FanPost

Iowa and ISU create a new rivalry trophy

The weekend before the Iowa-Iowa State game, Iowa AD Gary Barta calls a meeting with Iowa State AD Jamie Pollard. This is an account of how the meeting went...

Iconbarta_medium Thanks for meeting with me, Jamie. It's not often we meet face to face.

Iconpollard_medium Not a problem. When you called and it wasn't some kind of prank, I was relieved.

Iconbarta_medium Um, yeah. So listen, I wanted to talk about our schools' rivalry. With both of our conferences going to 9 games, it might be in the University of Iowa's best interest to drop the series and schedule other opponents.

Iconpollard_medium Well, it's Iowa State's biggest game every year and we really wouldn't want to lose it. UNI keeps calling and asking if we've canceled the series yet.

Iconbarta_medium I know how you feel, a lot of Hawkeye fans feel that the ISU game is easily one of their top 10 favorite games every season. The problem is that we also have rivalries with Minnesota and Wisconsin, a new rivalry with Nebraska, and now the world knows about my feud with that bastard Morgan Burke and Purdue. That's why we are ready to take steps to make this game a bigger deal.

Iconpollard_medium You're going to get us into the Big Ten?

Iconbarta_medium  No, it's never going to happen. Give it up already. What I mean is we're going to finally get rid of that awful Cy-Hawk Trophy.

Iconpollard_medium The Cy-Hawk Trophy? What's wrong with it?

Iconbarta_medium Well, some people think we need a better trophy. So I've brought with me artist Pierre Lefevre to help us design a trophy, and hopefully we'll be able to make it in time for this weekend's game.

 Frenchman_medium Bonjour!

Iconbarta_medium OK, so to start we need a symbol for the state of Iowa. My suggestion is to use a silo, since we're a farming state.

Iconpollard_medium Yeah, and silos are like the skyscrapers of Iowa!

Iconbarta_medium Sure, and let's make it brown, like the dirt we use for farming. Plus if we use silver or gold it will look pretentious.

Iconpollard_medium Alright, I'm on board with the silo idea, but how will people identify that it's our trophy?

Iconbarta_medium Good question. We will have two orbs, because orbs symbolize spirit and power in Native American heritage. Can't forget about those Indians! And we'll put our initials on the orbs.

Iconpollard_medium So ISU on one and UI on the other?

Iconbarta_medium We had a different idea, since people are starting to get the schools confused. The announcer in the last Iowa State game kept calling you guys the "Iowa Cyclones". So we're starting a new campaign at Iowa where we call ourselves the "Champions of Kinnick".

Iconpollard_medium So it will be CoK?

Iconbarta_medium No one includes "of" in initials.

Iconpollard_medium Right. So we'll be giving this trophy to the winner of the next game?

Iconbarta_medium Actually, we're going to give it to the team that shows better sportsmanship, despite the result.

Iconpollard_medium Because sportsmanship creates real champions!

Iconbarta_medium Is that what you guys have been trying at ISU?

Frenchman_medium Alright, here's your trophy design.

 Isucktrophy_medium

Iconpollard_medium Well, it looks a little...

Iconbarta_medium What?

Iconpollard_medium It just seems a bit phallic.

Iconbarta_medium Oh Jamie, you just have a dirty mind. I see nothing wrong with it!

Iconpollard_medium You know what, you're probably right. Perhaps I'm just a little paranoid.

Iconbarta_medium Yes, you are. Well I'll get this thing created and we'll bring it to this Saturday's game. Good luck to the Cyclones.

 

Saturday afternoon, after the clock hits 0:00 in the 4th quarter and Iowa takes a decisive 48-9 victory...

 Iconferentz_medium Wow, I don't think we've ever played this well. There's no way this afternoon could get any better.

Iconbarta_medium Just wait.

 Iconferentz_medium What's about to happen?

Iconbarta_medium Have you noticed how we don't have the Cy-Hawk Trophy this year?

Iconferentz_medium Now that I think of it, yeah. What happened to that piece of junk?

Iconbarta_medium We replaced it with a "sportsmanship award".

Iconferentz_medium Would that explain the big black dildo Paul Rhoads is holding up?

Iconbarta_medium Yep.

Iconferentz_medium Bloodpunch, you're a genius.

Iconbarta_medium Sometimes it's just too easy to ridicule the Cyclones. Doesn't mean I don't love doing it. But now we need to focus on our sworn enemies, the Boilermakers. Mark my words, I'll make Morgan Burke and his mafia pay for what they did at the Wabash River Massacre. Oh yes, they will pay...

...to be continued?

Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.

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