Reason #178 to hate Northwestern: Purple Sucks
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Oct 14, 2011 10:00 AM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
Email
PrintSeriously. Think about it. It's the worst color in the double rainbow. It's the "leftover" color that no one else wanted. There isn't anything good in the world that is purple. I've done the research. Here's the proof.
Eggplant. Worst vegetable there is. I would rather stick a banana pepper in my pee hole than eat an eggplant.
Plums. Worst fruit there is. Tastes like a peach that went through the laundry and gives you diarrhea.
Sea Urchins. Useless. Prickly little assholes of the sea.
Rain Gatorade. Terrible idea. Tastes like bathroom spray. Hopefully they've had the sense to discontinue this shit.
Grimace. Fat furry blob trying to sell greasy fast food to kids. Real asshole move there, Grimace.
Justin Bieber. The Oracle loves purple. Justin Bieber sucks worse than the worst sucking thing you can think of.
Tinky Winky. Listen, Jerry Falwell was a seriously insane piece of shit and this has nothing to do with sexual orientation. The simple fact is, Tinky Winky is a jerk.
Deep Purple. Every untalented fartbag in America that has ever picked up a guitar has played the intro to "Smoke on the Water." If I can play it, it sucks.
The Minnesota Vikings. Their team is turds-in-cleats and their fans dress one small step less-assholish than Raiders fans.
This obese woman smoking cowboy killers. She likes purple. Hey, are those Crocs? Yep. Perfect. Go Wildcats.
Mr. Doucher. A little-known Mr Men book about a stupid yelling dickhole football coach in Evanston.
Purple eye shadow. It's what whores wear.
90 comments
|
8 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
I was wondering when I would see some hate...
GFY Wizgerald
"We're not against being uptempo." - Kirk Ferentz
by Scrotie McBoogerballs on Oct 14, 2011 10:11 AM CDT reply actions
As always
love the tags. And that’s a pupu platter of purple
by txhawkeye on Oct 14, 2011 10:17 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Wasn't really on board
until the Mr. Men reference. Loved those books as a kid.
But yes, in general, purple is a shitty color.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
I'm okay with Bieber
but you forgot something:
"I wish you luck with a capital 'F'" - The Real Elvis.
by StoopsMyAss on Oct 14, 2011 10:48 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
You're ok with Bieber?
I thought I knew you.
I'm totally okay with Bieber...
it’s an “in through the out door” kind of thing.
"I wish you luck with a capital 'F'" - The Real Elvis.
by StoopsMyAss on Oct 14, 2011 10:59 AM CDT up reply actions
Wait, this gets a pass?
"There are no Pan Asian supermarkets down in hell, so you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts." - The Mountain Goats
by cafreema on Oct 14, 2011 10:56 AM CDT reply actions 6 recs
Um....whoops. Wrong link.
"There are no Pan Asian supermarkets down in hell, so you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts." - The Mountain Goats
by cafreema on Oct 14, 2011 10:56 AM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
...
You’ve got some explaining to do. Seriously, we need to know: “Big Black Songs about Fucking”?
Putting Ponder in isn't the question, it's the answer.
SKOL!!!
Yeah, that was my bad.
It’s an album cover to a very influential album, but is not what I intended to post here.
"There are no Pan Asian supermarkets down in hell, so you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts." - The Mountain Goats
This just about broke my brain
which I needed on a Friday. I don’t know what else you were working on that you had this ready, but I’m gonna rec it
"'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." - Lewis Caroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass
by chitownhawkeye on Oct 14, 2011 12:30 PM CDT up reply actions
Heh.
I’m on a board with a bunch of musicheads and we post the cover art of what we are listening to. I was listing to a little Big Black, so….
"There are no Pan Asian supermarkets down in hell, so you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts." - The Mountain Goats
They're from Evanston
So, guilty by association.
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Oct 14, 2011 1:35 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah but they existed pre-1995.
"Pursue happiness... with diligence."
by Bucketochicken on Oct 14, 2011 1:37 PM CDT up reply actions
Good band.
Shellac was great too.
"Pursue happiness... with diligence."
by Bucketochicken on Oct 14, 2011 1:36 PM CDT up reply actions
Because it's a mistake.
Case of URL mixups and lack of previewing.
by The Mexican't on Oct 14, 2011 3:06 PM CDT up reply actions
I think you forgot somebody
I’m a big fan of the Vikings, but you’re right, they do suck and this douche above had the audacity to curse them with the lame ass song he made when they went to the NFCCG in ‘09. Damn you Prince symbol artistformerlyknownasPrince Prince. You know purple is bad when the PowerRangers aren’t even willing to go with Purple.
Putting Ponder in isn't the question, it's the answer.
SKOL!!!
How dare you, sir.
Prince is the only purple thing that is right in this world. Well, him and purple grapes. They’re the bee’s knees.
by Carfino'sWay on Oct 14, 2011 11:19 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Yeah, I left Prince alone
He’s so funktified.
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Oct 14, 2011 11:23 AM CDT up reply actions
Pancakes.
