Proposed University of Iowa Arcology

To streamline the college-going experience and to address parking/housing scarcity, the University of Iowa is proposing to centralize all its functions in one, massive education/football/drinking/rehabilitation/penal facility, known as the HawkArcology.  No longer will students be required to roll out of bed and walk across busy streets to make early classes; in the HawkArcology, the trip from dorm to classroom can be made via the comfort of an air-conditioned elevator ride.

An artist's rendering of the new facility.

Likewise, trips from classroom to bar, bar to Kinnick Stadium (to be relocated 1000 feet off the ground in a plexiglass dome), Kinnick Stadium to bar, and bar to holding cell or alcohol rehabilitation facility, can all be made without ever stepping foot on terra firma.  The immense, 100-story learning/residential/tavern ecosystem will be the first of its kind in the United States, and will feature living space for 15,000 students, a full exercise facility with basketball courts and Olympic-sized swimming pool, a food court featuring Wendy’s, Chik-Fil-A and Taco Bell, as well as over 100 drinking establishments/cocktail lounges.  Promising students will be eligible for the “Life Long Hawkeyes” program, which will guarantee free undergraduate and graduate tuition in exchange for spending their natural lives living and working in the arcology as professors, residential assistants, or bartenders.  Children born in the arcology will be granted room and board as well.  “Housing all university functions in one hulking ziggurat — except for Studio Arts, which I should point out will still be off-campus — may seem futuristic, but we see it as just common sense.” said Wayne Harrison, associate provost.  “The state of Iowa will save millions by eliminating unnecessary campus bus lines, sidewalks, and green spaces.  Plus it'll free up 75% of downtown for other, presumably more productive uses.”

Although construction has yet to commence, the arcology is already rated #1 party arcology in the nation according to the Princeton Review.