Your One-Stop Guide To Iowa State Mockery
by Adam Jacobi on Sep 8, 2010 12:30 PM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
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It's Hate Week, or BHGP's closest approximation thereof, and we would be remiss not to link back to all the fun we've had at Little Brother's expense.
ARE YOU THERE, CYCLONE FAN? IT'S ME, JEBUS. - Even after they know how the story ends, Cyclone Fan should still think about introducing his mom to Jeebs. After all, we're talking about free Hickory Park here, and that probably outweighs most of the humiliation herein.
Personal Ads for the Iowa State Cyclones - Still the most unfair thing we've ever written. Also, Dr. Cuddlekins is right behind you and just slathered in body oil.
This happened.
Just Like Everybody Else, Jamie Pollard Is Not Taking This Well - The origin of the "Jamie Pollard Was Inconsolable" meme.
Jamie Pollard Finds ISU a Bowl Game - One of the most satisfying joke buildups in BHGP history.
Iowa State Gets The Call From The Big 10 - You'd think Pollard would learn his lesson about taking calls.
Iowa State Talks to the NCAA - But no, he never will.
Roycean's Eleven - Jamie Pollard lets a computer thief onto the ISU campus, and it ends like it ought to--complete with Jamie Pollard in his natural state.
Never leave, Mr. Pollard. Never, ever leave.
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the guy in the ronald mcdonald, Nike outfit, looks like Eddie Murphy
this place smells like feet. i’ll bring a can of lysol next week.
in case you missed it....this was sent to isu alumni & donars after the small 12 imploded....Dear Cyclone alumni, fans and friends of the University....
——— Forwarded message ———
From: President Geoffroy/Jamie Pollard <NOREPLY@iastate.edu>
Date: Fri, Jun 11, 2010 at 3:01 PM
Subject: Athletics Conference Re-alignment Update
June 11, 2010
Dear Cyclone alumni, fans and friends of the University,
In the past two days, the University of Colorado and the University of Nebraska have announced that they are leaving the Big 12 Conference for other affiliations. We are deeply disappointed in their decisions, and we are concerned about how those decisions impact Iowa State University.
Over the next several days, the presidents and directors of athletics of the Big 12 member institutions will be discussing options and potential initiatives that we may take in order to move forward in light of the Colorado and Nebraska decisions. Be assured, we will continue to do everything in our power to represent the best interests of Iowa State University in these discussions; it is also important to understand that actions taken by other member institutions are beyond our control.
We should never forget that Iowa State University is an outstanding academic and research institution with a proud history of student-athletes succeeding in the classroom and in competition. Keep in mind during the past year our student-athletes were first in the Big 12 Conference in graduation rates, and Iowa State has enjoyed our highest ranking ever in the Learfield Director’s Cup standings, which measures competitive success. But as all of the discussions about conference realignment illustrate, the future of college athletics appears to be less about academics and competitive success and more about money, as measured by television viewership and the associated revenues.
We appreciate your longstanding loyalty to Iowa State and certainly understand and share your concern for the future of the Big 12 Conference and the potential impact on our institution. Thank you for your understanding and, we will keep you informed as developments occur.
Go Cyclones!
Dr. Gregory Geoffroy
President
Jamie Pollard
Director of Athletics
this place smells like feet. i’ll bring a can of lysol next week.
i sort of like it, it was appropriate for hate week......dan bebee FAIL.
are you going to the game this weekend?
this place smells like feet. i’ll bring a can of lysol next week.
fan-tastic
now i just have to get a bunch of my freinds to read this so we can all share in the joy of Jamie Pollard actually liking jean chizijk.
The beauty of The Process is that you have never arrived, so you get to continue being perpetually awesome... -Espyonage
Well
you’ll be happy to know that “Beat Iowa” is everywhere on campus…
The dining centers…
Over the urinals…
In the windows of the dorm rooms…
In the dining centers…
On the buses where the bus route should be… (needless to say it is hard to know what bus you are on when the route is “Beat Iowa”)
I would just ask that everyone keep us Hawkeye fans that go to school at Inconsolable State University in your thoughts and prayers. Some of us are even brave enough to wear Hawkeye gear to classes. Except for that one class in which there are at least 8 football players who are about twice my size.