"Make it tasteful, but dongier" - Blackheartnopants
by Kluginator on Oct 14, 2011 12:32 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Yes, but purple, like red, is a color that all skintones can wear.
So that is fairly common.
by Carfino'sWay on Oct 14, 2011 5:15 PM CDT up reply actions
purple skittles, too
Reg-gie!
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Oct 14, 2011 11:50 AM CDT up reply actions
I look gorgeous in purple.
The Hawks better win this game. I sacrificed my personal style all week by not wearing purple.
"I mean, are they going to poop their pants or are they going to get tough?" ~Tom Brands
I caught myself wearing purple on Tuesday and I freaked out a little.
I didn’t want another PSU toenail polish fiasco so I have worn black and gold since. I also changed my email replies from purple to a drab green. I was worried about MSU but the greens are quite different.
by Carfino'sWay on Oct 14, 2011 11:22 AM CDT up reply actions
You're good with the drab green
until the week of the MSU game. Then all shades of green are off limits. That will be another tough week for me as green is another good color for me. Plus I’m Irish. It’s pretty much blasphemous to eliminate green from my life for an entire week.
Did we just girlify this thread? Yep.
"I mean, are they going to poop their pants or are they going to get tough?" ~Tom Brands
by Hawkeyegirl on Oct 14, 2011 12:16 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, purple looks good on me too
especially with a nice tan going on and my blonde hair and blue eyes. Looks real good.
by Captain n Diet Coker on Oct 14, 2011 2:43 PM CDT up reply actions
I'm wearing Purple Boxer Briefs.
Does that mean I have to stain them before the nights over?
"West Texas seems to be full of fake boobs providing a comfortable shade for well-developed pot bellies" - Lycurgus (06/24/2011)
by BStylin Hawkye on Oct 14, 2011 2:43 PM CDT up reply actions
Green is my favorite color and the color I gravitate to when shopping.
So yeah, that’s going to be a rough week for me too.
by Carfino'sWay on Oct 14, 2011 5:23 PM CDT up reply actions
His name has 'green' in it so it cancels out.
That’s science.
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Oct 14, 2011 11:24 AM CDT up reply actions 8 recs
We need more green people
Greenway
Greene
Greenwood
That’s some solid greenosity there in recent Hawk history. Cheap “gold” bracelets for everyone!
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Oct 14, 2011 11:30 AM CDT up reply actions
Yes he did.
He also coached the Cardinals against the Bears once. That was great.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Oct 14, 2011 7:20 PM CDT up reply actions
yes, he did coach us
He coached us during the early 80s, when no one gave a shit about football in evanston
by LincolnParkWildcat on Oct 14, 2011 7:27 PM CDT up reply actions
was he the first black B1G coach?
i am not in the mood to google tonight
Long Live the Pellican Whore - like FOREVER
yep, he was
After Denny Green coached us, we had another black coach, Francis Peay.
There’s been only 1 other black coach in big ten history, and that’s Bobby Williams, who took over at MSU after Nick $aban
by LincolnParkWildcat on Oct 14, 2011 7:37 PM CDT up reply actions
ok as a former oak parker
is there still a lettuce entertain you
in lincolnpark?
Long Live the Pellican Whore - like FOREVER
Yes. I live a block from RJ Grunts.
It just celebrated its 40th anniversary
RJ Grunts is the first restaurant that Lettuce Entertain you has made. They’ve got great places and are going strong..
by LincolnParkWildcat on Oct 14, 2011 9:14 PM CDT up reply actions
well i was there
in their first year
great food, great atmosphere
Long Live the Pellican Whore - like FOREVER
According to my parents, "plum" was my first word.
I’m a big Prince fan.
Sea urchin is delicious.
Other than that, I pretty much agree
GO IOWA AWESOME, now and forever, unless PSU sees them in the B1G CG
Beat OMHR
You can eat sea urchin?
That sounds like about as much work for as little meaty satisfaction as eating bluegill.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Oct 14, 2011 11:37 AM CDT up reply actions
True fact
but they’re delicious
GO IOWA AWESOME, now and forever, unless PSU sees them in the B1G CG
Beat OMHR
Did anyone else have to dissect sea urchins in a high school bio lab?
Mixing urchin sperm and urchin eggs so we could study the embryos, if I remember correctly. Apparently they don’t even find themselves sexually attractive. Horrible little abominations. (also, RIP Mr. Benesh)
"Hi, I'm Bob Executive. Which way to business?"
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Oct 14, 2011 3:12 PM CDT up reply actions
We're only on reason #178 to hate jNW?
Putting Ponder in isn't the question, it's the answer.
SKOL!!!
Worst Musical about Love ever.....
"Make it tasteful, but dongier" - Blackheartnopants
by Kluginator on Oct 14, 2011 11:45 AM CDT reply actions 10 recs
So true. Hated it.
"I mean, are they going to poop their pants or are they going to get tough?" ~Tom Brands
by Hawkeyegirl on Oct 14, 2011 12:17 PM CDT up reply actions
I JUST noticed the Fitzwizard.
