Life as a Hawkeye fan wouldn't be quite so bad if KF just sucked all the joy out of the game but then also won. I could take a deathly boring brand of football if it produced killer results. OR, I could take mediocre won-loss records if he at least played an exciting brand of ball, went for it on occasion, and showed some balls. I could take one or the other. But when Hawkball is BOTH boring AND losing, it leads to unhealthy pursuits like this blog post.
Do you remember your English teachers showing you "found poetry"? According to Wikipedia, found poetry is "a type of poetry created by taking words, phrases, and sometimes whole passages from other sources and reframing them as poetry by making changes in spacing and/or lines (and consequently meaning), or by altering the text by additions and/or deletions."
I found some poetry when I looked up "boring" in an online thesaurus. I was thinking about Iowa football at the time:
characterless, colorless (so far, it's about right, isn't it?)
drab, drag (as in "what a . . ."), drudging, dull
flat, ho-hum, humdrum, insipid, interminable (as in any number of Iowa games when you realize that, once again, KF is NOT going to try anything),
irksome (no kidding),
lifeless, monotonous, moth-eaten, mundane, platitudinous (Tuesdays-with-Kirk press conferences),
spiritless stagnant, stale, stuffy,
tame (the look on KF's face when he shook hands with Pellini after the Neb game, as in "I'm just happy to be here" tame. As in "have your way with me" tame),
tedious, tiresome, unexciting, uninteresting, unvaried, vapid, wearisome,
well-worn (the cover of the Hawkeye Football Playbook, I'm sure),
Which leads me to a second found poem, the thesaurus listings for "irrelevant":
beside the point,
immaterial, inconsequential, insignificant, unimportant, unnecessary, unrelated (as in "Hey, where did the rest of College Football go? I seem to have lost them.")