The dining center urinals?
Or the Urinals are the dining center. Soups on!
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
maybe the clones will wear those old ass "beat iowa" football jerseys
this place smells like feet. i’ll bring a can of lysol next week.
I have never seen those
Did they seriously wear those? when?
by SaturdayMorningKegStanzis on Sep 8, 2010 6:58 PM CDT up reply actions
You're taking History of Communication?
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
It was a cultural diversity class...
But on another note history of rock and roll is the most popular class in the entire university.
I find it hard to make light of ANY
history class in contemproary universities. These days students don’t realize that Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings. If they even know that much.
"I wish you luck with a capital 'F'" - The Real Elvis.
Or that Che Guevara was a mass murderer!
Who knew? His face looks so cool on a t-shirt, man!
KOK, you might be a genius...
by hawkeye_heartattack on Sep 8, 2010 8:39 PM CDT up reply actions
This is a theory I've got
The only reason young people have ever given a shit about Che Guevara is because he looks like he’d be good at rock and roll. The really druggy rock and roll from the mid-‘70s too, not this Nickelback shit. If Che Guevara did everything the same but looked like an accountant—or modern-day Ron Jeremy—or was Asian—he’d be an obscure relic of history to today’s Americans.
Ceci n'est pas un blogue.
you had me at ...
“this Nickelback shit.”
But, to be fair, most of us here are from Iowa, where 70s rock is still a mainstay of most stations. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Hey! The James Gang is on! Gotta go!
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Sep 8, 2010 9:12 PM CDT up reply actions
I think what got most people
Was that pretentious look into the middle distance. You might just get him mixed up with Burt Reynolds if you don’t look too closely.
You see what I did there? Yeeeaaaaaahhhh.
Yeah, but we got that commie back by putting his cool face all over consumer goods made by children in central american sweatshops!
Viva la… hmmm. Actually, are there causes anymore? Does anyone care about anything besides their latest iPhone app?
GO HAWKS!
/takes off UI shirt made in sweatshops under the watchful eyes of Mary Sue Coleman and Kathy Lee Gifford
/SAS’d
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 9, 2010 12:55 PM CDT up reply actions
Dammit. I need to start reading my posts before hitting the button.
Politics? It really was meant as a joke. Does anyone even remember Students Against Sweatshops?
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 9, 2010 12:57 PM CDT up reply actions
That's what you're embarrassed about?
I’d be more embarrassed to admit that I did a strip tease for Mary Sue Coleman and Kathy Lee Gifford, personally.
by Abbas_Cincinnatus on Sep 9, 2010 2:14 PM CDT up reply actions
You're only 95 lbs?
Also, fuck CyRide.
Cambus rules!
"If you need a rah-rah speech at halftime, you’re playing the wrong sport." - Pat Angerer
I'm actually surprised by the relative lack of Beat State crap around IC this year
Not sure if it’s just that our swagger means we aren’t as concerned with them this year.
by PackerHawk on Sep 8, 2010 4:35 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
State? What State?
Ohio State? But that game’s not until November.
You see what I did there? Yeeeaaaaaahhhh.
I see what you did there.
KOK, you might be a genius...
by hawkeye_heartattack on Sep 8, 2010 8:40 PM CDT up reply actions
A Beat State shirt
Only applies to five of the seven home games…. But there is only one Iowa!
by PackerHawk on Sep 8, 2010 9:07 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
aahhhh ahhhh! so much evil! the stache! evil ahhhh hate! evil!!! it blinds! the evil! ahhhhh God help me!
JUST LOOK AT THE EVIL:
Hey Rambler, good call on...
…“You’re really looking forward to using that tag, aren’t you?”
Prophetic. Are you clairvoyant? (You aura, it’s so purple.)
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 8, 2010 3:37 PM CDT up reply actions
Satan, laughing, spreads His wings
"we're the only team in the state, as far as I know."
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Sep 8, 2010 3:41 PM CDT up reply actions
Just started reading this blog consistently
Hilarious and informative.
by Settles'7thYearOfEligibility on Sep 8, 2010 2:19 PM CDT reply actions
I disagree.
