knee. The second time, he extended his fist rather than placing it to his forehead. Next, he accidentally placed his fist to strength coach Chris Doyle's forehead, leading to a confrontation between the two longtime coaches. On his final attempt, Ferentz forgot to make a fist, transforming the Tebowing attempt into a kneeling facepalm that more effectively summarized Iowa's offensive performance than any words could.
There was also an unfortunate scene during Ferentz's halftime speech. Ferentz told his players to take a knee. They did so, expecting their head coach to impart some wisdom or at least change the gameplan so that they might score a touchdown. "Now put your elbow on your knee and raise your fist to your forehead," Ferentz said. His players, ever loyal, obliged. Ferentz exploded with joy: "MOST TEBOWINGS EVER, YOU GUYS! SOMEONE CALL GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS!"
After Iowa scored its only touchdown of the afternoon, Ferentz again struck the first pose. "Are you Tebowing again, Coach?" Ken O'Keefe asked. "Nope," said Ferentz. "I'm running like that QWOP guy. Man, that game is so tough to play!"
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Aww.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Patrick Vint on Nov 29, 2011 9:35 AM CST up reply actions
I don't want your sympathy, you Indy-listening Nebraska imbecile.
"Woop woop." - Waylon Jennings
by ReadingRambler on Nov 29, 2011 11:03 AM CST up reply actions
No
Vint listens to audio recordings of the track at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.
"Let me finish or I will hammerpunch your clavicle." -Steve Youngblood
by SomeJerkPoster on Nov 29, 2011 11:28 AM CST up reply actions
I thought it meant he exclusively listened to John Williams' Indiana Jones scores.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
He could do worse
"'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." - Lewis Caroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass
by chitownhawkeye on Nov 29, 2011 5:51 PM CST up reply actions
This reminds me of DWRC
Now I’m happy again!
"Woop woop." - Waylon Jennings
by ReadingRambler on Nov 29, 2011 12:17 PM CST up reply actions
Takes less time to spell it the other way.
"Woop woop." - Waylon Jennings
by ReadingRambler on Nov 29, 2011 12:16 PM CST up reply actions
Haha, nice QWOP reference.
That game is killer difficult.
You can keep a gull as a pet, but you don't want to live with a seabird, okay, 'cause the noise level alone on those things...have you ever heard a gull up close? It's going to blast your eardrums out, dude.
by lo-hi-hawkeye on Nov 29, 2011 9:48 AM CST via mobile reply actions
I think he's trying to peek up Li'l Red's skirt.
You got no fear of the underdog; That's why you will not survive!
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Nov 29, 2011 10:58 AM CST up reply actions
Can't be. He's still wearing his headset.
by rosalita on Nov 29, 2011 11:07 AM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Like you've never pooped while wearing a headset
by mikjones24 on Nov 29, 2011 12:32 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
I was referring to the recent incident when he pooped a headset.
If it’s still on his head, it can’t come out the other end.
Or perhaps he's already pooped it and is now using it.
Gross!
"No I'm not going to 'limber up'. You ever see a lion stretching before it takes down a gazelle?"
"Be vewy, vewy quiet, I'm hunting Cohnhuskews!"
"No I'm not going to 'limber up'. You ever see a lion stretching before it takes down a gazelle?"
When asked whether the failure to execute the "Tebow"
was due to a poor “kneel-plan”, Kirk responded:
“You know, the guys, the coaches and the players are working very hard, and we had a good knee-plan in place. But sometimes you just have a failure to properly execute the kneel-plan.”
When asked whether the face-palm move was a good strategy, Kirk responded:
“You know, the guys, the coaches and the players are working very hard, and we had a good facepalm-plan in place. Looking at tape of the Iowa basketball team under Todd Leaver-Lilly it seemed that the facepalm was a very effective strategy .”
When asked whether looking at tape of the Basketball team under Todd Lickliter was an acceptable model for success, the coach responded:
“You know, the guys, the coaches and the players are working very hard, and we thought we had found an exploitable strategy in the Todd Love-Leaver tape. Sometimes the problem is simply a failure to properly execute the strategy”.
When asked whether he will continue to employ the “Tebow” strategy in future games, the coach responded:
“We’ll see. We always explore all of the options and then based on what we see on the tape make a determination as to what out future plans will be. Just keep in mind that, you know, the guys, the coaches and the players are all working very hard and will continue to work hard, and we will adjust our plans according to the what we see on tha tape.”
by DrHenryKillinger on Nov 29, 2011 11:36 AM CST reply actions 2 recs
Is it sad that I can hear the words in KF's voice?
We’ve all heard the same coach-speak so often that it’s ingrained in our memories.
"No I'm not going to 'limber up'. You ever see a lion stretching before it takes down a gazelle?"
The thing that makes this for me
is KOK saying “No, you’re not” Oh, how the tables have turned.
"'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." - Lewis Caroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass
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