[Edit: Poll Added]
We've had a recent run of bad news for our beloved Hawks. Outside of the wrestling team's surge, a few Caring is Creepy victories, and of course the general photoshop/prank call madness that is BHGP, few things have been fun enough around here lately. We saw the pent-up epicness of BHGP's readership in the crush-tastic "pansexual free-for-all" (1) that was stanzi's ex-girlfriend's (2) FanPost on Stanzi turned paean to all things hunky Iowa athlete. This is my attempt to continue that silliness with a big assist from BHGPodcast episode 50.
In that podcast either Mr. Jacobi or Mr. Vint (can't recall which) mentioned the game "Two Truths and a Lie". I am going to play that game for myself specifically as it relates to my fondly-remembered years spent in Iowa City. I am hoping that this spurs others to try the same game in an attempt to better know our BHGP friends and the horrible lives they truly lead. Or if this game isn't much fun to the rest of you, I hope it at least lightens the mood for a couple minutes before we go back to worrying about Rhabdo, DRUGS, and Gone Baby Gone.
A couple notes:
# I had 4.5 years of undergrad and about 2 years of hanging around afterward.
# All three of these stories are specific to Iowa City or the "college" time period that the town is for most people.
# I've made a strong attempt to avoid the typical "I was so drunk that I..." college stories.
# Sorry if some stories got a little wordy, I think they're best told in narrative form.
# Lastly, I'm unsure if I'll reveal later which of the three is made up, let's see how the thread goes.
So with that, here we go:
Truth or Lie #1: I was having beers with several friends and my younger brother at Sports Column. My brother was drunk early, and he was very annoying. He kept complaining that there weren't any cute girls that night at SpoCo. We told him that the bar next door was starting to become a hotspot for freshman girls. Seeing as it had no cover charge, he should pop on over there and return with a report if it was worth all of us going over (3). We gave him directions and he returned 45 minutes later slightly disappointed. He said that there weren't any girls at all, and the place was pretty empty in general. There were only about 10 guys, and it "might be a biker bar, several of the guys were wearing all leather" (4). The only good part to report was that "everybody seemed pretty nice. One guy even bought me a beer" (4). He didn't realize until the next morning that the Alley Cat was a gay bar.
Truth or Lie #2: I was a regular at the Fieldhouse basketball courts during my time in Iowa City. I was pretty good and got the opportunity to play with several current and former BB and FB athletes when they showed up. For example, I knew that Glen Worley was a house of cards when I played him point for point the summer after his promising Freshman year (5). My best memory there is the time that I was just about to leave after playing several games and several current/former players in their prime came onto one court, including Reggie Evans, his first year out of college and in the Leage (6). I sat and watched them while unlacing my shoes. Reggie was an absolute beast, amazing to watch so up-close. He unintentionally gave a huge elbow to Sean Sonderleiter who left bleeding. they needed a big and one of the guys playing vouched for me and Reggie came over and asked "Hey kid, wanna play?" (7) I hurriedly laced back up and played about 15 minutes against an in-his-prime Reggie until Sonderleiter could get back in. Reggie slaughtered me and made me look like a fool, but I loved every second of it.
Truth or Lie #3: My biggest regret after leaving Iowa City is crude but true. I never had a threesome while there. I turned them down Not once, not twice, but thrice (8). I realized soon after leaving that if you can't pull one off while in college, it's not going to happen. And since I'm now happily married, the chances of it ever happening are exactly nil. My biggest fantasy kaput. The first time I turned it down because one of the girls was an ex of one of my best friends. Something about "guy code" made me turn it down. The second time was with my college gf and her best friend. I turned it down because I was in love and didn't want it to ruin our relationship. The third time was because the second girl was about 30 pounds overweight (9). I realize this is oversharing of a dubious nature (sadly reminds me of the Shazam FanPost), but it truly is my biggest regret from college. The rest I lived up with no regrets. Especially the extra time from a few flunked classes.
So there they are. Two absolutely true, one absolutely a lie. Anybody else want to overshare?
(1) copyright Blackheartnopants. Full quote: "Show up for the sports. Stay for the pansexual free-for-all"
(2) somebody else mentioned it, but I second the nomination of stanzi's ex-girlfriend for Newcomer of the Year. First pelican whore, then that FanPost. Truly deserving.
(3) the world was sure different before cell phones/texting.
(4) These quotes are as close as I can remember to verbatim. You just can't make this stuff up. Or can you?
(5) Other notables: Bobby Sanders can dunk, Kaeding never goes inside the 3pt arc, Brad Lohaus had no problem driving on me despite being 6 inches taller and 15 years older, Chauncey Leslie was even faster in person.
(6) I couldn't tell who all were, I'm terrible with celebrities and names in general, I only knew who Lohaus was because it was pointed out to me.
(7) He actually called me "kid" in the same tone as the Mean Joe Greene commercial, even though we're the same age and I'm a large fellow
(8) Pardon the Mr. Burns quote, I can't go this long in conversation without one lame quote
(9) That one's the real head-scratcher to me. I am not unfamiliar with the charms of larger ladies.
Which of the three is the lie?
Gay bar story w/ quotes (52 votes)
Played ball w/ Reggie (43 votes)
Turned down 3 Threesomes (99 votes)
194 total votes