They haven’t had one front page post about the evils of Purdue. Not one!
by ReadingRambler on Sep 8, 2010 5:15 PM CDT up reply actions
They're compiling a list.
Sort of an encyclopedia if you will, on all of the Hatred of the evil doers known as purdue.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Freak Nasty huh?
What were you afraid to put Deepthroat Jones on the mainpage? Might scare away the new readers. If they can’t handle it they aren’t one of us, one of us.
Also, I miss Capt. Party Balls. That is a face for radio (or the internet, like where you post a picture of someone else).
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Sep 8, 2010 3:36 PM CDT reply actions
My favorites are Shaft Dicksteel & Deepthroat Jones
ALL DAY with that Eiffel Tower. You know what I’m talking about. POW!
I still laugh until I cry.
"Our common thread is toughness. If someone isn't tough, he can go be fraternity Joe." - Norm Parker
Still one of the greatest things
I have ever consumed on the web. I shall make it an annual tradition to re-read the ISU personal ads. I laughed so hard my pants don’t even fit anymore.
by LowcountryHawk on Sep 8, 2010 11:55 PM CDT up reply actions
Dr. Cuddlekins
Is unquestionably the most unfair, inappropriate and HILARIOUS post in the history of BHGP. If Hate Week contains something that is it’s equal (or that of Inconsolable) I will consider it a success regardless of the outcome of the game.
But Dr. Cuddlekins is just
SO CUTE! All snuggly and such.
I had your mom: Beer, beer.
by Murray'sBiggestFan on Sep 8, 2010 7:10 PM CDT up reply actions
The thread where everyone put their favorite slogan on the customized Jack Trice poster was pretty epic.
I just spent about 45 minutes looking for it with no luck, if anyone else wants to take a shot at finding it. It was only a couple months ago wasn’t it?
"we're the only team in the state, as far as I know."
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Sep 8, 2010 4:26 PM CDT reply actions
Yeah, we got in a bit of legal hot water for that.
So, all the replies to this with the customized messages are going bye-bye. Nothing personal.
Ceci n'est pas un blogue.
Ok, my bad
It’ll just be a happy memory
"we're the only team in the state, as far as I know."
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Sep 8, 2010 9:34 PM CDT up reply actions
I figured as much
but God, it was glorious. Never saw a website taken down before my eyes before.
In Norm we trust.
I saw the thread an hour after it started
and the ISU portion of the website was already down… Now that is impressive
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
by ClaybornSmash on Sep 9, 2010 12:12 PM CDT up reply actions
Pollard's call from the Big Ten is still my fave
I think that’s when I kne I had found my place on the webz. That and requesting a new keyboard from our IT guy after spilling coffee while laughing so hard.
by PackerHawk on Sep 8, 2010 4:39 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
I penned this sucker earlier in the week
featuring a more business-like Bloodpunch: http://www.blackheartgoldpants.com/2010/9/5/1671129/iowa-and-isu-create-a-new-rivalry
I have a friend that just started at Inconsolable State. I don’t think he’s aware of how big the Iowa-ISU rivalry is. I’ll make sure he knows by this weekend.
I always miss Iowa City a little more come fall...
But watching the game with a bar full of Iowa fans on the other side of the country is still a hell of a lot closer to tailgaiting than the Cyclone fan in Jebus’ post.
So glad I stumbled upon BHGP this week… I’ve got some serious catching up to do.
welcome Ruthie
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
For your viewing pleasure
The Joe Pa Chronicles are required reading around here. Put down whatever you’re drinking unless you want to ruin your computer.
Welcome to the insanity.
This might be the wrong place to ask, but...
….where’s this season’s first installment of “SAD FAN”?
Do you really think there were any Sex Panther fans disappointed with Saturday's game?
The blowout was kind of expected. I’m betting their happy enough that Brandon Large wasn’t featured in the first installment of “BITCHMADE”
Speaking of "BITCHMADE"...
We still doing that?
In heaven there is no beer. This isn't heaven, it's Iowa.
The hate is so beautiful.
Perhaps my best years are gone... but I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back.
I like ...
the dating ad that was posted above the photo of Dr. Cuddlekins.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Sep 9, 2010 12:02 PM CDT reply actions
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