Herky is in the House

At Monday's defensive meeting

Iconferentz_medium Guys, that was a good win on Saturday. It's finally good to get that team off our back and get back in the win column. Now there's plenty to work on - we gave up way too many first downs, some of our coverage was susceptible and that third stick of Wint-o-Green tasted like Spearmint. There also was plenty of good things: Broderick, good pressure all night.

Broderickbinnsicon_medium Thanks coach.

Iconferentz_medium Steve Bigach, way to step in.

Bigach_medium Holds up 2X4 Hoooooooooo-ooooooooooo

Iconferentz_medium Dominic Alvis, big plays to keep contain.

Players all say "Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge plays"

 Alvisicon_medium That never gets old (tear runs down cheek)

 Iconferentz_medium Tom Donatell, nice coverage in a tough spot.

 Donatell_medium Thanks a l...

Iconferentz_medium And Tanner Miller, biggest play of the night. You've got an ice cream sundae coming your way.

Millern_medium Yes. Awwwwwwwwwwwwesome.

Iconferentz_medium Now, we've got an important test coming up on Saturday against Indiana. They're reeling and we're coming off a win so it's important th-

Prater_medium Coach, I'm sorry to interrupt, but are you going to address this?


Iconferentz_medium Oh yeah, the stripes and card stunt on Saturday night looked awesome. I think we can all agree on that.

Everyone nod and says Yes

 Iconferentz_medium So that kind of got my school spirit blood boiling, so when Herky came in on Sunday with a note saying he wanted to walk-on and contribute. Well, good golly, I decided to give him a scholarship. Sorry Nardo.

Nardoicon_medium Huh?

Iconferentz_medium Anyway, let's turn things over to Norm for the defensive gameplan against Indiana.

Parker3_medium 4-3 base cover two. Now let's talk about their head coach Kevin Wilson (holds up picture)


Parker3_mediumKind of looks like Beau Bridges doesn't he?


Parker3_medium Now Beau and I go way back, he tells me that his brother based his performance in the Big Lebowski on me, but the movie wasn't set in Vietnam, so I walked out of it. Me and the missus just locked ourselves in the projection room and had at it, you should have seen the faces on the three pimply faced teenagers in there with us. Anyway, Beau Bridges and I are driving down the coast in Florida in the early 70s, looking swank in our plush leisure suits and our feathery hair and we run into a beautiful hitchhiker on the road that has just one leg, so needless to say we're intrigued we pull ov-

Herky_medium (whispering) Psst, Psst, Miller. I am so taking your spot on the roster. I'm gonna be starting safety.

Millern_medium (whispering) What? I thought mascots don't talk.

Herky_medium (whispering) You are so dumb. Mid-Prairie? I'm from the big city where we actually get a real education. Ain't that right Prater?

Prater_medium (whispering) Dude, shut up. Norm and Beau are about to bang that hitchhiker.

Herky_medium (whispering) Miller, you are so slow. I'm going to run laps around you on the football field. You are going to be vomiting trying to catch up to me.

Millern_medium SHUT UP!!

 Parker3_medium What? Miller, you better watch your mouth. I treated that woman right and for good reason because you know her now as Talia Shire.

Morrisicon_medium Who?

Parker3_medium Talia Shire. Adrian in Rocky. I remember the first time I saw that movie. It was the Bicentennial and I was working in an imitation blacksmith shop. Fake shoeing a horse, fake anvil work, all that shit. Me and my co-worker, I can't remember his name, we decide we're going to craft the largest sword in the world. Of course, we only knew how to fake blacksmith, you know putting metal into fire, hitting a hammer, but we were going to do it. So we get a whole butt-load of iron and w-

Herky_medium (whispering) Oooooooooooh looks like someone got in trouble. I told you you were an idiot Miller, I didn't expect you to prove it.

Millern_medium (whispering) Herky, just leave me alone. I thought you were a good guy.

Herky_medium (whispering) I am a good guy. In fact, I'm the best guy. Nobody knows more about the Indiana passing game than me. I've lived it and I know how to stop it. And that 98-yard interception return. I'm gonna get that record back. Nobody tries to expunge my name from the record books, nobody. Miller, I'm going to make your life a living hell this week. Fatty. You realize your fat right.


Iconferentz_medium Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tanner, what did you just say? Did you just threaten to beat up our school's beloved mascot, after all the joy he has given to millions. That's pretty low. I think you've gotten a big head after your interception. Maybe a week off will change your perspective.

Miller stomps off

 Iconferentz_medium Now, who can play safety?


 Iconferentz_medium That's what I'm talking about. Now there's school spirit.



Meanwhile in the offensive meeting

 Iconokeefe_medium And then he goes back to his pineapple, but Gary is nowhere to be found. So now he's panicked and he runs over to Patrick's home and there's this hilarious line where Patrick says, I'm sorry I can't really do a good Patrick vo-

Canzeri_medium Coach, I don't want to stop your description of Spongebob Squarepants. But what is Herky the Hawkeye doing here.

Iconokeefe_medium Canzeri, that's just Stanzi. Pfft freshmen. Now where was I, oh yeah, Patrick sa-

Herkyusa_medium Vandenberg, I'm so taking your spot.

Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.

Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.