Because I couldn't find an Open Thread for the game and this website has conditioned me to no longer be able to watch Iowa sports without discussing it with buffoons on the internet. 

Adam Sandler

Performed by Adam Sandler and Jennifer Lien


"And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's valedictorian."

Valedictorian: "I really appreciate you're asking me out. Most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement."

Buffoon: "This movie sucks shit!"

Valedictorian: "Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up, but Ciscel thought it was too preachy. Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly."

Buffoon: "Cathleen Turner has big fuckin' tits!"

Valedictorian: "Yes, well, she recently had a child. I think her maternal biology may play a role in that. She looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn't she?"

Buffoon: "I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his fuckin' head off."

Valedictorian: "Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process."

Buffoon: "That girl in the fucking car in front of us, she gives everybody head."

Valedictorian: "Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it."

[Buffoon eating popcorn]
Buffoon: "This popcorn's fuckin' terrible. It tastes like someone jizzed all over it."
[Buffoon continues to eat popcorn]

Valedictorian: "Well the amount of semen on this popcorn is certainly disturbing. Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome by the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank."

Buffoon: "I looked at my asshole in the mirror today. It blew my fuckin' mind!"

Valedictorian: "It's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd and unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis.

Buffoon: "My father's shit stinks up the bathroom all fuckin' day!"

Valedictorian: "It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more overpowering than another's. I wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person's internal metabolism."

Buffoon: "I'm gonna go get head from that fuckin' girl."
[Gets out of the car]

Valedictorian: "Well, I'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt conclusion."
[Buffoon walking away]
"I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future rondevue."

Buffoon: "I like to piss in that guy's fuckin' gas tank!"

Valedictorian: "Bye bye! Have fun."
[Buffoon continues to walk away]

Yeah I copied that from here.