He blends in so well.
"I mean, are they going to poop their pants or are they going to get tough?" ~Tom Brands
Brilliant.
Fine work
Smells like bullshit in here.
by Pantslessobserver on Oct 14, 2011 6:37 PM CDT up reply actions
This post should rec up pretty quickly. Amazing work.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Oct 14, 2011 11:50 AM CDT reply actions
My junk is purple-ish.
At times..just sayin….
It's so sad how a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.
by FiveSecondRuleChef on Oct 14, 2011 11:50 AM CDT reply actions
Fine - it hates your moustache
It's so sad how a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.
by FiveSecondRuleChef on Oct 14, 2011 12:05 PM CDT up reply actions
Sounds like you may be jerking a little too hard.
"Make it tasteful, but dongier" - Blackheartnopants
Stop eating um,
whats purple and dusty?
Smells like bullshit in here.
by Pantslessobserver on Oct 14, 2011 6:36 PM CDT up reply actions
This weekend
Iowa is Sunny D and NW is the “purple stuff” in the fridge. Choose Sunny D, kids.
by Skillet13 on Oct 14, 2011 12:31 PM CDT reply actions 3 recs
I would
recycle her cups and agitate her compost bin.
"Make it tasteful, but dongier" - Blackheartnopants
by Kluginator on Oct 14, 2011 3:28 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
I would Manhattan her Kansas!
did I do that right?
Bloggin' at JoePasDoghouse.com
by J.Schnauzer on Oct 14, 2011 4:00 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
I puked on a car in Manhattan Kansas.
CSB
Got nuthin
And yes you did it right
Smells like bullshit in here.
by Pantslessobserver on Oct 14, 2011 6:39 PM CDT up reply actions
I think Manhattaning in Kansas
implies puking
"'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." - Lewis Caroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass
by chitownhawkeye on Oct 14, 2011 6:47 PM CDT up reply actions
K-State is also undefeated.
Maybe Iowa needs to get their own environmentally-friendly superhero mascot…
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
"Recycling is the Norm" Parkerkat?
Bloggin' at JoePasDoghouse.com
by J.Schnauzer on Oct 14, 2011 2:47 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
Iowa has the ECO HAWKS
and they have won awards without resorting to non-compostable spandex outfits.
"Make it tasteful, but dongier" - Blackheartnopants
The more you know...
Cuter than EcoKat, too.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Actually...
“Eggplant. Worst vegetable there is. I would rather stick a banana pepper in my pee hole than eat an eggplant.”
-Don’t know what kind of fun you enjoy in the bedroom, but eggplant is delicious. Teach your woman to cook good Italian food.
“Plums. Worst fruit there is. Tastes like a peach that went through the laundry and gives you diarrhea.”
-Don’t know what is going on with your stomach, but that never happens to me. Also don’t know where you buy your fruit, again disagree.
“Sea Urchins. Useless. Prickly little assholes of the sea.”
-Good Attempt, but Sea Urchins come in a variety of colors and the edibile part of the insides is delicious and is actually orange.
Other than that, Northwestern’s shade of purple does suck and makes me see red like a brahma bull. Screw them! Useless two-directional ‘school.’
Leave my eggplant, plums, and sea urchins alone, please That little pansy, illuminati, patsy Beiber, he is fair game. As is NW.
Let’s Go Hawks!!
It is still a Great Day to be a Hawkeye!!
by Harrison Cougars on Oct 14, 2011 3:33 PM CDT reply actions
Eggplant is gross and mushy.
I like my vegetables…firm.
Plums indeed cause the runs.
It’s always great to be a Hawkeye. Some days are just greater than others.
"I mean, are they going to poop their pants or are they going to get tough?" ~Tom Brands
Prunes are made of plums.
And you only eat prunes for one reason, really.
We will become more intensity!!! --What Reading Rambler thinks Tom Brands should do.
by WaterlooChazz on Oct 15, 2011 10:15 AM CDT up reply actions
Where is Rambler when I need him?
I had some interesting Civil War trivia for him regarding jNW
Or at least Evanston, home of the Armani Mafia
Named after John Evans , one of the founders of the Medill School of Journalism Wildkits
Indeed the first president of the Board
A crony of Lincoln’s
Named as the second territory of Colorado
And responsible for the Sand Creek massacre
By sending his buddy Chivington
To do the dirty on Black Kettle
Go Hawks
Long Live the Pellican Whore - like FOREVER
Of all the colors ending in urple
purple is definitely the douchiest.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." - Teddy Roosevelt
Worst Hanna-Barbera Cartoon? You guessed it, Grape Ape!
"Hi, I'm Bob Executive. Which way to business?"
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Oct 14, 2011 8:45 PM CDT reply actions 3 recs
As a Minnesotan, I take offense to this article
Eggplants are NOT the worst vegetable. You just need to know how to cook them.
Why do you hate the hoff?
And clean colons?
Oooohhh. Is commenting over for this article? Shoot. Always late.
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
